I remember

Has it really been 7 years since 9/11? Such a cornerstone in American history and despite the fact that it was such a horrible incident, part of me is glad that I was alive for it. For my generation it is our Pearl Harbor or JFK assassination. It is something that will be remembered for centuries and it is somewhat weird that I am only 25, yet I am part of American history. When I have kids, they will ask me about 9/11 the same way I asked my father about the moon landing. Just like him, I will always remember exactly where I was and what I was thinking when it all went down. Sadly, my story concerning 9/11 is pretty lame because I slept through most of it. I was on the west coast, it was the tail end of summer, I had stayed up late and nobody cared to disturb me, oh well. My time to appreciate this event and learn from it came much later. So considering the historic and emotional nature of today (forgive me, I wanted to get this up Thursday but it didn't happen), I thought I would offer up some reflections and thoughts.

A few times on this blog I have talked about how I was a late bloomer and my experience with 9/11 definitely falls under this category. When I was at the tender age of 17 I really didn't care much for politics. I was a science nerd that liked to do HW and I was set to go to UCSD and begin the college thing. Politics didn't really interest me much, not because I thought they were boring, but just that they didn't really resonate with me. I didn't really understand the impact of something like this or something like a Presidential election (2000). At that age, I figured, Bush, Gore, same shit. My life won't be affected....I was wrong.

I suppose the impact of 9/11 didn't really influence me until almost 2 years later. I was working as a technician in a lab in La Jolla and I was going about my business one day in late July. I worked for this little lab since October of my freshman year and I had developed a nice little home there. My boss, Todd Braciak, had taught me everything I knew about lab techniques and I felt a certain closeness to the people around me. However, on this fateful day, my boss came into the lab and informed me that the grant he was hoping for didn't go through and that he was going to have to lay me off. Because the government had shifted their monetary focus, money that had been devoted to internal institutions like the NIH, had been taken away and given to things like the war effort in Afghanistan and Iraq. Now, I have my weird connections to people involved in 9/11, but my life wasn't really affected by it until this very moment. I didn't (and still don't) know much about warfare or politics but I understood the concept of "you've got till the end of the month".

This was a really painful day for me, not in the sense that I had lost my job, but because I had lost faith in my profession. I was but a lowly lab technician who could find another job (and I did) but I knew one day, I was going to be a PhD scientist and I was going to have to deal with things like NIH funding and the political sphere. I grew up really fast that day and I began to look at the world a bit differently. Ironically, that week I was at the grocery store and when I was checking out, the woman behind the counter asked me if I would like to donate a $1 to prostate cancer research. As luck would have it, I had been doing prostate cancer research and given the fact that I had just lost my job because money like this didn't make it to me, I declined.

So a year later I began to think about politics a little more because we were electing a new president. I didn't exactly know much about the whole process or what the major issues in government were, but I did know that I didn't want the war to continue. I know some people will talk about how we need a stable situation in the middle east and what not, but I need a job. I need money to be invested in my field and that matters a whole lot more to me than a conflict that is 6,000 miles away. So with that in mind, I casted my vote for a democrat that could perhaps get us out of the war in Iraq, a war that still has me scratching my head. However, as we all know, Kerry was not successful and we got another 4 years of GW.

But every cloud has a silver lining and here is what I have come up with. You have to suffer. Things have to suck for awhile because if they did not, then you would not be motivated to improve your situation. You would just be content with your life. After 4 more years of Bush, I not only realized how much it sucks to have a war driven republican in office, but I began to see other spheres of life that are affected by politics. I recently read an article about how executives from oil companies were engaging in intercourse with employees of foreign companies as favors for contracts. This was extremely repulsive as was the federal investment in Wal-Mart at the expense of small American business man articulated in the documentary, Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price. But they equate "passion" with "fire" for a reason, we need pain and suffering to motivate us.

I had a conversation with my father awhile back and he was telling me that he always voted republican because he was against "big government". I remember him talking about this when I was a kid and so I went along with it. However, what I have realized is that democrats don't want big government, they just want to use the money they get from taxes on their constituents, where as the republicans seem to have invested that money in places that do 1 of 2 things (and sometimes both), 1) War and 2) Big Business. 10 Billion dollars a month on a winless war and it sure sounds like a ton of spending which is funny considering that the Republican ticket seems to criticize Democrats for wanting to invest in people that are actually American. After watching both the Democratic National Convention and the Republican one, I have come to realize that democrats appeal to the mind and republicans appeal to the heart. In politics it is easier to appeal to the later because it doesn't involve any thinking, and this has me really scared. Never underestimate the power of lesser minds and I begin to wonder what will win out in November.

So why do I discuss this on September 11th? Not only is it important to remember the suffering and pain that we have gone through, but we must also have the wisdom to utilize it. The real problem associated with 9/11 was not the 3,000 people that died or even the fear that it instilled in all of us concerning terrorism. The real problem was that we lost faith in who we are as Americans. We were relegated to "watchers" as opposed to "doers". This entire nation was converted to a bunch of little kids under blankets watching CNN in fear. And whats worse is that our government kept that fear alive. By waging war after war, the current administration perpetuated an image of weakness and pain, rather than strength and perseverance. I would imagine that if the victims of 9/11 could see us today, they would be disgusted with what we've done the last 7 years. Fighting wars and "avenging deaths" is not exactly an intelligent strategy. Killing Sadaam or Bin Laden will not bring anyone back.

However, something that I believe strongly in and this is something Barack Obama said in his acceptance speech at the DNC, is that American is great because of the "power of our example not the example of our power". In the light of 9/11, rather than focus on our emotions and our pain, we should have focused on our strength and our ingenuity. Dumping money into a worthless war is nothing compared to the countless scientist and innovator's that were put out of jobs because of fund divergence. In my opinion, showing that we were undeterred and unfettered by such an act of violence would have been a better exercise of power. Progress in stem cell research, space exploration and global warming were all things that could have happened in the last 7 years, but they took a back seat to a war that few understood and many died for.

In my opinion, this nation is great because of what is between our ears, driven by what is in our chest. Our decision making relies on the educational system we have solidified as the best world wide, not the weapons we have wasted our money on. An enlightened nation we are not and considering the fact that we allow emotions to govern our decision making just makes things worse. The Republicans perpetuate war stories and suffering as if it carries some sort of value in the government sphere. Yes, McCain is a fantastic example of a man that served his country, but what does this say about his judgement? His vice presidential nomination is one that very few political analysts would have picked and the reason their opinion matters is because they make a living thinking about our country's government. Maybe he uses Alaska's governor to play on people's emotions, but emotions mean jack shit, sorry.

In the end, we need to remember why America is great, not simply that it is great. We need to use our heads, not our hearts when making our decisions. Our hearts are good to keep us motivated and to prevent us from quitting but when push comes to shove, a well thought out game plan is infinitely better than a decision made on a whim. The rest of the world despises us and rather than write off their opinion as irrelevant we should focus on implementing a political establishment that utilizes intelligence, not fears it. The educated minds in this world are seen as elitist by the right wing conservatives and this could not be further from the truth. What did you think was going to happen when you sent your kids to college? They were going to get an education and you can't simply stuff their opinion in a drawer when they come back with ideas you don't like. The republicans seem to be small minded thinkers that want our nation to be what it was in the '50s, but guess what, we aren't in the fucking '50s! In the 21st century, we need 21st century leadership and waging war is not the way to do it. The information age has made the whole world smarter and why fight it? Why question those that know or think more than you? What do you have to lose? What do you think the "scary" experts are going to do? They make a living thinking about ways to make our civilization better. They aren't sacrificing the American working class by subsidizing Wal-Mart. They aren't selling their souls for an outdated energy source. They aren't living in the past, but in the future. The progressive minds of America's past still live in the minds of those today, they simply have different strategies. Sorry, the world isn't about winning and losing wars nowadays.

