Match Unleaded

Finding the Nipple

2009-01-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

The past year or so I have been interested in a few economic theories and how they apply to everyday life. Books like Freakonomics inspired me to think about things a bit outside the box and movies like Beautiful Mind showed me that basic social behavior and complex political activity can be articulated with the same language.

In Freakonomics, the author provides statistical evidence for a barrage of conclusions that, while very controversial, are exceedingly logical and convincing. My favorite one is the idea that Roe v Wade actually resulted in a massive reduction in criminal behavior, roughly 20 or so years later. The rationale being that persons likely to engage in criminal activity usually come from underprivileged backgrounds and the amount of abortions occurring in underprivileged settings is significant enough such that a significant amount of people that would commit violent crimes such as rape, murder, and aggravated assault were never born in the first place. The reduction in criminal behavior was observed by many circles in the early 1990’s but none outside of this particular author imagined it would have a cause 20 years in the past. It goes without saying that such a line of logic, while very clear and reasonable, is a perfect example of outside the box thinking.

In Beautiful Mind, there is a great scene where the main character, John Nash (Russell Crowe) comes to a realization while observing his fellow academics in pursuit of a beautiful woman. In the scene, he articulates how if he and all of his compatriots attempt to attract the same gorgeous female, they will invariably cancel one another out. To make matters worse, if they attempt to settle for a secondary female, they will undoubtedly be met with signs of disapproval because as John Nash states, “no woman likes to be second”. In any event, the conclusion I drew from this particular picture was the idea that sometimes it is better to tie than to win. Securing the hottest girl in the bar is great and worthy of Maxim Magazine publication, but it is probabilistically unrealistic. What is realistic however is achieving ones fundamental goal of securing a mate and while this may seem like settling, aiming for a much more attainable target usually results in dodging high maintenance pre-Madonna’s, something all men will eventually learn to appreciate.

Like Freakonomics, this idea can be applied to several topics outside the immediate application. For example, a nuclear war between the US and China or Russia is completely inadvisable because even if one wins, they both undoubtedly lose. The same goes for basic social interactions. To be abrasively stubborn in order to achieve one’s “way” at the expense of a relationship is foolish because unless it is something extremely important, the result is a Pyrrhic Victory, or a victory attained at too great a cost.

So with this background, I have a new idea that I’ve been kicking around for a few months, which I call, “Finding the Nipple”. Aside from the obvious sexual overtones, this conception is based around basic economic theory, more specifically, Reagan’s Laffer Curve. Briefly, the Laffer Curve is a compelling taxation figure that shows how a person should rationally approach earning money with respect to taxation. The curve looks similar to an inverted parabola, or a breast in my opinion, with the Y-axis being gross income and the X-axis taxation percentage. As one makes more and more money, the federal government taxes them more and more. If one makes zero dollars, they are taxed 0%, however as a person reaches Alex Rodriguez or CC Sabathia levels of income, the federal government actually takes greater than 50% of one’s income.

While this may seem like highway robbery, it is in fact very true and therefore has attracted the best economic minds in the business. While some tax lawyers would have their clients defer income circa “The Firm”, I am interested in determining how one establishes a maximum balance between two variables, ie finding the nipple of the breast so to speak.

Not surprisingly, this idea extends well beyond the realm of taxation/income and it is my belief that in developing an understanding of this concept, one can reach enlightenment with regard to their own life. Take for example the automatic transmission. For those that know how to drive a stick shift, accelerating a car by pressing on the gas not only results in movement, but increased output by the engine. Depending on what gear one is in, the RPM (revolutions per minute) of the engine rise at varying rates. In first gear they rise very rapidly resulting in more acceleration and more work done by the engine but in 5th gear, the RPMs fall dramatically resulting in less acceleration. So why 5 gears? Because the car requires a series of accelerations to achieve top end speed. A car must start off accelerating quickly to get from 0 to lets say 15 mph but the level of acceleration drops off when one goes from 30, to 40 to 50 mph. Why you ask? Because we all crave fuel efficiency, going 0 to 60 in 4 seconds does not make economic sense. The amount of engine output to achieve such a feat is more than most are willing to pay for, that is unless you are Jimmy Johnson trying to win the Nextel Cup.

So in the 1950’s engineers developed the automatic transmission, which was a machine that could effectively integrate the intricacies of acceleration, speed and fuel efficiency. If you floor an automatic, you accelerate considerably but ultimately, the car will automatically change gears resulting in lower RPMs, and less acceleration. For those of us that have a stick, we may be able to beat you off the line, but if we red line it too much, we’ll blow the engine and spend the rest of the day getting a hold of AAA and hanging out at Midas.

What's the relevance to the Laffer Curve? The automatic transmission integrates engine output with speed and controls the acceleration of a car to achieve the maximum amount of engine output and fuel efficiency, thus allowing us to get 30 mpg or so. Now most folks will tell you that a manual transmission will give you better fuel efficiency, but that is on the condition that you are competent enough to know how to handle your car’s acceleration better than a computer, something I know I can do.

So with this in mind, I have been very interested in understanding how one can integrate the cost/return aspects of their lives. Being an avid ultimate player, I love to play the game but I understand that winning is far from everything. While it is nice to be victorious, I am not willing to make the sacrifices that one must in order to win and compete at the highest level, not to mention the fact that I’m not the most athletic person out there. This might seem trivial but the key for me is to understand the situation and potentially attain the enlightenment I need to avoid frustration and feelings of failure.

These last few words are by far the most important aspect of this Laffer Curve discussion. “Avoiding frustration and feelings of failure”. Wow, wouldn’t that be nice to have all the time. Forget happiness, if I could just avoid being pissed off or feeling like I’m not worth anything, I’d be set. Happiness comes and goes with the cocktail of neurotransmitters that flow through the brain, but this sort of enlightenment has staying power.

Anyway, so the challenge becomes, finding the nipple. Pick a goal, or summit or whatever and figure out how hard you need to work to get to it, while not working too hard such that you’re hurting yourself in the process. This isn’t as easy as it sounds because I get the feeling many people would consider this to mean, get the most while putting in the least, but that statement is flawed because it can’t exist in a vacuum.

What do I mean by vacuum? Living one’s life under this previous statement is like wanting a million dollars. People don’t want a million dollars, they want a million dollars worth of spending power. A million dollars in a vacuum (ie under glass) is just a few pieces of paper. It has no inherent value on its own. Maybe having an important document or trophy or artifact under glass is worth something because there is meaning behind it, but a million dollars you can’t spend is worthless, as is wanting to get the most while putting in the least. The missing element is what you’re working towards. If it is an automobile, do you want the cheapest car out there? Probably not.

