I have always wanted to write something like this because like so many young males out there, I was not accepted, I was not well liked by women, I was picked on, and I was anything but confident well into my late teens and into my early twenties. Like most aspects of my life, I have been a late bloomer and now that I am 25 I could not be happier with my life and I have learned a few things that would have been nice to know a decade ago.
Figure out what you like
This is something that everyone in the world will try and “help” you with but it really must come from inside. As a person matures from an awkward pre-adolescent into a young adult everything from women to sports to video games, music, movies, food, the works will be presented to you.
Depending on how effectively they are articulated or advertised, you will perceive them differently. Maybe you have a phenomenal English teacher and he/she conveys the subject so beautifully that you decide to follow it for the rest of your life or maybe you get force fed sweet potatoes when you were a kid and now you hate them. Regardless, all the experiences you have, positive and negative, shape what you like and hopefully there are more likes than dislikes.
In any event, it is really important to realize what these tendencies are and equally important to put them to good use. Perhaps you have that one T-shirt or pair of pants that just fits you well or that you just like to sport. I am extremely self-conscious about my body but I have those select clothing items that I know I can pull off. I am also a person that cares a lot about symbolism. A T-short may seem meaningless to one person, but that article could be something that was passed down to me from a mentor or close friend that I wear it in remembrance and pride.
In any event, the point I am getting at is to figure out what you like. This is very different from convincing yourself you like something. This is where this action gets tricky. Forget what you see on TV, forget what your friends tell you is cool or not, forget what everyone else is telling you to like and just go with what YOU like.
This is something that I think women do very well and men not so much. I believe that women routinely know what they want and that is why they like to do things like shop and go for jewelry. They know what they want and they go for it. Perhaps this entirely superficial but hopefully it has some merit. However, men have a tougher time. Men are functional. They like what works and what they need, but what they like? A clothing item, a kind of car, food, etc..? Usually men are fairly ambivalent. If not, good for you, but I think a lot of men are.
In any event, may be you don’t know what you like, but you must know what makes you feel good, what makes you feel comfortable. For whatever reason you like something. Recently, my wallet fell apart and I needed to get a new one. I thought about all those wallets that I could get, the black leather tri fold or whatever, but I realized that I have always thought that the magic fold wallets were soo bad ass. The way they fold, it’s just cool. Maybe it isn’t the most functional thing in the world, maybe it doesn’t hold all that much, but it’s what I like.
I went on ebay and I purchased it. When it arrived I had a smile from ear to ear and it still shows up whenever I think about what is sitting in my back pocket. I hope most of you have had this feeling, the knowledge of knowing/having what you want. It doesn’t matter what it is or why, it just matters that you know what it is. It is even better if you cannot describe why you like it, because then it is a true expression of positive emotion, things that we have no control over.
And lastly, you can’t really control what you like so best stop trying. It is extremely important to try new things so that you can be exposed to a lot but I feel like a lot of people try to convince themselves of what they want. The right hair cut, the right clothing line, the right car. But when/if they get it, they sport it incessantly because they are insecure. They want to show how much they like it, when in reality they are just trying to convince themselves.
Confidence – What Women Want
Ever wonder how guys that appear average get really hot women? Confidence. Women like confidence and there is nothing like a man who knows where he is going in life. But where does this come from? That’s right, knowing what you.
If you live a life surrounded by things you like and things that make you comfortable, you are secure. You know that you are encapsulated in your own unique environment, one that you have developed after years of life experience. Maybe it’s a certain kind of art or furniture or clothing or whatever. The kookier the better, women love what is weird and intricate about a man. It makes them interesting and most of all, desirable.
What does this translate into? Once a person is comfortable with their surroundings, ie what they like/want, you cannot help but be comfortable in your actions and your opinions. This may come off as being a dick (the age old strategy guys try and implement) but this is actually confidence.
This kind of confidence is easily seen with resistance to conventional ideas. Say there is something very popular that you have always been uncomfortable with. Maybe a movie or a location, maybe a subject or an idea, maybe a clothing style or trend. I’ll use white women as an example.
Everybody thinks every guy wants the cheerleader with the perfect body. A Jessica Simpson or Katie Holmes. Yuck! Not me. White women have such a big flaw and that is a sense of entitlement. They want the ring, the house, the perfect wedding, just because they are a live. I like my asians and they appreciate the value of work and are happy with what they have. No expectations, awesome.