Bottom line, the victims of 9/11 would have wanted America to remain strong, not fearful. Fighting hate with hate is not a strategy that works. Our government should exercise strength in judgment not force. In the wake of 9/11 we should have stressed the economic, social, and technoligical development of our country not our fear. However, fear tactics work, if you let them. Fear media sells, if you let it. Fear scares people into submission, if you let it. But intelligence overcomes. The most difficult problems in this world are overcome not out of love or fear or hate, but out of thought. We got to the moon because we used our heads, not our hearts. We will succeed as a nation only if we return to the decision making abilities of leaders long since gone. Our generation is better than what we have become and only when we use our heads will things change. We need a government that instills hope and optimism in our people not fear and hate.

Pick whoever you want this November, but please USE YOUR HEAD, NOT YOUR HEART when you cast that ballot.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Sci-Fi, The Final Creative Frontier

The other day I Netflixed Wrath of Kahn because my roommate is a big Star Trek fan and I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and check out some Billy Shatner and Leo Nimoy. This wasn't the first Star Trek movie I had seen. When I was 13 I had the impulse to see First Contact in theaters, despite the fact that I wasn't a big Sci-Fi fan. I enjoyed the next generation flick at the time and after seeing the old crew do their thing, I was again reminded that I actually like this sort of stuff.

Star Trek? NERD!

Yeah, that is what I thought of Star Trek growing up. I figured it was all these dorks watching humans and aliens run all over the Cosmos in unrealistically futuristic situations. I don't know what compelled me to see First Contact and despite being a big Star Wars fan, I really didn't get into Star Trek. Plus, the depth of the series, ie The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Voyager, all that jazz was really intimidating to get into, so I didn't. My family was also really into sports over things like Sci-Fi so I really wasn't in an environment that encouraged this kind of selection.

However, now that I am a few years older and can appreciate things for their inherent worth outside other people's influence, I have begun to change my perspective quite a bit. I suppose it doesn't help the nerd cause when they are stereotyped as guys that never get laid or see the light of day, but as I grew up I realized that I had some social skills as well as a sizable dorky appetite. In moving across the country, you really get the chance to see how other people see and do things and now I live with a guy that knows a lot about Star Treak (as well as being a decent socialite) so I figured, hey what the hell, I'll check it out.

Creativity at its Best

After watching a few movies now, I've come to realize the power that Sci-Fi has to offer. It may seem a little over the top but the bottom line is not how sophisticated the special effects can be or even how benign a writer can make a race of people. The best thing about science fiction is that it expands the realm of human experimentation.

Lets take a look at your average comedy or romance or even crime thriller. Are they all THAT different from each other? Ocean's 11, the Italian Job, Will and Grace, Dharma and Greg, Friends, Two and a Half Men, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, the list goes on. These are all great shows with great writers, but they only lasted 10 or so years (at most) and not every age group can enjoy them. I believe the issue associated with this is the limitation of human interaction. There are only so many things humans can do on this earth and only some of them can be articulated well on screen. Maybe you can change locations or set up a really unique backdrop, but in the end, continually reinventing yourself gets to be difficult. It seems like every year another series of action movies and romantic comedies comes out and they are rarely ever different than the dozens that came before it. Hell, most of the time we see sequels or remakes like Die Hard 4 or Night Rider.

What is amazing about Sci-Fi, however, is the realm of experimentation. Shows like Star Trek were brilliant and successful because in having a show take place in space and in the future, a writer has complete freedom. What do I mean by freedom? Lets say you wanted to experiment with culture clashes. If you take a look at our world, you could pick Western vs Eastern cultures, or may the Middle East vs the US, Gays vs Heterosexuals, Men vs Women etc.. These are fine examples but they also carry a lot of baggage with them, such as historical accuracy, public appeal, political implications, etc.. With so much red tape it becomes incredibly difficult to really utilize genuine creativity. Writers have to spend so much time adhering to established norms and criteria that breaking ground is almost impossible. However, Sci-Fi has the advantage of shedding contemporary standards and allowing a writer to have complete freedom. In Star Trek, the future is utilized because it allows a writer to experiment with human/social evolution and having the series occur in space allows for tampering with physics for greater creative control.

There was a great episode I caught the other day called Parallels. This is the one where Worf is traveling back from a competition and he manages to accidentally slip into this weird vortex of quantum realities. This is a tough complex to rationalize, but the point is that every instant, we as a collection of atoms make decisions. Look left, walk right, stand up, sit down, etc... In quantum theory, all of these choices occur in separate realities and each plays out. Worf manages to create an opening into this vortex and realities begin to merge.

Now I don't expect anyone to completely buy or even understand this premise, but the point is that a writer creates an environment that is outside our current understanding as a human race to develop a scenario, the Sarah Connor Scenario, ie You're all mistaken, I'm the one that gets it and you all need to understand. This is an incredibly difficult situation to grasp and it would be easy to understand how it could drive a person insane. However, the writers for Star Trek attempt to logically rationalize and experiment with this sort of information in attempt to sort through the chaos. How does a crazy person convince everyone that he/she isn't crazy, but that he/she is sane and everyone else insane? This is more or less the topic discussed and the writing is very beautiful in that sense. Maybe you agree with it, maybe you don't, but at the very least the audience gets the mental exercise.

A more subtle topic in this episode is the love affair between Worf and Deanna. Much like a black person involved with a white one, this cross species interaction is controversial but highlights a topic that has been toiled over for centuries. In the series, Worf has no interest in Deanna, but as a catalyst to the situation, one of the realities he stumbles upon is one where he and Deanna are married. What a novel concept? Just cut out the middle step. Assume that you are already together, what then? If this story were constructed in contemporary society, it would impossible to make this leap, but with Sci-Fi it is possible. At this point Worf interacts with a Deanna that is in love with him and despite his lack of interest, he has to appreciate the situation. 

To really thicken the plot (beyond this episode) after he is transported back to his original reality, he has the knowledge of his previous experience (the one where Deanna loves him) and he now sees Deanna in a new light. He has to live with the knowledge that in another world, he and she are married and this may or may not compel him to establish that reality in his existing one. This sort of social interplay would be impossible, or at least extremely difficult to articulate, in main stream literature and that is why Sci-Fi is so ingenious.

Mental Exercise

The best thing about Sci-Fi is the mental exercise. "Lets say that....". Most people would say, "that would never happen" and be done thinking but the mental exercise is amazing. Lets say everyone spoke the same language or lets say our government concurred the world or lets say we could colonize mars, what then? Sci-Fi allows us to set up the conditions and allow our minds to fill in the details. "I dunno, what do you think?". Use logic, use reason, use whatever you want. What would happen if this or that happened? Can you imagine a world different than our own? What would survive a thousand years of social evolution? What would humans cherish? What would we be indifferent towards? It doesn't matter what the answer is, just that there is an answer, some sort of logical conclusion established from data and assumptions that are accepted by the pertinent parties.

However, a term like mental exercise excites few, mainly the nerds, and that is why Sci-Fi appeals to us. Most people are not interested in expanding their mental understanding. A lot of people are content with their surroundings and the idea of thinking outside the box is more than they can handle. What's important is that exercising your mind is how you develop your intelligence. People aren't born smart, they need to develop their brain just like you would your legs or your arms. You need to experiment with problems in order to solve future ones. Why do you think video games spawn smart kids? It has little or nothing to do with hand eye coordination but rather critical thinking and logic. Approach a situation, attempt to over come it. Oh wait, you died? Oh well, try again and again and again until you get it right. Thinking critically is the constant and when you find yourself in a real world situation maybe you way your options carefully, maybe you don't. Maybe you use judgement, maybe you use impulse.

In any event, I think Sci-Fi offers the experimental freedom that political science, psychology, and sociology cannot. Even the most basic of sciences, such as chemistry, biology and physics, have their limitations that can be overcome with Sci-Fi. When analyzing humans, it gets difficult to experiment because the time line is too long and people matter too much. We cannot develop a race of people to play with but we can create a theoretical situation and if it makes logical sense, perhaps we can learn from it. As it stands now, people are against abortion, cloning, gay marriage, etc... because of accepted human behavior. This limits what we can and will be in the future and Sci-Fi has the ability to develop scenarios that play with those social assumptions. It then becomes a matter of what is believable or rationale rather than what is right or wrong. There is a reason why logic is all over the place in Sci-Fi, it is the only thing that can transcend our contemporary ideology. If everything I say is true (or accepted by the audience) than a conclusion that I arrive at logically, must be correct. 