We all have a budget and an idea of what kind of car we would like to have. The trick is to integrate the two. If you are rich, odds are you wouldn’t settle for a pinto and if you’re not rich, a Ferrari is out of the question. With that in mind, if either party decided to select the car I have suggested, they’d probably face some sort of frustration or failure. A richer person would constantly be agitated with a car they could do better than and a poor person would either sacrifice everything they had to drive a Ferrari or have feelings of failure because such a commodity is out of reach.

So with all of this in mind, I’m of the opinion that a true adult should try very hard to consistently find their own nipple (don’t worry I know how goofy this statement is). But seriously, if one can look at their life in at least two dimensions (and hopefully more) they can potentially see how it is possible to combine work and reward, as well as know what is or is not more trouble than its worth.

I get the feeling that the bulk of the people that fail to do this are at one end of the curve or the other and are unhappy because of it. If for example someone is overweight and is considering a lifestyle change but never manages to establish a decent diet, it is pretty obvious that they want particular food items more than they want to be thin. Perhaps they say they want to be thin, but don’t put in the energy to achieve it. They are more towards the 0% end of the curve and are constantly looking up at a goal they want, but don’t want to do what is necessary to get it. This may seem trivial but the point is that these people need to integrate what they can do with what they can get and be content with their nipple. There is no reason why self-hatred should result from an overweight person, if they are enlightened to the point where they are secure with their nipple.

Conversely, there are a lot of other people out there that are more towards the 100% end of the curve. I’m at Yale so I know a fair amount of people that do the Investment Banking thing and I always cringe when I hear about their 100 hour work weeks, especially now that the economy is in shambles. They make ridiculous money but they never have the time to spend it and it seems like a ton of them sign off on their 20’s. Maybe it is what they want, but personally, I’d rather enjoy my youth. No one ever says on their death bed, “I wish I had worked more”. Money might mean a ton to a lot of people, but it isn’t everything and I’d rather have memories than commodities. But that’s just me.

I feel like these people have issues with over extending themselves and sacrifice too much for something they may or may not actually want. Maybe money is all the motivation they need but I've heard some horror stories and wonder if things like mid-life crisis and job induced depression are a potential down stream problem.

So at the end of the day, I think it is really important to find the happy medium. This seems painfully cliché but as one gets older, things tend to get tangled up with other things and prioritizing becomes really important. What makes this difficult is outward perception. Being committed enough to a goal to plan out things as I have discussed requires a lot of energy and passion and that is rarely ever met with open arms. People love to take shots at those that dare to take chances and despite the fact that outside perception never matters as much as one thinks, people still doubt themselves and fail to execute. With regard to this, one must be confident in their selection and realize that most of the time, the most important and meaningful moments cannot be shared or felt by more than a handful of people. My PhD, my worlds experience, these are things that only I can understand and appreciate but its absolutely worth it and that is how I have found my nipple. Can you do the same?

just my thoughts

match unleaded

I remember

2008-09-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Has it really been 7 years since 9/11? Such a cornerstone in American history and despite the fact that it was such a horrible incident, part of me is glad that I was alive for it. For my generation it is our Pearl Harbor or JFK assassination. It is something that will be remembered for centuries and it is somewhat weird that I am only 25, yet I am part of American history. When I have kids, they will ask me about 9/11 the same way I asked my father about the moon landing. Just like him, I will always remember exactly where I was and what I was thinking when it all went down. Sadly, my story concerning 9/11 is pretty lame because I slept through most of it. I was on the west coast, it was the tail end of summer, I had stayed up late and nobody cared to disturb me, oh well. My time to appreciate this event and learn from it came much later. So considering the historic and emotional nature of today (forgive me, I wanted to get this up Thursday but it didn't happen), I thought I would offer up some reflections and thoughts.

A few times on this blog I have talked about how I was a late bloomer and my experience with 9/11 definitely falls under this category. When I was at the tender age of 17 I really didn't care much for politics. I was a science nerd that liked to do HW and I was set to go to UCSD and begin the college thing. Politics didn't really interest me much, not because I thought they were boring, but just that they didn't really resonate with me. I didn't really understand the impact of something like this or something like a Presidential election (2000). At that age, I figured, Bush, Gore, same shit. My life won't be affected....I was wrong.

I suppose the impact of 9/11 didn't really influence me until almost 2 years later. I was working as a technician in a lab in La Jolla and I was going about my business one day in late July. I worked for this little lab since October of my freshman year and I had developed a nice little home there. My boss, Todd Braciak, had taught me everything I knew about lab techniques and I felt a certain closeness to the people around me. However, on this fateful day, my boss came into the lab and informed me that the grant he was hoping for didn't go through and that he was going to have to lay me off. Because the government had shifted their monetary focus, money that had been devoted to internal institutions like the NIH, had been taken away and given to things like the war effort in Afghanistan and Iraq. Now, I have my weird connections to people involved in 9/11, but my life wasn't really affected by it until this very moment. I didn't (and still don't) know much about warfare or politics but I understood the concept of "you've got till the end of the month".

This was a really painful day for me, not in the sense that I had lost my job, but because I had lost faith in my profession. I was but a lowly lab technician who could find another job (and I did) but I knew one day, I was going to be a PhD scientist and I was going to have to deal with things like NIH funding and the political sphere. I grew up really fast that day and I began to look at the world a bit differently. Ironically, that week I was at the grocery store and when I was checking out, the woman behind the counter asked me if I would like to donate a $1 to prostate cancer research. As luck would have it, I had been doing prostate cancer research and given the fact that I had just lost my job because money like this didn't make it to me, I declined.

So a year later I began to think about politics a little more because we were electing a new president. I didn't exactly know much about the whole process or what the major issues in government were, but I did know that I didn't want the war to continue. I know some people will talk about how we need a stable situation in the middle east and what not, but I need a job. I need money to be invested in my field and that matters a whole lot more to me than a conflict that is 6,000 miles away. So with that in mind, I casted my vote for a democrat that could perhaps get us out of the war in Iraq, a war that still has me scratching my head. However, as we all know, Kerry was not successful and we got another 4 years of GW.

