The Choices We Make...

...make us who we are. Such a cliche, I know, but I'm 25 and I'm starting to learn the value of all those old proverbs my mom taught me. For anyone that doesn't know me particularly well, my mother has been the most influential person in my life and I attribute much of my adult success to her.

Anyway, choices...such an interesting experience, the human experience is. See we human beings became self aware, hell, who knows how long ago. But in doing so, we really developed some complex biological, psychological, and social capabilities. Think about it, being self aware not only means that you know you exist but also that you are distinct from every thing else around you. This is easily one of the most important things in our evolution and one of the fruits of the Darwin Tree is the ability to communicate, and not just communicate but expand the limits of organism to organism contact.

So whats the problem? Well, in communicating at a simple level, the most basic thing seems to be assigning roles. Whether it is fighting it out, or some sort of language I don't understand, most mammals communicate to figure out things like hunting patterns, mating patterns, migration, child rearing, etc... Anyway, the reason why this is important is that the concept of lying does not exist, better yet, not doing what you say your going to do, does not exist.  It just doesn't make sense.  An animal that didn't do its job would be selected against, either by nature or the pack. The best example I can think of is a subpar male showing off for a female.  He comes off as the best, he is wheeling and dealing but then a bigger bad ass come through and lets him have it. The bogus nature of male #1 is quickly exposed and nature selects him for expulsion.  Sorry Charlie, you just aren't what you came off as.

However, human males can say a variety of things to attract a mate, hell they might even lie. Maybe they don't flat out lie but they can at least embelish or make claims that they don't make good on. This works for a variety of reasons, one being, people want to believe things naturally. We want happy endings and want to believe in all things good because we are emotional and the emotion tied to good is happy and happy is the emotion humans treasure the most.

Where this becomes a problem is that since the dawn of modern human language the concept of "Talk is Cheap" becomes apparent. What does that mean? Saying your going to do something means nothing. Doing something is doing something. Making bold statements or over the top claims is only successful when you make good on those things. With this in mind, I have been somewhat successful as an adult by making good on my claims. I feel like people rarely understand how important this is, mostly because a lot of people don't it. They make idle new years resolutions or promises. That isn't to say that they are quitters, but be realistic. If you cannot do something or will not do something, don't say you are going to. I can't tell you how many brilliant people here at Yale have ideas about the future or their life or what they are going to do and they rarely have the focus to see anyone of them through to completion.

Why would this be the case? Well for most people, a student's life is more or less memorization and regertitation. You go to school, you learn something, you spit it out. Maybe you even remember it. However, once you become an adult it does not matter what you can say or even write. The real world does not care about your drive, your ambition, or your goals. The world cares about the finished product. The world wants something in the "out box".

What's the point? I think people underestimate the damage that bold claims can have. If you constantly go out there saying you are going to do something or that you want to do something, and rarely ever get there, you begin to chip away at your ambition. You spread yourself so thin and in reality are constantly falling short. Perhaps you got close and missed, but if you didn't even try, two major things happen. 1) You have no idea what you are capable of and 2) no one takes you seriously, no one believes you.

When I started out at Yale I thought getting a PhD meant that I would know everything about science. I would know the ins and outs of every single biological function for at least mammalian cells. However, I could not have been more wrong. Getting a PhD is not about what you learn, but about what you produce. The goal is basic, figure out a project and advance the field. No pressure. Yeah right.

If and when you make it out of Grad School, the interviewers don't care what you did, just that you took a single topic and focused on it for 4 or so years and changed the way people think about the world. For an engineer it might be to build a building, or a painter to paint something, either way, a PhD simply means that you reached a very specific goal and that determination and focus are what people want in an employee. In getting a PhD, you tell the world, "yes I will make good on what I say I will. I spent 1/5 of my life and focused on one solitary mission and I achieved it".

Now this doesn't mean everyone should go out there and get PhDs, but the point is this, make good on what you say you're going to do. It could be taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. It could be getting an A in geometry or losing 30lbs. Set a goal for yourself, and get there. Don't go over the top, just set a goal you can reach. Then maybe another. Then another. In the end you might not end up where you thought you would but you'll be somewhere good and you will have earned it.

Anyway, as I have gotten older and seen more of this world, I've come to learn that there are lots of kinds of people. One could be the "tall tale tellers" and another could be the "move and shakers". Nothing against telling stories, their great, but be the later. Be the guy or gal that sees it through to completion. Make good on your claims, talk is cheap. A person can say anything, an adult will say something and not only mean it but do it.

So the title of this post is "the choices we make" and that is what the bottom line is. Talking requires no energy or effort, its just exercising a few muscles in your neck and breathing out. However, if you chose to go to school over sleeping or you chose to stay loyal to a significant other or you cheat, your choices are who you are. I am here at Yale because I had a mission to get my PhD at a bad ass institution and I made the choices to get here. Many of them were difficult and it sucked at times, but I set a goal for myself and I wanted to complete it. I didn't want to be another person that just "talked" about doing something, I was going to do it.

This lesson is so valuable because it can help anyone. I was watching sports center the other night and one of the anchors said a very powerful thing in passing, "everyone is treated fairly, not everyone is treated equally". You get what you earn. If you put yourself out there and make intelligent choices, you will get the respect and accolades you seek. Maybe its a rich white kid choosing to do his homework, maybe its an inner city kid choosing not to do drugs, either way, both made good choices. Yes, whites have it better than minorities, but your judgement, your decision making ability is the same across the board. If you weigh your options and choose wisely, you will come out successful at the other end.

I've had friends and significant others that represent the spectrum of human personalities and sadly, many of them fall in the category I am currently criticizing. It does not matter what they say or how they say it, it matters what they do and a lot of them do not make good on their claims. Many people have supported me in my academic research as well as my ultimate journalism and some have even asked how I did it. To those and anyone out there listening, I do what I say I'm going to do. I make choices and I never make a promise I can't keep. This isn't to say I went out and I changed the world. All I did was follow through on my statements and if you want to be a successful adult, that is the life you want to lead. The choices you make, make you who you are and if you want to be something, you have to chose to do something and then go out and do it.

just my thoughts

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