Closing Thoughts

Anyway, I suppose the point of all of this is not that Sci-Fi is cool, but that it is intelligent. Perhaps people think that intelligent people like Sci-Fi, but the "why" isn't sufficiently discussed. Why would someone smart like Sci-Fi? It isn't because nerds like aliens and outer space but because it gives them mental freedom. They are not bound by laws, norms and trends. They can manifest whatever reality they want in their head and best case scenario offer a comparison to contemporary society with some mental experimentation. It is a visual articulation of thinking "outside the box". I love it.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

The Choices We Make...

...make us who we are. Such a cliche, I know, but I'm 25 and I'm starting to learn the value of all those old proverbs my mom taught me. For anyone that doesn't know me particularly well, my mother has been the most influential person in my life and I attribute much of my adult success to her.

Anyway, choices...such an interesting experience, the human experience is. See we human beings became self aware, hell, who knows how long ago. But in doing so, we really developed some complex biological, psychological, and social capabilities. Think about it, being self aware not only means that you know you exist but also that you are distinct from every thing else around you. This is easily one of the most important things in our evolution and one of the fruits of the Darwin Tree is the ability to communicate, and not just communicate but expand the limits of organism to organism contact.

So whats the problem? Well, in communicating at a simple level, the most basic thing seems to be assigning roles. Whether it is fighting it out, or some sort of language I don't understand, most mammals communicate to figure out things like hunting patterns, mating patterns, migration, child rearing, etc... Anyway, the reason why this is important is that the concept of lying does not exist, better yet, not doing what you say your going to do, does not exist.  It just doesn't make sense.  An animal that didn't do its job would be selected against, either by nature or the pack. The best example I can think of is a subpar male showing off for a female.  He comes off as the best, he is wheeling and dealing but then a bigger bad ass come through and lets him have it. The bogus nature of male #1 is quickly exposed and nature selects him for expulsion.  Sorry Charlie, you just aren't what you came off as.

However, human males can say a variety of things to attract a mate, hell they might even lie. Maybe they don't flat out lie but they can at least embelish or make claims that they don't make good on. This works for a variety of reasons, one being, people want to believe things naturally. We want happy endings and want to believe in all things good because we are emotional and the emotion tied to good is happy and happy is the emotion humans treasure the most.

Where this becomes a problem is that since the dawn of modern human language the concept of "Talk is Cheap" becomes apparent. What does that mean? Saying your going to do something means nothing. Doing something is doing something. Making bold statements or over the top claims is only successful when you make good on those things. With this in mind, I have been somewhat successful as an adult by making good on my claims. I feel like people rarely understand how important this is, mostly because a lot of people don't it. They make idle new years resolutions or promises. That isn't to say that they are quitters, but be realistic. If you cannot do something or will not do something, don't say you are going to. I can't tell you how many brilliant people here at Yale have ideas about the future or their life or what they are going to do and they rarely have the focus to see anyone of them through to completion.

Why would this be the case? Well for most people, a student's life is more or less memorization and regertitation. You go to school, you learn something, you spit it out. Maybe you even remember it. However, once you become an adult it does not matter what you can say or even write. The real world does not care about your drive, your ambition, or your goals. The world cares about the finished product. The world wants something in the "out box".

What's the point? I think people underestimate the damage that bold claims can have. If you constantly go out there saying you are going to do something or that you want to do something, and rarely ever get there, you begin to chip away at your ambition. You spread yourself so thin and in reality are constantly falling short. Perhaps you got close and missed, but if you didn't even try, two major things happen. 1) You have no idea what you are capable of and 2) no one takes you seriously, no one believes you.

When I started out at Yale I thought getting a PhD meant that I would know everything about science. I would know the ins and outs of every single biological function for at least mammalian cells. However, I could not have been more wrong. Getting a PhD is not about what you learn, but about what you produce. The goal is basic, figure out a project and advance the field. No pressure. Yeah right.

If and when you make it out of Grad School, the interviewers don't care what you did, just that you took a single topic and focused on it for 4 or so years and changed the way people think about the world. For an engineer it might be to build a building, or a painter to paint something, either way, a PhD simply means that you reached a very specific goal and that determination and focus are what people want in an employee. In getting a PhD, you tell the world, "yes I will make good on what I say I will. I spent 1/5 of my life and focused on one solitary mission and I achieved it".

Now this doesn't mean everyone should go out there and get PhDs, but the point is this, make good on what you say you're going to do. It could be taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. It could be getting an A in geometry or losing 30lbs. Set a goal for yourself, and get there. Don't go over the top, just set a goal you can reach. Then maybe another. Then another. In the end you might not end up where you thought you would but you'll be somewhere good and you will have earned it.

Anyway, as I have gotten older and seen more of this world, I've come to learn that there are lots of kinds of people. One could be the "tall tale tellers" and another could be the "move and shakers". Nothing against telling stories, their great, but be the later. Be the guy or gal that sees it through to completion. Make good on your claims, talk is cheap. A person can say anything, an adult will say something and not only mean it but do it.

So the title of this post is "the choices we make" and that is what the bottom line is. Talking requires no energy or effort, its just exercising a few muscles in your neck and breathing out. However, if you chose to go to school over sleeping or you chose to stay loyal to a significant other or you cheat, your choices are who you are. I am here at Yale because I had a mission to get my PhD at a bad ass institution and I made the choices to get here. Many of them were difficult and it sucked at times, but I set a goal for myself and I wanted to complete it. I didn't want to be another person that just "talked" about doing something, I was going to do it.

This lesson is so valuable because it can help anyone. I was watching sports center the other night and one of the anchors said a very powerful thing in passing, "everyone is treated fairly, not everyone is treated equally". You get what you earn. If you put yourself out there and make intelligent choices, you will get the respect and accolades you seek. Maybe its a rich white kid choosing to do his homework, maybe its an inner city kid choosing not to do drugs, either way, both made good choices. Yes, whites have it better than minorities, but your judgement, your decision making ability is the same across the board. If you weigh your options and choose wisely, you will come out successful at the other end.

I've had friends and significant others that represent the spectrum of human personalities and sadly, many of them fall in the category I am currently criticizing. It does not matter what they say or how they say it, it matters what they do and a lot of them do not make good on their claims. Many people have supported me in my academic research as well as my ultimate journalism and some have even asked how I did it. To those and anyone out there listening, I do what I say I'm going to do. I make choices and I never make a promise I can't keep. This isn't to say I went out and I changed the world. All I did was follow through on my statements and if you want to be a successful adult, that is the life you want to lead. The choices you make, make you who you are and if you want to be something, you have to chose to do something and then go out and do it.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

The Wrong Side of Ultimate Media

So I had an opinion about ultimate but I don't want to post on my main blog because I'm afraid it will get too much exposure and I'll piss someone off. Anyway, here I get more or less the same crowd, but a on bit smaller scale so I thought I'd drop it here.

Ultimate Media

To get everyone acclimated, this is what I think about when I write. I put together an article about what I believe to be a relevant topic in ultimate. Right now its Worlds and the Club Season. I've got an article about Australia up right now on the blog and 5 on mssui. I've got ones on Boston and GOAT written but I'm waiting for the editor to edit/publish them.

Anyway, so after I publish, I sort of sit back and watch what happens. The shitty thing about posting on mssui is that I get no feedback. I made a 3rd blog (wow, 3!?!) called mssuicomments where folks can talk about mssui articles but no one seems to care. I suppose now my media has become informative over opinionated so I get the feeling people just read it and go "ok". However, I do like things like bananacut but it doesn't really give me much of an indication on what folks think of what I write. I have no real idea how the site works, just that the higher the number on the side of the article, the more folks like it, I suppose. But I wonder if people that read my stuff even know about bananacut. Then again, I used to get a lot of love on bananacut but not so much anymore. Ah, whatever fuck'em.