But every cloud has a silver lining and here is what I have come up with. You have to suffer. Things have to suck for awhile because if they did not, then you would not be motivated to improve your situation. You would just be content with your life. After 4 more years of Bush, I not only realized how much it sucks to have a war driven republican in office, but I began to see other spheres of life that are affected by politics. I recently read an article about how executives from oil companies were engaging in intercourse with employees of foreign companies as favors for contracts. This was extremely repulsive as was the federal investment in Wal-Mart at the expense of small American business man articulated in the documentary, Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price. But they equate "passion" with "fire" for a reason, we need pain and suffering to motivate us.

I had a conversation with my father awhile back and he was telling me that he always voted republican because he was against "big government". I remember him talking about this when I was a kid and so I went along with it. However, what I have realized is that democrats don't want big government, they just want to use the money they get from taxes on their constituents, where as the republicans seem to have invested that money in places that do 1 of 2 things (and sometimes both), 1) War and 2) Big Business. 10 Billion dollars a month on a winless war and it sure sounds like a ton of spending which is funny considering that the Republican ticket seems to criticize Democrats for wanting to invest in people that are actually American. After watching both the Democratic National Convention and the Republican one, I have come to realize that democrats appeal to the mind and republicans appeal to the heart. In politics it is easier to appeal to the later because it doesn't involve any thinking, and this has me really scared. Never underestimate the power of lesser minds and I begin to wonder what will win out in November.

So why do I discuss this on September 11th? Not only is it important to remember the suffering and pain that we have gone through, but we must also have the wisdom to utilize it. The real problem associated with 9/11 was not the 3,000 people that died or even the fear that it instilled in all of us concerning terrorism. The real problem was that we lost faith in who we are as Americans. We were relegated to "watchers" as opposed to "doers". This entire nation was converted to a bunch of little kids under blankets watching CNN in fear. And whats worse is that our government kept that fear alive. By waging war after war, the current administration perpetuated an image of weakness and pain, rather than strength and perseverance. I would imagine that if the victims of 9/11 could see us today, they would be disgusted with what we've done the last 7 years. Fighting wars and "avenging deaths" is not exactly an intelligent strategy. Killing Sadaam or Bin Laden will not bring anyone back.

However, something that I believe strongly in and this is something Barack Obama said in his acceptance speech at the DNC, is that American is great because of the "power of our example not the example of our power". In the light of 9/11, rather than focus on our emotions and our pain, we should have focused on our strength and our ingenuity. Dumping money into a worthless war is nothing compared to the countless scientist and innovator's that were put out of jobs because of fund divergence. In my opinion, showing that we were undeterred and unfettered by such an act of violence would have been a better exercise of power. Progress in stem cell research, space exploration and global warming were all things that could have happened in the last 7 years, but they took a back seat to a war that few understood and many died for.

In my opinion, this nation is great because of what is between our ears, driven by what is in our chest. Our decision making relies on the educational system we have solidified as the best world wide, not the weapons we have wasted our money on. An enlightened nation we are not and considering the fact that we allow emotions to govern our decision making just makes things worse. The Republicans perpetuate war stories and suffering as if it carries some sort of value in the government sphere. Yes, McCain is a fantastic example of a man that served his country, but what does this say about his judgement? His vice presidential nomination is one that very few political analysts would have picked and the reason their opinion matters is because they make a living thinking about our country's government. Maybe he uses Alaska's governor to play on people's emotions, but emotions mean jack shit, sorry.

In the end, we need to remember why America is great, not simply that it is great. We need to use our heads, not our hearts when making our decisions. Our hearts are good to keep us motivated and to prevent us from quitting but when push comes to shove, a well thought out game plan is infinitely better than a decision made on a whim. The rest of the world despises us and rather than write off their opinion as irrelevant we should focus on implementing a political establishment that utilizes intelligence, not fears it. The educated minds in this world are seen as elitist by the right wing conservatives and this could not be further from the truth. What did you think was going to happen when you sent your kids to college? They were going to get an education and you can't simply stuff their opinion in a drawer when they come back with ideas you don't like. The republicans seem to be small minded thinkers that want our nation to be what it was in the '50s, but guess what, we aren't in the fucking '50s! In the 21st century, we need 21st century leadership and waging war is not the way to do it. The information age has made the whole world smarter and why fight it? Why question those that know or think more than you? What do you have to lose? What do you think the "scary" experts are going to do? They make a living thinking about ways to make our civilization better. They aren't sacrificing the American working class by subsidizing Wal-Mart. They aren't selling their souls for an outdated energy source. They aren't living in the past, but in the future. The progressive minds of America's past still live in the minds of those today, they simply have different strategies. Sorry, the world isn't about winning and losing wars nowadays.

Bottom line, the victims of 9/11 would have wanted America to remain strong, not fearful. Fighting hate with hate is not a strategy that works. Our government should exercise strength in judgment not force. In the wake of 9/11 we should have stressed the economic, social, and technoligical development of our country not our fear. However, fear tactics work, if you let them. Fear media sells, if you let it. Fear scares people into submission, if you let it. But intelligence overcomes. The most difficult problems in this world are overcome not out of love or fear or hate, but out of thought. We got to the moon because we used our heads, not our hearts. We will succeed as a nation only if we return to the decision making abilities of leaders long since gone. Our generation is better than what we have become and only when we use our heads will things change. We need a government that instills hope and optimism in our people not fear and hate.

Pick whoever you want this November, but please USE YOUR HEAD, NOT YOUR HEART when you cast that ballot.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Sci-Fi, The Final Creative Frontier

2008-08-31T14:31:00.001-07:00

The other day I Netflixed Wrath of Kahn because my roommate is a big Star Trek fan and I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and check out some Billy Shatner and Leo Nimoy. This wasn't the first Star Trek movie I had seen. When I was 13 I had the impulse to see First Contact in theaters, despite the fact that I wasn't a big Sci-Fi fan. I enjoyed the next generation flick at the time and after seeing the old crew do their thing, I was again reminded that I actually like this sort of stuff.

Star Trek? NERD!

Yeah, that is what I thought of Star Trek growing up. I figured it was all these dorks watching humans and aliens run all over the Cosmos in unrealistically futuristic situations. I don't know what compelled me to see First Contact and despite being a big Star Wars fan, I really didn't get into Star Trek. Plus, the depth of the series, ie The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Voyager, all that jazz was really intimidating to get into, so I didn't. My family was also really into sports over things like Sci-Fi so I really wasn't in an environment that encouraged this kind of selection.