And another thing, people think the enlightened man wants a smart sophisticated woman with strong career goals and what not. Not me. I want a secretary. I want a woman that is a woman. I like gender roles and whether women want to admit this or not, they want gender roles too. I am driven and career oriented, I don’t want my significant other to be as well. How would we figure out where to live? Men and women were not meant to be parallel they were meant to compliment one another and I want a woman that takes care of me in ways I can’t take care of myself and vice versa. In any event this is something I get shit for because it goes against convention but I don’t care. It’s what I want, it’s what I like and it gives me confidence.
So with that in mind, go with what you like. Maybe it is something really against the grain but the weirder the better. If you are insecure about something you like or prefer, odds are it is confidence waiting in the winds. If you like Star Trek or the Golden Girls. If you like Michael Jackson (which I do) you should be proud because it is something you know you like.
Yes there are going to be people that knock you for your opinion but they only do it because they are insecure about their own. Seeing someone else happy is such a scary thing, especially if you are not happy yourself. This is where bullies come into play. When I was a kid I was bullied a lot because I was very different from everyone else. I talked to myself, I didn’t hate the social outcasts and I didn’t like the popular folks. People tried to bring me down, and for a long time, it worked.
However, now that I am older, I have realized that the “Fuck’em” advice, really is very good. People want to bring you down because misery loves company and despite the fact that it is scary to be all alone in your opinions, in the end, it’s worth it. I have been tossed around and fucked with my whole life but it has taught me that no one is going to make me happy but myself. You can rely on people for some things but emotional stability, security and confidence come from within. I feel so bad for those people that are lost in their own insecurities. They seem to be terrified of suffering, especially women that need a man to be happy. I feel like this sort of insecurity really brings about troubled marriages and adult problems that could have been avoided if people made better decisions when it comes to what they really want and need. I suppose I write this because I want everyone out there to be as happy as I am. Maybe you think I am full of shit and if so, great, I hope your life strategy works out well for you. I’m doing ok over here.
just my thoughts
match unleaded
Figure out what you like
This is something that everyone in the world will try and “help” you with but it really must come from inside. As a person matures from an awkward pre-adolescent into a young adult everything from women to sports to video games, music, movies, food, the works will be presented to you.
Depending on how effectively they are articulated or advertised, you will perceive them differently. Maybe you have a phenomenal English teacher and he/she conveys the subject so beautifully that you decide to follow it for the rest of your life or maybe you get force fed sweet potatoes when you were a kid and now you hate them. Regardless, all the experiences you have, positive and negative, shape what you like and hopefully there are more likes than dislikes.
In any event, it is really important to realize what these tendencies are and equally important to put them to good use. Perhaps you have that one T-shirt or pair of pants that just fits you well or that you just like to sport. I am extremely self-conscious about my body but I have those select clothing items that I know I can pull off. I am also a person that cares a lot about symbolism. A T-short may seem meaningless to one person, but that article could be something that was passed down to me from a mentor or close friend that I wear it in remembrance and pride.
In any event, the point I am getting at is to figure out what you like. This is very different from convincing yourself you like something. This is where this action gets tricky. Forget what you see on TV, forget what your friends tell you is cool or not, forget what everyone else is telling you to like and just go with what YOU like.
This is something that I think women do very well and men not so much. I believe that women routinely know what they want and that is why they like to do things like shop and go for jewelry. They know what they want and they go for it. Perhaps this entirely superficial but hopefully it has some merit. However, men have a tougher time. Men are functional. They like what works and what they need, but what they like? A clothing item, a kind of car, food, etc..? Usually men are fairly ambivalent. If not, good for you, but I think a lot of men are.
In any event, may be you don’t know what you like, but you must know what makes you feel good, what makes you feel comfortable. For whatever reason you like something. Recently, my wallet fell apart and I needed to get a new one. I thought about all those wallets that I could get, the black leather tri fold or whatever, but I realized that I have always thought that the magic fold wallets were soo bad ass. The way they fold, it’s just cool. Maybe it isn’t the most functional thing in the world, maybe it doesn’t hold all that much, but it’s what I like.
I went on ebay and I purchased it. When it arrived I had a smile from ear to ear and it still shows up whenever I think about what is sitting in my back pocket. I hope most of you have had this feeling, the knowledge of knowing/having what you want. It doesn’t matter what it is or why, it just matters that you know what it is. It is even better if you cannot describe why you like it, because then it is a true expression of positive emotion, things that we have no control over.