And this is where my current topic begins.

The Wrong Side of Ultimate Media

Anyway, so there are a few kinds of Ultimate articles. Stuff like this, which is nice and cute but I think it's a waste of time and then my stuff. I write about whats going on with teams and maybe a fun topic here or there, but other folks write about the growth of ultimate or ultimate getting exposure by Sports Illustrated or something. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with this and I understand why folks do it, but I think it's just stupid. (Starting to see why this is here and not on Diesel?)

Here's my beef. When people talk about basketball or football or even golf, they never talk about playing it. Same with less main stream sports like X-games stuff. Tony Hawk isn't getting on the mike and saying "Yeah we love this stuff, all kids should get skateboards, it'll change your life". He is just doing his thing and getting some awards/endorsements in the process. The reason why he can get away with this is because most people that watch baseball or football or whatever don't want to be the sports star, they just want to watch. Yes, every 8 year old wants to be Albert Pujols, but for the bulk of the adult fan base, most grown men are just like, "what'd he do today?" and that is what I want for Ultimate.

Now I suppose some folks could say, "we'll we want the sport to grow and we are trying to get exposure for it". What I think people don't understand is the delivery of Ultimate. How many times has someone been extremely enthusiastic about something and tried to get you to do it. Maybe if you're 8 or 10 you'll pickup Skateboarding, maybe if you're 15 or 18 you'll try Snowboarding, maybe at 20 or 22 you'll pickup surfing, but after awhile our ability to integrate into something new diminishes. Making new friends, changing ones lifestyle, all that stuff gets really hard once you get a bit older, simply because you are "set in your ways" and to make matters worse, what is scarier than someone who is over enthusiastic about something that you could care less about? How quickly would you have someone's interest in horse riding or fencing or capoeira go in one ear and out the other? Lighting fast, right?

But why are these sports more successful than ultimate? Why do they bring in 10X more people than ultimate? Because the interest to watch is there, the fanhood is there. Why do you think Baseball is America's sport? Because little kids want to be superstars, construction workers and plummers follow their favorite club, there are fans.

So I suppose the main issue with this human interest pieces is that they don't spark sustained interest in the sport. People that are not into the sport appreciate that there are people out there that enjoy a different game, but aside from that, there really is no further action. It becomes a simple news story, like "local boy saves elderly woman in fire" or "local high school sets recycle record". Yes, its cute and nice, but in a week, no one cares.

A Better Direction for Ultimate

What I find depressing about ultimate is that the people that play it don't even know whats going on in the sport. They themselves are not even fans. I would venture a guess that maybe 1 in 5 ultimate players are avid fans, ie they read up on teams, they know tournament schedules, basically, they have an interest in the sport outside their own team. This is crucial because it gives our sport credibility. Take IM flag football for example. Wouldn't you venture a guess that most people that play football for fun would have some idea of what is going on with it at the highest level? Or perhaps at least more would know than don't know. Could you say this about ultimate? How many players in summer league, college programs, or even club programs know/care about Sockeye or Bravo? Or even have an opinion? This is not good. If our sport was so bad ass and people should pick it up, why aren't players actually fans of it?

This isn't to say that ultimate players are at fault because, honestly, it isn't easy to become a fan. I have been following ultimate for about 5-6 years and there are still things I don't know because a lot of the information is cryptic or not published. This is why I started a blog and why I support things like mssui so much. I think the huddle is nice and I respect the interest in it, but I just don't really care about ultimate technique that much. To me, the writers are slightly above rule junkies. Yes, I think what you're doing is good, but I just don't care. No matter how much I read, I will always be limited by my athleticism and my geography. If I hit the track a ton and move to an ultimate hub, I might be able to make Sarasota but reading every article on the huddle isn't really going to improve my game all that much. But thats just my opinion. it isn't right or wrong, just mine. Feel free to read it all you want.

However, the bottom line is that I think the expansion of our sport through "spreading awareness" and exposing new comers to it via things like CSTV is really a waste of time. People that have never seen the sport are not going to pick it up simply by seeing it on TV. Most people cannot judge something with such a brief interaction and more importantly, people are resistant to change. The only way people will get involved with something new is if they think they'll like it and what better way than to see people enjoy it themselves.

If players developed the fan core that so many other sports have, wouldn't it be a much more appealing venture to new comers? I feel like if ultimate wants the size and reach of things like Lacrosse, we as a community need to support our "heroes" more. As it stands now, I get so much shit for liking this team or that and it makes me sad because you'd never hear of someone getting shit for wearing a Celtics jersey, unless you're a Laker fan. Ultimate should be no different.

As it stands now, I think ultimate is like a pyramid scam. You have a bunch of powerful people at the top spreading the game but as they spread it, only the bottom gets bigger. The number of elite few that are earning championships doesn't change but the community expands. In my opinion, it would be better if the sport were more like a sphere. You have a dense core of elite competition but it is surrounded by different groups and organizations that contribute different things. You can have media, fans, vendors, merchandise, etc.. All things that add the sport but are not player based. More or less, it wold be nice if someone cared more about the current players/community as opposed to just constantly focusing in on new people. It reminds me of UCSD. When I was there, once you paid your tuition, they couldn't care less about you. However, they invested millions in getting new students, and once they got there, bam, you're old news.

So here are two ideas that I have regarding this topic. 1) Drop CSTV. Talk about a waste of time. Every tournament from Centex to TiV to Club Nationals is covered by Rob on Ultivillage and so many people enjoy it. However, College Nationals is not. The UPA went with CSTV in order to give their competitors the "best experience possible" but in all honesty, it didn't change the tournament at all. If you make Nationals you are already stoked and adding this or that amenity is really tangential to the whole experience. It would be like buying a baby an iPhone. A baby is just a baby. It is just happy to be there and do its thing. It's not like you have to improve its life. However, if you give that iPhone to the parent, maybe they can take pictures of their kid and send them to friends and family. Likewise, CSTV is really for the fans if anyone. Most players at Nationals don't think about ultimate outside the lines and they shouldn't. They should focus on their game and thats it. However, if you are going to film the sport, you might as well package it in a way that the fans appreciate. It is theoretically sound to give ultimate the CSTV exposure, but as it stands now, you aren't targeting the right audience. It's like building a brand new pool for a high school, when they really need a new football field. Yes, theoretically, people enjoy swimming and you might get a rise in water sport participation, but if everyone wants something else, why not give it to them? Ultivillage is the wave of the future and the truth is that it packages a better product than CSTV ever could. The fans want ultivillage and the UPA is not practicing good judgement by staying with CSTV. In my opinion, broadcasting the sport is about giving the people at home the best experience possible and CSTV does anything but.

And here is idea #2. Why doesn't the UPA subsidize 5 Ultimate by offering financial breaks to teams that buy 5 Ultimate jerseys? 5 Ultimate is all over the UPA site and rather than have companies like Under Armor and Patagonia gobble up all the money in the sport, why not offer contracts to 5 Ultimate? Here is what the UPA should do. Tell teams that if they buy 5 Ultimate uniforms, they can have their UPA dues reduced/comped. 5 Ultimate offers the UPA part of the deal and instead of having money go the UPA and Patagonia, you have a closer circle with money going to 5 Ultimate and the UPA. You build an ultimate conscience company and cover your expenditures at the same time. Whats better is that if you go with something like this, it makes it easier for these companies to make excess jerseys to sell to supporters. 5 Ultimate can request that teams buy more apparel and those teams can sell them as a fund raiser, not unlike what Wisconsin and Chain Lightning have done.

With this sort of infrastructure, you could have a 5 Ultimate website that could sell jerseys and shorts to teams as well as fans and grow in a way that no ultimate based company has been able to do. As it stands now, the biggest issue for companies like VC and GAIA is that teams drop them for Patagonia or basically shuffle around and loyalty is out the door. However, if the UPA pulled an NFL move and backed a single company like 5 Ultimate, who they already support, they could give teams an incentive to stick with them. You still have to fill out forms for UPA IDs but the membership gets paid for along with your uniforms, good idea right?