However, now that I am a few years older and can appreciate things for their inherent worth outside other people's influence, I have begun to change my perspective quite a bit. I suppose it doesn't help the nerd cause when they are stereotyped as guys that never get laid or see the light of day, but as I grew up I realized that I had some social skills as well as a sizable dorky appetite. In moving across the country, you really get the chance to see how other people see and do things and now I live with a guy that knows a lot about Star Treak (as well as being a decent socialite) so I figured, hey what the hell, I'll check it out.

Creativity at its Best

After watching a few movies now, I've come to realize the power that Sci-Fi has to offer. It may seem a little over the top but the bottom line is not how sophisticated the special effects can be or even how benign a writer can make a race of people. The best thing about science fiction is that it expands the realm of human experimentation.

Lets take a look at your average comedy or romance or even crime thriller. Are they all THAT different from each other? Ocean's 11, the Italian Job, Will and Grace, Dharma and Greg, Friends, Two and a Half Men, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, the list goes on. These are all great shows with great writers, but they only lasted 10 or so years (at most) and not every age group can enjoy them. I believe the issue associated with this is the limitation of human interaction. There are only so many things humans can do on this earth and only some of them can be articulated well on screen. Maybe you can change locations or set up a really unique backdrop, but in the end, continually reinventing yourself gets to be difficult. It seems like every year another series of action movies and romantic comedies comes out and they are rarely ever different than the dozens that came before it. Hell, most of the time we see sequels or remakes like Die Hard 4 or Night Rider.

What is amazing about Sci-Fi, however, is the realm of experimentation. Shows like Star Trek were brilliant and successful because in having a show take place in space and in the future, a writer has complete freedom. What do I mean by freedom? Lets say you wanted to experiment with culture clashes. If you take a look at our world, you could pick Western vs Eastern cultures, or may the Middle East vs the US, Gays vs Heterosexuals, Men vs Women etc.. These are fine examples but they also carry a lot of baggage with them, such as historical accuracy, public appeal, political implications, etc.. With so much red tape it becomes incredibly difficult to really utilize genuine creativity. Writers have to spend so much time adhering to established norms and criteria that breaking ground is almost impossible. However, Sci-Fi has the advantage of shedding contemporary standards and allowing a writer to have complete freedom. In Star Trek, the future is utilized because it allows a writer to experiment with human/social evolution and having the series occur in space allows for tampering with physics for greater creative control.

There was a great episode I caught the other day called Parallels. This is the one where Worf is traveling back from a competition and he manages to accidentally slip into this weird vortex of quantum realities. This is a tough complex to rationalize, but the point is that every instant, we as a collection of atoms make decisions. Look left, walk right, stand up, sit down, etc... In quantum theory, all of these choices occur in separate realities and each plays out. Worf manages to create an opening into this vortex and realities begin to merge.

Now I don't expect anyone to completely buy or even understand this premise, but the point is that a writer creates an environment that is outside our current understanding as a human race to develop a scenario, the Sarah Connor Scenario, ie You're all mistaken, I'm the one that gets it and you all need to understand. This is an incredibly difficult situation to grasp and it would be easy to understand how it could drive a person insane. However, the writers for Star Trek attempt to logically rationalize and experiment with this sort of information in attempt to sort through the chaos. How does a crazy person convince everyone that he/she isn't crazy, but that he/she is sane and everyone else insane? This is more or less the topic discussed and the writing is very beautiful in that sense. Maybe you agree with it, maybe you don't, but at the very least the audience gets the mental exercise.

A more subtle topic in this episode is the love affair between Worf and Deanna. Much like a black person involved with a white one, this cross species interaction is controversial but highlights a topic that has been toiled over for centuries. In the series, Worf has no interest in Deanna, but as a catalyst to the situation, one of the realities he stumbles upon is one where he and Deanna are married. What a novel concept? Just cut out the middle step. Assume that you are already together, what then? If this story were constructed in contemporary society, it would impossible to make this leap, but with Sci-Fi it is possible. At this point Worf interacts with a Deanna that is in love with him and despite his lack of interest, he has to appreciate the situation.

To really thicken the plot (beyond this episode) after he is transported back to his original reality, he has the knowledge of his previous experience (the one where Deanna loves him) and he now sees Deanna in a new light. He has to live with the knowledge that in another world, he and she are married and this may or may not compel him to establish that reality in his existing one. This sort of social interplay would be impossible, or at least extremely difficult to articulate, in main stream literature and that is why Sci-Fi is so ingenious.

Mental Exercise

The best thing about Sci-Fi is the mental exercise. "Lets say that....". Most people would say, "that would never happen" and be done thinking but the mental exercise is amazing. Lets say everyone spoke the same language or lets say our government concurred the world or lets say we could colonize mars, what then? Sci-Fi allows us to set up the conditions and allow our minds to fill in the details. "I dunno, what do you think?". Use logic, use reason, use whatever you want. What would happen if this or that happened? Can you imagine a world different than our own? What would survive a thousand years of social evolution? What would humans cherish? What would we be indifferent towards? It doesn't matter what the answer is, just that there is an answer, some sort of logical conclusion established from data and assumptions that are accepted by the pertinent parties.

However, a term like mental exercise excites few, mainly the nerds, and that is why Sci-Fi appeals to us. Most people are not interested in expanding their mental understanding. A lot of people are content with their surroundings and the idea of thinking outside the box is more than they can handle. What's important is that exercising your mind is how you develop your intelligence. People aren't born smart, they need to develop their brain just like you would your legs or your arms. You need to experiment with problems in order to solve future ones. Why do you think video games spawn smart kids? It has little or nothing to do with hand eye coordination but rather critical thinking and logic. Approach a situation, attempt to over come it. Oh wait, you died? Oh well, try again and again and again until you get it right. Thinking critically is the constant and when you find yourself in a real world situation maybe you way your options carefully, maybe you don't. Maybe you use judgement, maybe you use impulse.

In any event, I think Sci-Fi offers the experimental freedom that political science, psychology, and sociology cannot. Even the most basic of sciences, such as chemistry, biology and physics, have their limitations that can be overcome with Sci-Fi. When analyzing humans, it gets difficult to experiment because the time line is too long and people matter too much. We cannot develop a race of people to play with but we can create a theoretical situation and if it makes logical sense, perhaps we can learn from it. As it stands now, people are against abortion, cloning, gay marriage, etc... because of accepted human behavior. This limits what we can and will be in the future and Sci-Fi has the ability to develop scenarios that play with those social assumptions. It then becomes a matter of what is believable or rationale rather than what is right or wrong. There is a reason why logic is all over the place in Sci-Fi, it is the only thing that can transcend our contemporary ideology. If everything I say is true (or accepted by the audience) than a conclusion that I arrive at logically, must be correct.