And lastly, you can’t really control what you like so best stop trying. It is extremely important to try new things so that you can be exposed to a lot but I feel like a lot of people try to convince themselves of what they want. The right hair cut, the right clothing line, the right car. But when/if they get it, they sport it incessantly because they are insecure. They want to show how much they like it, when in reality they are just trying to convince themselves.
Confidence – What Women Want
Ever wonder how guys that appear average get really hot women? Confidence. Women like confidence and there is nothing like a man who knows where he is going in life. But where does this come from? That’s right, knowing what you.
If you live a life surrounded by things you like and things that make you comfortable, you are secure. You know that you are encapsulated in your own unique environment, one that you have developed after years of life experience. Maybe it’s a certain kind of art or furniture or clothing or whatever. The kookier the better, women love what is weird and intricate about a man. It makes them interesting and most of all, desirable.
What does this translate into? Once a person is comfortable with their surroundings, ie what they like/want, you cannot help but be comfortable in your actions and your opinions. This may come off as being a dick (the age old strategy guys try and implement) but this is actually confidence.
This kind of confidence is easily seen with resistance to conventional ideas. Say there is something very popular that you have always been uncomfortable with. Maybe a movie or a location, maybe a subject or an idea, maybe a clothing style or trend. I’ll use white women as an example.
Everybody thinks every guy wants the cheerleader with the perfect body. A Jessica Simpson or Katie Holmes. Yuck! Not me. White women have such a big flaw and that is a sense of entitlement. They want the ring, the house, the perfect wedding, just because they are a live. I like my asians and they appreciate the value of work and are happy with what they have. No expectations, awesome.
And another thing, people think the enlightened man wants a smart sophisticated woman with strong career goals and what not. Not me. I want a secretary. I want a woman that is a woman. I like gender roles and whether women want to admit this or not, they want gender roles too. I am driven and career oriented, I don’t want my significant other to be as well. How would we figure out where to live? Men and women were not meant to be parallel they were meant to compliment one another and I want a woman that takes care of me in ways I can’t take care of myself and vice versa. In any event this is something I get shit for because it goes against convention but I don’t care. It’s what I want, it’s what I like and it gives me confidence.
So with that in mind, go with what you like. Maybe it is something really against the grain but the weirder the better. If you are insecure about something you like or prefer, odds are it is confidence waiting in the winds. If you like Star Trek or the Golden Girls. If you like Michael Jackson (which I do) you should be proud because it is something you know you like.
Yes there are going to be people that knock you for your opinion but they only do it because they are insecure about their own. Seeing someone else happy is such a scary thing, especially if you are not happy yourself. This is where bullies come into play. When I was a kid I was bullied a lot because I was very different from everyone else. I talked to myself, I didn’t hate the social outcasts and I didn’t like the popular folks. People tried to bring me down, and for a long time, it worked.
However, now that I am older, I have realized that the “Fuck’em” advice, really is very good. People want to bring you down because misery loves company and despite the fact that it is scary to be all alone in your opinions, in the end, it’s worth it. I have been tossed around and fucked with my whole life but it has taught me that no one is going to make me happy but myself. You can rely on people for some things but emotional stability, security and confidence come from within. I feel so bad for those people that are lost in their own insecurities. They seem to be terrified of suffering, especially women that need a man to be happy. I feel like this sort of insecurity really brings about troubled marriages and adult problems that could have been avoided if people made better decisions when it comes to what they really want and need. I suppose I write this because I want everyone out there to be as happy as I am. Maybe you think I am full of shit and if so, great, I hope your life strategy works out well for you. I’m doing ok over here.
just my thoughts
match unleaded
1 comments:
I think the author of this piece made a few assumptions that are not researched and not accurate. First of all, for women, things can be difficult as well. I am 31 years old and I have no idea what I want. I hate jewelry and I hate shopping. I have not bought clothes for myself in over 2 years since having my son. I looked up this article because I find that since I have not worked for a while because I was a stay at home mom, my confidence is really low. My skills are lacking because I have been out of the work force for a while and I developed new skills, such as how to get stains out of the couch, what stores to shop at for bargains and how to multi task with a toddler. However, employers that hire you do not care about that stuff, they want communication skills, computer skills and specific skills in the area you are applying for. Gone are the days, where you will just get hired and on the job training. Now, you need to know this stuff before hand. Woman suffer from the same things, asian woman, white woman. Therefore, I feel no one should be categorized into a specific category according to gender, race etc. People of all walks of life have confidence issues and some do not.
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