Closing Thoughts

In any event, I just wish ultimate were a bit more consistent. Things like refs and fans give the sport a legitimate shot at growing. Expanding it at just the player level is nice, but its like educating college students. Yes, giving a kid an education from UCSD or Texas or whatever is good, but how often does it reflect well on the school itself. However, if you have a football team or just have pride associated with the school, people will show much more support and you increase your reach.

The UPA talks about expanding the sport, but I think it is going about it the wrong way. Why bring in new kid after new kid that is trying to learn a flick when a majority of your sporting population doesn't even care about the sport at the highest level? Why not spend more energy investing in fans and promoting the current players/teams, rather than trying to bring in new ones. As it stands now, people have taken the time and energy to invest themselves in the sport with companies like 5 Ultimate and ultiviallge, why not reward it? Why not license the sport out to them so that they can build the sport and themselves in the process. Patagonia, CSTV, these companies don't need ultimate and they aren't helping ultimate. They are like Wallmarts, gobbling up resources and giving little back.

I am a scientist meaning I am objective and I try and persue truth where possible. Established trends and loyalties are only good if they work and right now, I think that there are better ways of doing things. If CSTV was really doing its job, why has Rob done so well? If you are going to support 5 Ultimate, why not do it with some gusto? Yes these ideas are radical, but anyone with a mind for improvement knows that if you look at something that is what you want, the best way to get it, is to follow in its footsteps. If you want a sport to be played across high schools across the country and you want ultimate to be watched by people old and young, you have to take the necessary steps. The NFL, MLB, NBA, etc... are all perfect examples and taking what they have in common and applying them to ultimate is not a sin. It is a good business strategy and if the powers that be really want the sport to grow, this is the way to go.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

PS I think this belongs on MD but I will get someone from the UPA up my ass for talking bad about them.  I hate having to always fight for my opinions, but I suppose thats the burden.  Anyway, I've got a poll up.  Should or should I not post this on MD?

Culture Clashes

Will they ever end? I recently was reading an article on CNN.com about a father who killed his daughter because she refused to participate in an arranged marriage. This is an incredibly sad and horrible situation and I don't need to discuss how terrible this is. However, one point the article makes is the challenge that immigrants and immigrant offspring face when coming to America.

I suppose my first big experience with culture differences came when I went to Japan. In the United States, Asian males have it pretty tough. I have been around my fair share and it is pretty obvious that Asian males like their Eastern Culture, their video games, they are relatively introverted, and have a tough time competing with white/hispanic/black males for female attention. Asian females don't really have the same problems because if they are willing (and attractive I suppose) they can be swept up in Western Culture because they carry an exotic label.

But getting back to Asian males. When I went to Japan, I couldn't help but observe the culture and I realized, "Hey, Asian males could breed here". The entire country is very repressed, technology oriented, and methodical. There isn't a lot of individual expression and societal pressure and conformity are well established. For males this is good because it puts pressure on women to conform to them. However, in western culture, people are very liberated and free. Men and women are equals and men have to do more to attract females. In America, very few asian males secure mates outside their own race and I think it's because they are like a "fish outta water". If they are extremely extroverted and outgoing, maybe they have a chance but for the most part they are not and they get passed up by white/hispanic/black women and asian women looking for a louder more taboo alternative pass them up as well.

So the reason why I point this out, in addition to the "honor killing", I wonder if cultures will ever be able to coexist. America is a giant melting pot but after living in a variety of places, it seems like ethnicities cling to one another. In California, Asian communities will segregate themselves from the surrounding white/hispanic neighborhoods in order to keep their children "pure". I once dated a girl from Temple City and her family was extremely traditional and despite the fact that some had lived in the US for over 30 years, they still could not speak English.

At the time, I thought that perhaps Asians, and all immigrants including Hispanics, and middle easterners were like this, but white people were not. However, after moving to New England, I can say that white culture is anything but homogeneous. Here in Connecticut, there are so many sects of white people, especially Italians and Jews. These groups, despite appearing white, stress "purity" in their ranks, even hundreds of years after their families immigrated. I mean you have websites like JDate for the jewish community and after having lived with an Italian, they REALLY like to breed with one another. Italians are very conservative and traditional and they like to keep things "pure".

The same goes with new immigrants. I work with a woman from Russia and despite the fact that her son has spent most of his life growing up in the US, she still wants him to wed a Russian. I have also come across asians and middle easterners and they stress the same ideals.

So in the end, I suppose the big question is, what will prevail? A general melting pot? Or will these ethnic divides persist? I think it is funny that despite all our intelligence and advancement, we as Americans still resemble the Prison mentality of sticking with your own kind. Neighborhoods tend to be very homogeneous and I think it is funny when people advocate things like diversity.

Diversity is a funny concept. Universities like Yale and Stanford stress diversity but it appears to be only skin deep which seems to perpetuate bigotry instead of alleviating it. There is some diversity at Yale but it is usually just skin color and socioeconomic diversity (which seems to be the kicker) is non-existent. To make matters worse, this is the diversity we should be aiming for but it is relatively impossible. This is covered in another article I read by a Yale English Professor.

I think the biggest problem is that mankind is still relatively immature. We want certain things to be a certain way and we fight tooth and nail against things like human nature and reality. Diversity is forced with things like affirmative action and race based admissions and in reality, it only hurts us all. Its like if I was trying to form a softball team with all of my friends and we had the goal of winning. Now, in doing this I have to decide between one of two things, 1) Do I want to win? or 2) Do I want to play with certain personal? In reality I am really lucky if I can get both but I probably can't. I can push the people I want to the plate and hope they succeed but in reality, if they aren't ball players, I am probably going to lose at some point. In the end, I will either have to go get other players or settle for not winning.

The parallel could be drawn to things like jobs and universities. Do you want the best employees or do you want certain personal, because you cannot have both. I don't mean to digress into affirmative action issues, but I think diversity and culture mixing are incredibly paradoxical. Yes, in a Disney world we would all get along, but in reality, it just doesn't work that way, sorry. The US gets a bad wrap for having a racial problem, but how many other countries are dealing with the same sorts of cultural issues. It would be like mocking our efforts at colonizing Mars, I don't see anyone outside the US trying.

What makes this all so frustrating is that we as human beings think we matter so much. We want everyone to be equal and everything to be hunky dory, and to be honest, life doesn't work that way. We evolved from little rats because we fought each other for dominance. Survival of the fittest is the paradigm and while it has changed a little bit from your exterior to your mental capacity, the general themes still prevail. Just because we want a certain race to improve or be what we want them to be, doesn't mean they can or will. You can give every ethnicity opportunities that are usually given to white people and it is not surprising that they don't follow through on it. Hell, they aren't programmed for it. Ethnicities cling to one another and the more diverse things get, the more people will cling to their roots. Forcing mixing is like forcing two pandas to mate. It might make perfect sense to the zoologist but he/she isn't a panda. They cannot understand the mindset and therefore their input is relatively inconsequential.

What I also find funny along these lines are things like "Save the (enter endangered environment/species here)". Why are we so concerned with saving Whales or Pandas or Polar Bears or whatever? If an organism does not have what it takes to survive in modern society, then they should be weeded out, sorry. That is how the world works. Dinosaurs died off and mammals took their place. The little rats didn't attempt to save them because they were more concerned with themselves.

We as humans think we have so much control over out planet and our universe. We think it is on us to save the rain forests or save this or that when in reality, we need to just be humans. If there is some inherent value in saving the Andian Condor or some other endangered animal please tell me. I think that the endangered society or whatever has their own future invested in saving animals and they play on human emotion to fund their cause. Yes it is noble and honorable and all that crap, but does it serve a purpose? If you were to look at things in decade or even century chunks, is there a role for Pandas on Planet Earth? I can imagine Nature freaks talking about preserving our surroundings, but why?