Closing Thoughts

Anyway, I suppose the point of all of this is not that Sci-Fi is cool, but that it is intelligent. Perhaps people think that intelligent people like Sci-Fi, but the "why" isn't sufficiently discussed. Why would someone smart like Sci-Fi? It isn't because nerds like aliens and outer space but because it gives them mental freedom. They are not bound by laws, norms and trends. They can manifest whatever reality they want in their head and best case scenario offer a comparison to contemporary society with some mental experimentation. It is a visual articulation of thinking "outside the box". I love it.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

The Choices We Make...

2008-08-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

...make us who we are. Such a cliche, I know, but I'm 25 and I'm starting to learn the value of all those old proverbs my mom taught me. For anyone that doesn't know me particularly well, my mother has been the most influential person in my life and I attribute much of my adult success to her.

Anyway, choices...such an interesting experience, the human experience is. See we human beings became self aware, hell, who knows how long ago. But in doing so, we really developed some complex biological, psychological, and social capabilities. Think about it, being self aware not only means that you know you exist but also that you are distinct from every thing else around you. This is easily one of the most important things in our evolution and one of the fruits of the Darwin Tree is the ability to communicate, and not just communicate but expand the limits of organism to organism contact.

So whats the problem? Well, in communicating at a simple level, the most basic thing seems to be assigning roles. Whether it is fighting it out, or some sort of language I don't understand, most mammals communicate to figure out things like hunting patterns, mating patterns, migration, child rearing, etc... Anyway, the reason why this is important is that the concept of lying does not exist, better yet, not doing what you say your going to do, does not exist. It just doesn't make sense. An animal that didn't do its job would be selected against, either by nature or the pack. The best example I can think of is a subpar male showing off for a female. He comes off as the best, he is wheeling and dealing but then a bigger bad ass come through and lets him have it. The bogus nature of male #1 is quickly exposed and nature selects him for expulsion. Sorry Charlie, you just aren't what you came off as.

However, human males can say a variety of things to attract a mate, hell they might even lie. Maybe they don't flat out lie but they can at least embelish or make claims that they don't make good on. This works for a variety of reasons, one being, people want to believe things naturally. We want happy endings and want to believe in all things good because we are emotional and the emotion tied to good is happy and happy is the emotion humans treasure the most.

Where this becomes a problem is that since the dawn of modern human language the concept of "Talk is Cheap" becomes apparent. What does that mean? Saying your going to do something means nothing. Doing something is doing something. Making bold statements or over the top claims is only successful when you make good on those things. With this in mind, I have been somewhat successful as an adult by making good on my claims. I feel like people rarely understand how important this is, mostly because a lot of people don't it. They make idle new years resolutions or promises. That isn't to say that they are quitters, but be realistic. If you cannot do something or will not do something, don't say you are going to. I can't tell you how many brilliant people here at Yale have ideas about the future or their life or what they are going to do and they rarely have the focus to see anyone of them through to completion.

Why would this be the case? Well for most people, a student's life is more or less memorization and regertitation. You go to school, you learn something, you spit it out. Maybe you even remember it. However, once you become an adult it does not matter what you can say or even write. The real world does not care about your drive, your ambition, or your goals. The world cares about the finished product. The world wants something in the "out box".

What's the point? I think people underestimate the damage that bold claims can have. If you constantly go out there saying you are going to do something or that you want to do something, and rarely ever get there, you begin to chip away at your ambition. You spread yourself so thin and in reality are constantly falling short. Perhaps you got close and missed, but if you didn't even try, two major things happen. 1) You have no idea what you are capable of and 2) no one takes you seriously, no one believes you.

When I started out at Yale I thought getting a PhD meant that I would know everything about science. I would know the ins and outs of every single biological function for at least mammalian cells. However, I could not have been more wrong. Getting a PhD is not about what you learn, but about what you produce. The goal is basic, figure out a project and advance the field. No pressure. Yeah right.

If and when you make it out of Grad School, the interviewers don't care what you did, just that you took a single topic and focused on it for 4 or so years and changed the way people think about the world. For an engineer it might be to build a building, or a painter to paint something, either way, a PhD simply means that you reached a very specific goal and that determination and focus are what people want in an employee. In getting a PhD, you tell the world, "yes I will make good on what I say I will. I spent 1/5 of my life and focused on one solitary mission and I achieved it".

Now this doesn't mean everyone should go out there and get PhDs, but the point is this, make good on what you say you're going to do. It could be taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. It could be getting an A in geometry or losing 30lbs. Set a goal for yourself, and get there. Don't go over the top, just set a goal you can reach. Then maybe another. Then another. In the end you might not end up where you thought you would but you'll be somewhere good and you will have earned it.

Anyway, as I have gotten older and seen more of this world, I've come to learn that there are lots of kinds of people. One could be the "tall tale tellers" and another could be the "move and shakers". Nothing against telling stories, their great, but be the later. Be the guy or gal that sees it through to completion. Make good on your claims, talk is cheap. A person can say anything, an adult will say something and not only mean it but do it.

So the title of this post is "the choices we make" and that is what the bottom line is. Talking requires no energy or effort, its just exercising a few muscles in your neck and breathing out. However, if you chose to go to school over sleeping or you chose to stay loyal to a significant other or you cheat, your choices are who you are. I am here at Yale because I had a mission to get my PhD at a bad ass institution and I made the choices to get here. Many of them were difficult and it sucked at times, but I set a goal for myself and I wanted to complete it. I didn't want to be another person that just "talked" about doing something, I was going to do it.

This lesson is so valuable because it can help anyone. I was watching sports center the other night and one of the anchors said a very powerful thing in passing, "everyone is treated fairly, not everyone is treated equally". You get what you earn. If you put yourself out there and make intelligent choices, you will get the respect and accolades you seek. Maybe its a rich white kid choosing to do his homework, maybe its an inner city kid choosing not to do drugs, either way, both made good choices. Yes, whites have it better than minorities, but your judgement, your decision making ability is the same across the board. If you weigh your options and choose wisely, you will come out successful at the other end.

I've had friends and significant others that represent the spectrum of human personalities and sadly, many of them fall in the category I am currently criticizing. It does not matter what they say or how they say it, it matters what they do and a lot of them do not make good on their claims. Many people have supported me in my academic research as well as my ultimate journalism and some have even asked how I did it. To those and anyone out there listening, I do what I say I'm going to do. I make choices and I never make a promise I can't keep. This isn't to say I went out and I changed the world. All I did was follow through on my statements and if you want to be a successful adult, that is the life you want to lead. The choices you make, make you who you are and if you want to be something, you have to chose to do something and then go out and do it.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

The Wrong Side of Ultimate Media

2008-07-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

So I had an opinion about ultimate but I don't want to post on my main blog because I'm afraid it will get too much exposure and I'll piss someone off. Anyway, here I get more or less the same crowd, but a on bit smaller scale so I thought I'd drop it here.

Ultimate Media

To get everyone acclimated, this is what I think about when I write. I put together an article about what I believe to be a relevant topic in ultimate. Right now its Worlds and the Club Season. I've got an article about Australia up right now on the blog and 5 on mssui. I've got ones on Boston and GOAT written but I'm waiting for the editor to edit/publish them.

Anyway, so after I publish, I sort of sit back and watch what happens. The shitty thing about posting on mssui is that I get no feedback. I made a 3rd blog (wow, 3!?!) called mssuicomments where folks can talk about mssui articles but no one seems to care. I suppose now my media has become informative over opinionated so I get the feeling people just read it and go "ok". However, I do like things like bananacut but it doesn't really give me much of an indication on what folks think of what I write. I have no real idea how the site works, just that the higher the number on the side of the article, the more folks like it, I suppose. But I wonder if people that read my stuff even know about bananacut. Then again, I used to get a lot of love on bananacut but not so much anymore. Ah, whatever fuck'em.

And this is where my current topic begins.

The Wrong Side of Ultimate Media

Anyway, so there are a few kinds of Ultimate articles. Stuff like this, which is nice and cute but I think it's a waste of time and then my stuff. I write about whats going on with teams and maybe a fun topic here or there, but other folks write about the growth of ultimate or ultimate getting exposure by Sports Illustrated or something. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with this and I understand why folks do it, but I think it's just stupid. (Starting to see why this is here and not on Diesel?)

Here's my beef. When people talk about basketball or football or even golf, they never talk about playing it. Same with less main stream sports like X-games stuff. Tony Hawk isn't getting on the mike and saying "Yeah we love this stuff, all kids should get skateboards, it'll change your life". He is just doing his thing and getting some awards/endorsements in the process. The reason why he can get away with this is because most people that watch baseball or football or whatever don't want to be the sports star, they just want to watch. Yes, every 8 year old wants to be Albert Pujols, but for the bulk of the adult fan base, most grown men are just like, "what'd he do today?" and that is what I want for Ultimate.

Now I suppose some folks could say, "we'll we want the sport to grow and we are trying to get exposure for it". What I think people don't understand is the delivery of Ultimate. How many times has someone been extremely enthusiastic about something and tried to get you to do it. Maybe if you're 8 or 10 you'll pickup Skateboarding, maybe if you're 15 or 18 you'll try Snowboarding, maybe at 20 or 22 you'll pickup surfing, but after awhile our ability to integrate into something new diminishes. Making new friends, changing ones lifestyle, all that stuff gets really hard once you get a bit older, simply because you are "set in your ways" and to make matters worse, what is scarier than someone who is over enthusiastic about something that you could care less about? How quickly would you have someone's interest in horse riding or fencing or capoeira go in one ear and out the other? Lighting fast, right?

But why are these sports more successful than ultimate? Why do they bring in 10X more people than ultimate? Because the interest to watch is there, the fanhood is there. Why do you think Baseball is America's sport? Because little kids want to be superstars, construction workers and plummers follow their favorite club, there are fans.

So I suppose the main issue with this human interest pieces is that they don't spark sustained interest in the sport. People that are not into the sport appreciate that there are people out there that enjoy a different game, but aside from that, there really is no further action. It becomes a simple news story, like "local boy saves elderly woman in fire" or "local high school sets recycle record". Yes, its cute and nice, but in a week, no one cares.

A Better Direction for Ultimate

What I find depressing about ultimate is that the people that play it don't even know whats going on in the sport. They themselves are not even fans. I would venture a guess that maybe 1 in 5 ultimate players are avid fans, ie they read up on teams, they know tournament schedules, basically, they have an interest in the sport outside their own team. This is crucial because it gives our sport credibility. Take IM flag football for example. Wouldn't you venture a guess that most people that play football for fun would have some idea of what is going on with it at the highest level? Or perhaps at least more would know than don't know. Could you say this about ultimate? How many players in summer league, college programs, or even club programs know/care about Sockeye or Bravo? Or even have an opinion? This is not good. If our sport was so bad ass and people should pick it up, why aren't players actually fans of it?

This isn't to say that ultimate players are at fault because, honestly, it isn't easy to become a fan. I have been following ultimate for about 5-6 years and there are still things I don't know because a lot of the information is cryptic or not published. This is why I started a blog and why I support things like mssui so much. I think the huddle is nice and I respect the interest in it, but I just don't really care about ultimate technique that much. To me, the writers are slightly above rule junkies. Yes, I think what you're doing is good, but I just don't care. No matter how much I read, I will always be limited by my athleticism and my geography. If I hit the track a ton and move to an ultimate hub, I might be able to make Sarasota but reading every article on the huddle isn't really going to improve my game all that much. But thats just my opinion. it isn't right or wrong, just mine. Feel free to read it all you want.

However, the bottom line is that I think the expansion of our sport through "spreading awareness" and exposing new comers to it via things like CSTV is really a waste of time. People that have never seen the sport are not going to pick it up simply by seeing it on TV. Most people cannot judge something with such a brief interaction and more importantly, people are resistant to change. The only way people will get involved with something new is if they think they'll like it and what better way than to see people enjoy it themselves.

If players developed the fan core that so many other sports have, wouldn't it be a much more appealing venture to new comers? I feel like if ultimate wants the size and reach of things like Lacrosse, we as a community need to support our "heroes" more. As it stands now, I get so much shit for liking this team or that and it makes me sad because you'd never hear of someone getting shit for wearing a Celtics jersey, unless you're a Laker fan. Ultimate should be no different.