In reading this, people might label me as a bigot, racist, hell maybe even a facist, but I'm just searching for truth, what all scientists search for. In science, especially biology, we try and come up with a model, a rationale for what the cell is doing and we try and experiment to see if we are right. Sometimes we are and sometimes we aren't. However, if we are wrong, we have to change our model and think more critically. It would be nice if the cell behaved the way we want it to, but it doesn't. The eukaryotic cell has had billions of years of evolution to figure itself out and no grad student is going to dictate how it behaves. The same goes with people. Just because we want blacks and whites and asians to all get along doesn't mean it will happen. Our model society is a utopian melting pot, but in reality, that just isn't going to work. In the information age, we have learned a great deal about eachother but we must accept the fact that all this information might result in a conclusion we don't want. However, we cannot ignore or change it. What we can do however is accept it and move on.

A great line in Bulworth is "we all gotta keep fucking till we'll all the same color". A very insightful line, but in reality, ethnicities don't want it. They want identity, they want their own "pure" unblemished, traditional culture to survive. So why fight it? Why try and convince each other that we can all get along when we obviously cannot?

So the conclusion? Am I racists who wants the whites to rule and the minorities to suffer? No, I'm a scientist, all I want is truth. What is the truth about the world? Not what we want it to be, not what it was, not what it could be, what it is. Yes, happy racial mixing would be nice, yes universal cultural acceptance would be nice, yes equal opportunity in the purest sense would be nice, but is it the case? Rather than spend a ton of energy trying to create a world we want, why not figure out exactly what kind of world we live in.

The end result? Truth. When you understand the truth you get this great thing called judgement. If you understand the world around you, you get decide not what is the right answers but what is the best answer. Teaching judgement is something we should do, not "how to succeed in a white world". We strive to up test scores and increase college admissions but is that what success really is? If you look at things biologically, minorities are actually succeeding in the sense that they breed more, that is after all why we are here. White folks trying to make a ton of money or achieve greatness don't breed like disadvantaged minorities and in the end, whatever breeds, wins.

So you want happiness? You want success and pride and honor in your life? Judgement. Learn how to look at your surroundings and chose the best solution. An immigrant that comes to America needs to understand that their culture cannot be exactly the same as it was in their native land. If it was, all the baggage associated with it would come along with you and then you wouldn't be in America, the land of opportunity. If you can understand the truth then perhaps you can take the good with the bad. You can see where you can bend the paradigms and perhaps fit in. Maybe it isn't exactly what you want, but rather than stuff people in the "right" mold, why not offer them the truth and allow them to make the decisions on their own. That is after all what being human is all about. If someone wants to do drugs and ruin their life, we cannot stop them. All we can do is articulate reality the best way possible and let them decide for themselves. Forcing a person down one road or another will disenfranchise them because they are in essence giving up what god/the universe gave them, free will. Besides, doesn't feel better to earn something you want then something that someone tells you, you want? Decide for yourselves folks, learn the truth about your reality and decide for yourselves.

Judgement folks, the wave of the future.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Life is Meaningless, just try and get....

...whatever it is you want. For me it's science, ultimate, and asians, but hey, thats just me.

I recently was watching this thing on 60 minutes about genotyping and companies that may or may not be giving people a legitimate idea of what their genetic makeup is and what similarity they share with people throughout the world.

What I found interesting about it, was the fact that the people involved had such a sense of euphoria (for lack of a better word) in realizing that there was someone out there that they shared a genetic identity with. They seemed so surprised like god had touched them with his finger of creation and gave them some gift of enlightenment. However, as a scientist, I am already convinced that we all share genetic material from people around the world, mainly because we all came from more or less the same crop of organisms.

I know that this will go against a lot of religious beliefs and truth be told, i think if people get some kind of meaning from this information, than good for them. However, in my opinion, the identity of this planet and everything on it, is purely a matter of chance. The universe and the amount of time that is involved in its creation/development is so far beyond the scope of human beings. With that being said, we cannot understand that in this universe the probability of random arrangement of molecules forming our planet and its constituents is just as likely as a black hole, a brilliant super nova, or, in most cases, empty space. The fact that this planet is even here is more or less like being struck by lightning or winning the lottery. It's a 1 in a million gagillion shot.

The reason why I think people have issues understanding this is because they are so focused on the top half of the fraction, as opposed to the bottom. We think we are the 1, we are the most valuable, precious material on this earth or in this universe. However, we don't realize that we are actually just 1 in a sea of unimportant numbers. The water particles on some comet orbiting another galaxy are made up of the same initial startup components as we are and there is as much meaning in them as there is in us.

We are just the lucky lottery winners. There is no rhyme or reason to our existence, no purpose. Just like any person that gets struck by lightning or finds a hundred dollar bill on the street, we were just lucky.

Where things really matter is what we do with our time here. If a person wins the lottery, would they spend all their money trying to understand how they won in the first place? Would they attempt to find meaning in their winnings? I would hope not, simply because it would be a waste of time and energy. In my opinion, the best course of action would be to enjoy the money while it lasts.

The transition to life is fairly simple when you look at things in this manner. We as human beings (rich or poor, tall or short, fat or skinny) are in the 0.00000001% field, much like lottery winners, and should be happy that we are even here at all. The other 99.999999% of the carbon, oxygen and hydrogen atoms in the universe failed to manifest in a manner that precipitated life, ie they were the many that lost out.

I suppose there are people that need meaning, that need to think that there is some underlying purpose to why we are here. However, after a decade of higher education, I have found that the true purpose of life is the same for humans as it is for any other organism on the planet. Breed, do what you can to not get eaten, and try and fill the hours with stuff that is entertaining.

I think people tend to take themselves too seriously and we as people definitely do this as a whole. We are self-aware so we think we have some inherent purpose on this earth, but in all seriousness we have the same worth as a rock or a tree. The task then becomes, not what does life mean, but what does life mean to you. People are so consumed with expectations (external or internal) that they begin to think that there is some sort of operating manual for the human experience. However, in reality, you are as unique as it gets and the best way to live (in my opinion) is to simply enjoy the limited amount of time you have on this earth.

With that being said, things like money and materialism are really the evils of our world. People want to convince you that money and commodities matter because odds are they have a vested interest in your spending. Companies that market products want you to buy them so that they can have revenue. Yes their product might offer you something but in the end, you are giving them something back.

The reason I bother to bring this up is that people should always make informed decisions. Do you really want an iPod or do you just think you do? Do you really want a BMW or do you just think you do? I know that there are the gadget kids out there that want all the toys, but I find it really sad when people feel intense pressure to look or act a certain way, when in reality, life is to short to try and be someone/thing you aren't.

The bottom line is that there is no perfect way to live, there is no ideal existence. There is only what you have, based on the choices you make. In addition, failure is also a subjective term. If you can't reach a goal you have set for yourself, despite your efforts, it doesn't mean you are a failure. I have recently had to deal with this kind of thinking as a scientist with people putting pressure on me to become what they are in the scientific community, but truth be told, I just want to do what I want to do. I love to write and talk and teach and maybe I don't want to be a professor at a major university which means I'm not going to make the sacrifices to even try, it just isn't what I want.

I for one want to live the most bad ass life possible and I don't need/want anyone telling me how I should live my life. I know that there is no big plan or reason why I am here. I am not here to figure out how I got here. I am here to enjoy the time I have and I suppose I find it funny when people search for meaning when in reality, they are wasting the time god/the universe has given them.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Ignorance is Bliss

Its funny, I saw this movie, Renaissance Man, with Danny Devito and in the movie one of the characters says, "he who increases knowledge, increases sorrow".  This is a biblical quote from Ecclesiastes 1:18, and as I have gotten older I have realized how very true it is.

The World Sucks

I suppose the easiest way to start things is by looking at the world through an educated person's mind.  An educated person usually is out to find a place for themselves.  They want to do something that is unique, something that only they can offer.  Maybe they are successful, maybe they aren't but the goal is still the same.