As it stands now, I think ultimate is like a pyramid scam. You have a bunch of powerful people at the top spreading the game but as they spread it, only the bottom gets bigger. The number of elite few that are earning championships doesn't change but the community expands. In my opinion, it would be better if the sport were more like a sphere. You have a dense core of elite competition but it is surrounded by different groups and organizations that contribute different things. You can have media, fans, vendors, merchandise, etc.. All things that add the sport but are not player based. More or less, it wold be nice if someone cared more about the current players/community as opposed to just constantly focusing in on new people. It reminds me of UCSD. When I was there, once you paid your tuition, they couldn't care less about you. However, they invested millions in getting new students, and once they got there, bam, you're old news.

So here are two ideas that I have regarding this topic. 1) Drop CSTV. Talk about a waste of time. Every tournament from Centex to TiV to Club Nationals is covered by Rob on Ultivillage and so many people enjoy it. However, College Nationals is not. The UPA went with CSTV in order to give their competitors the "best experience possible" but in all honesty, it didn't change the tournament at all. If you make Nationals you are already stoked and adding this or that amenity is really tangential to the whole experience. It would be like buying a baby an iPhone. A baby is just a baby. It is just happy to be there and do its thing. It's not like you have to improve its life. However, if you give that iPhone to the parent, maybe they can take pictures of their kid and send them to friends and family. Likewise, CSTV is really for the fans if anyone. Most players at Nationals don't think about ultimate outside the lines and they shouldn't. They should focus on their game and thats it. However, if you are going to film the sport, you might as well package it in a way that the fans appreciate. It is theoretically sound to give ultimate the CSTV exposure, but as it stands now, you aren't targeting the right audience. It's like building a brand new pool for a high school, when they really need a new football field. Yes, theoretically, people enjoy swimming and you might get a rise in water sport participation, but if everyone wants something else, why not give it to them? Ultivillage is the wave of the future and the truth is that it packages a better product than CSTV ever could. The fans want ultivillage and the UPA is not practicing good judgement by staying with CSTV. In my opinion, broadcasting the sport is about giving the people at home the best experience possible and CSTV does anything but.

And here is idea #2. Why doesn't the UPA subsidize 5 Ultimate by offering financial breaks to teams that buy 5 Ultimate jerseys? 5 Ultimate is all over the UPA site and rather than have companies like Under Armor and Patagonia gobble up all the money in the sport, why not offer contracts to 5 Ultimate? Here is what the UPA should do. Tell teams that if they buy 5 Ultimate uniforms, they can have their UPA dues reduced/comped. 5 Ultimate offers the UPA part of the deal and instead of having money go the UPA and Patagonia, you have a closer circle with money going to 5 Ultimate and the UPA. You build an ultimate conscience company and cover your expenditures at the same time. Whats better is that if you go with something like this, it makes it easier for these companies to make excess jerseys to sell to supporters. 5 Ultimate can request that teams buy more apparel and those teams can sell them as a fund raiser, not unlike what Wisconsin and Chain Lightning have done.

With this sort of infrastructure, you could have a 5 Ultimate website that could sell jerseys and shorts to teams as well as fans and grow in a way that no ultimate based company has been able to do. As it stands now, the biggest issue for companies like VC and GAIA is that teams drop them for Patagonia or basically shuffle around and loyalty is out the door. However, if the UPA pulled an NFL move and backed a single company like 5 Ultimate, who they already support, they could give teams an incentive to stick with them. You still have to fill out forms for UPA IDs but the membership gets paid for along with your uniforms, good idea right?

Closing Thoughts

In any event, I just wish ultimate were a bit more consistent. Things like refs and fans give the sport a legitimate shot at growing. Expanding it at just the player level is nice, but its like educating college students. Yes, giving a kid an education from UCSD or Texas or whatever is good, but how often does it reflect well on the school itself. However, if you have a football team or just have pride associated with the school, people will show much more support and you increase your reach.

The UPA talks about expanding the sport, but I think it is going about it the wrong way. Why bring in new kid after new kid that is trying to learn a flick when a majority of your sporting population doesn't even care about the sport at the highest level? Why not spend more energy investing in fans and promoting the current players/teams, rather than trying to bring in new ones. As it stands now, people have taken the time and energy to invest themselves in the sport with companies like 5 Ultimate and ultiviallge, why not reward it? Why not license the sport out to them so that they can build the sport and themselves in the process. Patagonia, CSTV, these companies don't need ultimate and they aren't helping ultimate. They are like Wallmarts, gobbling up resources and giving little back.

I am a scientist meaning I am objective and I try and persue truth where possible. Established trends and loyalties are only good if they work and right now, I think that there are better ways of doing things. If CSTV was really doing its job, why has Rob done so well? If you are going to support 5 Ultimate, why not do it with some gusto? Yes these ideas are radical, but anyone with a mind for improvement knows that if you look at something that is what you want, the best way to get it, is to follow in its footsteps. If you want a sport to be played across high schools across the country and you want ultimate to be watched by people old and young, you have to take the necessary steps. The NFL, MLB, NBA, etc... are all perfect examples and taking what they have in common and applying them to ultimate is not a sin. It is a good business strategy and if the powers that be really want the sport to grow, this is the way to go.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

PS I think this belongs on MD but I will get someone from the UPA up my ass for talking bad about them. I hate having to always fight for my opinions, but I suppose thats the burden. Anyway, I've got a poll up. Should or should I not post this on MD?

Culture Clashes

2008-07-08T13:09:00.001-07:00

Will they ever end? I recently was reading an article on CNN.com about a father who killed his daughter because she refused to participate in an arranged marriage. This is an incredibly sad and horrible situation and I don't need to discuss how terrible this is. However, one point the article makes is the challenge that immigrants and immigrant offspring face when coming to America.

I suppose my first big experience with culture differences came when I went to Japan. In the United States, Asian males have it pretty tough. I have been around my fair share and it is pretty obvious that Asian males like their Eastern Culture, their video games, they are relatively introverted, and have a tough time competing with white/hispanic/black males for female attention. Asian females don't really have the same problems because if they are willing (and attractive I suppose) they can be swept up in Western Culture because they carry an exotic label.

But getting back to Asian males. When I went to Japan, I couldn't help but observe the culture and I realized, "Hey, Asian males could breed here". The entire country is very repressed, technology oriented, and methodical. There isn't a lot of individual expression and societal pressure and conformity are well established. For males this is good because it puts pressure on women to conform to them. However, in western culture, people are very liberated and free. Men and women are equals and men have to do more to attract females. In America, very few asian males secure mates outside their own race and I think it's because they are like a "fish outta water". If they are extremely extroverted and outgoing, maybe they have a chance but for the most part they are not and they get passed up by white/hispanic/black women and asian women looking for a louder more taboo alternative pass them up as well.