However, in order to achieve this, you have to be able to detect weakness, you have to be able to look at your environment and see where it could be improved, hopefully by you.  Now this is great if you are a scientist, like myself, because you can look at the research that has been done and you can look for answers that have yet to be uncovered.  The more skeptical and picky you are, the better your science will be because it will be difficult to dispute.

The problem comes when you are off the clock, or simply thinking about anything else besides your work.  Those same gears that you apply to your work are automatically applied to everything else in your life.  Maybe you don't have the motivation to correct weakness in everything around you, but that doesn't mean you don't pick up on it.  This is where being intelligent sucks.  I think that I am more intelligent than your average person and I can say that while it is nice to be able to think critically, it gets to be burden.  Once cannot help but see weakness everywhere and what's worse is for the most part there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

Gas prices, inflation, politics, crime, etc..  The smarter you are the more you realize that a lot of these things are extremely complicated and the more you know the more you realize how feudal they can be.  This can come as a major source of frustration, because in the work place all you do is think about ways of solving problems so when you get to one you cannot solve, it becomes such a conflicting experience.  

In addition, you're mind begins to turn on you.  For less academic people, just "letting it go" or "getting past it" is easy.  You just don't think about it.  However, for me, thinking is all I do.  It is what I am good at.  I refuse to "let things go" because in the work place, it is my job to think it out and giving up is quitting and I just can't do it.

Insanity

After a few years of grad school, I have begun to sympathize with John Nash, the dude from Beautiful Mind.  I feel like most people can't understand his situation, not because they aren't smart but because their livelihood does not revolve around thinking.  For a lot of people their job is "to do".  Sell something, teach something, manage something.  However, for academic people, it is purely to think.  Focus on a problem and figure out the most intelligent way of solving it.  This may seem like the way to go, but it can be hell.

In addition to the frustration I mentioned previously, when thinking critically about work, it is difficult to not think about life in the same way.  This is where I think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder comes from.  When I think critically, I think of the best way to do something.  Now for somethings, doing it the most intelligent way is useful, say picking a house or job.  However, for other things, simply making a choice is all that is necessary.  Like with what food to eat or what to wear.  For all intents and purposes, it doesn't matter all that much but for me it is sometimes difficult to NOT over analyze, because that is what I get paid to do.  I have think each choice out carefully which can irritate those around me or potentially freeze my activity which is not a good thing.

Distractions also pose a huge problem with very intelligent people.  Telephones, other people, anything that disrupts your train of thought can be extremely agitating.  For me, as I develop mentally, I tend to forget where to draw the line with what is or is not important.  I find myself getting all worked up over very dumb things, simply because they don't work out the way I want or they detract me from something I want.  I suppose this is more or less a second level of immaturity and I have begun to understand that.  Recently I have been dating a woman who has a regular job with regular problems and her difficulties with her bosses are not unlike most other people.  However, as I have spent time with her, her work issues (which she gets over quickly) frustrate me so much.  She has to deal with so much inconsistency, contradictions, and hypocrisy and it drives me fucking crazy.  Sometimes I wish I could just forget about it.

I suppose my biggest fear is going insane.  My mind is so powerful that in reality it could take over my body.  I feel like I can think my way through anything and when I cannot I get so incredibly frustrated.  If there is some outside variable which I cannot control, say the weather, or another person, or a child, and it does not respond the way I want, I lose it.  I like to think things through completely and when they don't pan out, I don't understand and I feel dumb.  I shouldn't feel this way because there will always be things outside my control, but when those situations come, yikes.  I suppose I fear that the more they pile up or the more I come across them, I will have to come to a simple choice.  Fixate on it, or let it go.  As I have gotten older I have learned to let somethings go, but being a grad student has also made me impatient in different ways.  I spend so much time focusing on my own life (because I have to or i'll fail out) that it is hard for me to relate to others sometimes, or even be patient with them.  When they do not see things the way I do or they respond to me in a way I cannot rationalize, I get angry.  I wish I didn't but I do.  If I didn't, I would not have made it this far in my academic life.

Sports

As an athlete and now a writer, I have also come to realize that in sports, like everything else, ignorance is bliss.  Take a professional athlete like Kobe, or Lebron, or David Ortiz.  Lets say they hit a game winning shot or homerun.  The crowd goes wild, the reporter shoves a microphone in their face and what kind of answer do you get?  "I got an open look and took it" or "I got a pitch to hit".  Usually the reporter is aiming for some kind of emotional response to give to his/her readers but in reality, these athletes are not perceiving the game the way the fans are.  They just don't think about the pressure.  This is a skill I wish I had.  I play a sport and when I do, I want to play it the best way I can.  However, I cannot help but think that some of my mistakes come simply because my head got in the way.  Coaches tell their players "don't think, just execute" and this makes sense.  As athletes (and even soldiers) we are more or less trying to be machines. We are trying to do something the way we have a million times, without screwing up, just the way a machine would.  Thinking is not required and therefore only acts as a distraction and a potential problem. 

This is where I struggle.  If there is pressure, I feel it.  My analytical mind plays scenarios in my head.  What could go right, what could wrong., how much is at stake, the works.  This is dangerous thinking, but it is who I am.  Its like being tall.  Yes, it is awesome to be tall when you are playing sports, or meeting women, but when you are traveling it sucks ass.  You can't pick and chose when you are tall however, and are stuck with the cards you've been dealt.  Likewise with my brain, i am stuck thinking about everything in its entirety.  Sometimes, I wish I didn't but hey, I don't get to make that choice.

The Solution

In my opinion the solution comes with a compliment.  Finding a mate that fits his/her strengths/weaknesses with another's strengths/weaknesses is ideal.  I find it hilarious when people talk about what every guy wants or what every girl wants because it is such a ridiculous statement.  For starters, it doesn't matter what everyone else wants, it matters, what I want.  And secondly, everyone is SO different that they must want different things, right?

In any event, I have come to realize that I want a secretary.  I need a woman that can help me navigate my bullshit.  Some people would assume I want to date a scientist like myself and I could not disagree more.  I don't want to date someone like me, I am crazy.  I need a sane person to keep me in check.  To ease my mental strain when life throws me curve balls.  Yes I am smart, dependable, and entertaining, but the little things give me so much trouble.  People say Einstein couldn't tie his shoes or didn't know his address, and I can understand why.  For someone who thinks for a living, a lot of these things become meaningless because everyone knows them or everyone can do them.  What makes a scientist valuable is their ability to be unique.  However, the problem comes in those inopportune moments when you need to know those mundane details and that is when your perfect mate really reveals his/her worth.  I am lucky to have a person that does this for me and I can imagine that as I emerge from Yale and go forward in life as a thinker, I will need her more and more.  I love her very much and thank god she's asian.

just my thoughts

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A beach day In New England

Wow, this what an experience.  I recently went to the beach in Old Lyme, CT with my girlfriend and, holy crap, was it weird.  The east coast is so bizarre and I thought I would just give a run down on why.

West Coast Beach Experience

A day at the beach in Orange County or Malibu or Santa Monica mainly revolves around actually getting in the water.  Folks bring boogie boards, surfboards, fins, snorkels, the works.  And even if they don't go in with anything, they'll still body surf or something.  I will concede that some folks are just hanging and getting tanned but for the most part they are engaged in some sort of activity, whether it be in the water or tossing a football/frisbee around.

In addition, the demographics of these people are usually white and then some sort of minority, hispanic, black, or maybe asian.  Groups of each tend to be inter mixed unless they are families but for the most part there is a fairly decent mixture of people.  Not to say that southern california is a poster city for integration, because it isn't, but the ethnic divides are fairly blurry.  In addition, folks genuinely seem interested in themselves and what they are doing.  The surrounding population may have some relevance for "mate seeking" but more often than not, a beach trip involves some sort of purpose and groups tend to focus mainly on themselves, rather than folks around them, or at least that has been my experience.

East Coast Experience

Now, the reason I point these things out is that the east is so fucking different.  First off, there are soo many different kinds of white people and this makes sense.  If you look at the way the US has developed, the different ethnic populations congregated on the east coast from Europe.  Some of them got itchy feet and headed westward but, for the most part, the ones that stayed really stuck with their ethnic identity.  This is why I believe you have such large populations of Italians and Jews on the east coast and on the west its a lot harder to draw those lines.  White people out west are such a mix, probably because they all had babies as they headed westward and now its a giant melting pot.

In growing up in Southern California, I developed a fairly narrow view of what people were like, which makes sense, but in picking up and moving across the country, wow, are things different.  At the beach here, everyone looks the same.  It seemed like the major demographic was Italians and WOW, talk about some cliches.  First off, they all dress the same.  You have your buffed out males with their blown back hair.  They all have a cross around their necks (good catholic boys) and have dark sunglasses.  Lastly, they all have have tons of tribal tatooes which I find so ridiculous because if I were going to label my body, I wouldn't want something everyone else has.  Now I will concede that perhaps people all looked the same with their blonde hair and board shorts where I grew up, but man, these folks are so similar.  

As for the women, they are basically the same as well.  They all have tons of makeup on (at the beach?), they have really dark hair but light skin, which kinda looks weird, and they all have the same bikinis.  I think I saw at least a dozen women wearing zebra print bikinis.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  Are you guys trying to look alike?  It was so uncanny.  

And to sum it all up, no one was in the water.  it's like they all came just to be seen.  They layout and just sit there.  No one moves.  A few folks are tossing the football around or playing volleyball but 90% of the population is just soaking up the sun.  Oh and a bunch are smoking. SMOKING?!?!  At the beach?  Thats like drinking at work, in the sense that they were using a stimulant that seems to go in the opposite direction they want.  At the beach you are supposed to relax and all these people are sucking on cancer sticks.  It was sooo weird.

I suppose what makes things even weirder is that I have an italian roommate.  I get to see first hand how these folks think and I can't believe the conformity they follow.  Matt grew up in Philly and is half italian and he has no desire to live anywhere but the east and he wants to marry an Italian woman.  I find this so amazing because he has such a narrow view of the world.  He voluntarily blocks out several options and goes for what every other person like him goes for.  He even dresses like every other italian guy and works on his biceps in the same manner.  Not to say this is bad, because he genuinely wants this and knowing what you want is the best thing in the world.  But, I just don't understand it.

Conformity

I suppose it all comes down to being comfortable with who and what you are and a lot of these people have strong ethnic ties and I suppose thats a good thing.  I definitely think that out west people are more individualistic because their ethnicity is not nearly as prevalent.  I suppose that is why I am hell bent on being different from everyone else.  I hate the idea of being pigeon holed or being pegged as this kind of person or that.  I am a scientist but you've never guess if you hung out with me.  I'm also a social juggernaut which you couldn't tell from my career choice.  In the end I just want to be my own person, like none that has ever been (or that I've come across) and in looking at hoards of like minded people, I think my lucky stars that I am who I am.

In the end I guess this is what happens when you pack up and move across the country.  The east coast and the west are  basically different countries and I suppose the South, the Mid West, and Texas are just as different.  It's amazing how different our county is and while it might be advantageous in resources (ie farming, industry, etc..) but being so large definitely offers problems with culture clashes.  I am glad I moved all the way to New England because now I have a perspective on this country that is soo rare.  For the rest of my life I will be able to integrate cultural differences or at least appreciate the difference between my life and those around me.

just my thoughts

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War and Sports

I was thinking the other day about sports and why they are so popular among men and I realized that sports are THE model for War.  Think about it, what do sports do?  They increase physical fitness, they teach strategy and muscle memory, they are extremely quantitative, and participants are always trying to determine a winner.

What got me thinking about this was when I asked myself the question, "why do people want to win so bad?"  Who gives a rat's ass?  Yeah you won, but peripheral to money or women, what is really the gain?  I say women here because I think men are much more competitive than women, sorry, just my opinion.

In any event, I realized that sports and games in general are a means of conditioning and training our mind to think critically in a competitive manner.  If you think about this evolutionarily (I know, I do this a lot, sorry) man has always competed with other men for resources, be it food, land, or women.  If you think about it, sports and games have been a safe way to compete and train for real battle.  Take any major sport, most professional athletes are ideal examples of soldiers, especially for historic war fare.  Take a beast of a man like Ray Lewis.  If you could pick any random person to fight a long side you in battle or protect you, wouldn't Ray Lewis be a perfect example?  He is aggressive, hungry and scary.  The parallel to a dark age warrior is not difficult to draw.  And I say dark age because now a days warfare has become a bit more complicated so for this example, ancient warfare is a better model.

Now lets take a close look at football (you could do this with any sport).  Each player serves a purpose.  A team (which could be a country's military) has to be organized into different groups to maximize utility and efficiency.  Certain people serve different roles and purposes.  Take a quarter back, a great leader or "colonel" on the field (the coach could be the general).  He is responsible for coordinating several participants in an offensive campaign towards victory.  Death and destruction isn't the goal but penetration into a team's territory is and eventual conquest of their endzone is the goal, which could be like getting across enemy lines and planting your flag/government.  Success is determined by a point total and at the end, whoever has the more points wins.  This is just like a war, but no one dies

Even the vocabulary is the same.  In sports and warfare we use words like weapons, penetrate, demoralize, contain, strategy, execute, etc...  I find this to be eerie but it makes a lot of sense.  Why would males have such an inherent urge to win.  It has nothing to do with the accolades that are offered because they are fleeting.  A superbowl ring gets forgotten and previous winners mean very little, just like previous battles.  If a country wins a great war, fantastic, but winning now means more.  Who gives a shit if you won in the past, if you lose now, you lose everything.

In essence, I think this is why competition is so strong in people and why they work so hard to win.  It isn't about enjoying the game, it isn't about money or fame, it is about defending your turf.  That is why fans exist, they are like civilians.  It is even easier to draw the similarity because people tend to root for their home team.  This makes sense because it's like rooting for your tribe's or country's army in battle, of course they would be your team.  If your team wins, your region is dominant and at least for the time being, you reign supreme.  Survival of the fittest.

I find this to be an interesting situation because it shows how people have evolved to develop their warfare abilities.  In addition, it's also interesting because despite our advancements as a species, we are still as primitive as ever.  We as humans have such an inherent drive to distinguish ourselves from one another and to organize into defendable units.  In looking at the world this way, it is easy to see that things like World Peace will never happen.  We are animals just like lions and fish and we will fight one another just for the piece of mind that we are the best.  We need to feel dominate and sports train us to do so, or at least are a way of exercising those tendencies without death and destruction.  I think that is why people stick at risk kids into sports programs.  It channels your anger and aggression into a useable medium.  

I suppose then, that the idea of "can't we all get a long" is not possible.  It would be like trying to convince the NBA to form one giant team that just practiced.  They would never do it.  Athletes are competitors that want to duke it out between one another and figure out who the best is.  We as fans want that as well.  We need to know who the best is because we need to know who to follow.  We need to know who is the alpha male.  That is why we have things like MVP's and Hall of Fames.  Just like museums that celebrate historical figures like George Washington, Ulysses S Grant, and FDR, we have shrines that celebrate great athletes.  They aren't much different than soldiers if you think about it.  

What's funny, is the parallels of fighting wars poorly and sports is very interesting.  Take the Vietnam War or Iraq.  Our campaign is like sending in a great athlete to compete in a different game, no wonder you aren't successful.  Imagine it as a tennis match.  Going into a tennis match with a basketball player against a Federer or Nadal would be pretty useless.  Even if its someone like Kobe Bryant or LeBron, athletes with amazing abilities in their sport, you are still going to get owned by an opponent who's playing a different game.  It's not that one athlete is better than the other, one is just good at a different game and if your opponent choses the game you have to attack them intelligently.  You can't go with your primary option (ie football or baseball or basketball), you have to go with theirs, if its on their home turf.  That is why invasion of far off countries rarely works.  As an aggressor, odds are you aren't going to play your opponents game better than they do, it's just not possible.  maybe some places play your game, but not everyone will and you better adapt or you are just wasting your time.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts on the subject.  Thought it was kind of interesting.

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