So the reason why I point this out, in addition to the "honor killing", I wonder if cultures will ever be able to coexist. America is a giant melting pot but after living in a variety of places, it seems like ethnicities cling to one another. In California, Asian communities will segregate themselves from the surrounding white/hispanic neighborhoods in order to keep their children "pure". I once dated a girl from Temple City and her family was extremely traditional and despite the fact that some had lived in the US for over 30 years, they still could not speak English.

At the time, I thought that perhaps Asians, and all immigrants including Hispanics, and middle easterners were like this, but white people were not. However, after moving to New England, I can say that white culture is anything but homogeneous. Here in Connecticut, there are so many sects of white people, especially Italians and Jews. These groups, despite appearing white, stress "purity" in their ranks, even hundreds of years after their families immigrated. I mean you have websites like JDate for the jewish community and after having lived with an Italian, they REALLY like to breed with one another. Italians are very conservative and traditional and they like to keep things "pure".

The same goes with new immigrants. I work with a woman from Russia and despite the fact that her son has spent most of his life growing up in the US, she still wants him to wed a Russian. I have also come across asians and middle easterners and they stress the same ideals.

So in the end, I suppose the big question is, what will prevail? A general melting pot? Or will these ethnic divides persist? I think it is funny that despite all our intelligence and advancement, we as Americans still resemble the Prison mentality of sticking with your own kind. Neighborhoods tend to be very homogeneous and I think it is funny when people advocate things like diversity.

Diversity is a funny concept. Universities like Yale and Stanford stress diversity but it appears to be only skin deep which seems to perpetuate bigotry instead of alleviating it. There is some diversity at Yale but it is usually just skin color and socioeconomic diversity (which seems to be the kicker) is non-existent. To make matters worse, this is the diversity we should be aiming for but it is relatively impossible. This is covered in another article I read by a Yale English Professor.

I think the biggest problem is that mankind is still relatively immature. We want certain things to be a certain way and we fight tooth and nail against things like human nature and reality. Diversity is forced with things like affirmative action and race based admissions and in reality, it only hurts us all. Its like if I was trying to form a softball team with all of my friends and we had the goal of winning. Now, in doing this I have to decide between one of two things, 1) Do I want to win? or 2) Do I want to play with certain personal? In reality I am really lucky if I can get both but I probably can't. I can push the people I want to the plate and hope they succeed but in reality, if they aren't ball players, I am probably going to lose at some point. In the end, I will either have to go get other players or settle for not winning.

The parallel could be drawn to things like jobs and universities. Do you want the best employees or do you want certain personal, because you cannot have both. I don't mean to digress into affirmative action issues, but I think diversity and culture mixing are incredibly paradoxical. Yes, in a Disney world we would all get along, but in reality, it just doesn't work that way, sorry. The US gets a bad wrap for having a racial problem, but how many other countries are dealing with the same sorts of cultural issues. It would be like mocking our efforts at colonizing Mars, I don't see anyone outside the US trying.

What makes this all so frustrating is that we as human beings think we matter so much. We want everyone to be equal and everything to be hunky dory, and to be honest, life doesn't work that way. We evolved from little rats because we fought each other for dominance. Survival of the fittest is the paradigm and while it has changed a little bit from your exterior to your mental capacity, the general themes still prevail. Just because we want a certain race to improve or be what we want them to be, doesn't mean they can or will. You can give every ethnicity opportunities that are usually given to white people and it is not surprising that they don't follow through on it. Hell, they aren't programmed for it. Ethnicities cling to one another and the more diverse things get, the more people will cling to their roots. Forcing mixing is like forcing two pandas to mate. It might make perfect sense to the zoologist but he/she isn't a panda. They cannot understand the mindset and therefore their input is relatively inconsequential.

What I also find funny along these lines are things like "Save the (enter endangered environment/species here)". Why are we so concerned with saving Whales or Pandas or Polar Bears or whatever? If an organism does not have what it takes to survive in modern society, then they should be weeded out, sorry. That is how the world works. Dinosaurs died off and mammals took their place. The little rats didn't attempt to save them because they were more concerned with themselves.

We as humans think we have so much control over out planet and our universe. We think it is on us to save the rain forests or save this or that when in reality, we need to just be humans. If there is some inherent value in saving the Andian Condor or some other endangered animal please tell me. I think that the endangered society or whatever has their own future invested in saving animals and they play on human emotion to fund their cause. Yes it is noble and honorable and all that crap, but does it serve a purpose? If you were to look at things in decade or even century chunks, is there a role for Pandas on Planet Earth? I can imagine Nature freaks talking about preserving our surroundings, but why?

In reading this, people might label me as a bigot, racist, hell maybe even a facist, but I'm just searching for truth, what all scientists search for. In science, especially biology, we try and come up with a model, a rationale for what the cell is doing and we try and experiment to see if we are right. Sometimes we are and sometimes we aren't. However, if we are wrong, we have to change our model and think more critically. It would be nice if the cell behaved the way we want it to, but it doesn't. The eukaryotic cell has had billions of years of evolution to figure itself out and no grad student is going to dictate how it behaves. The same goes with people. Just because we want blacks and whites and asians to all get along doesn't mean it will happen. Our model society is a utopian melting pot, but in reality, that just isn't going to work. In the information age, we have learned a great deal about eachother but we must accept the fact that all this information might result in a conclusion we don't want. However, we cannot ignore or change it. What we can do however is accept it and move on.

A great line in Bulworth is "we all gotta keep fucking till we'll all the same color". A very insightful line, but in reality, ethnicities don't want it. They want identity, they want their own "pure" unblemished, traditional culture to survive. So why fight it? Why try and convince each other that we can all get along when we obviously cannot?

So the conclusion? Am I racists who wants the whites to rule and the minorities to suffer? No, I'm a scientist, all I want is truth. What is the truth about the world? Not what we want it to be, not what it was, not what it could be, what it is. Yes, happy racial mixing would be nice, yes universal cultural acceptance would be nice, yes equal opportunity in the purest sense would be nice, but is it the case? Rather than spend a ton of energy trying to create a world we want, why not figure out exactly what kind of world we live in.

The end result? Truth. When you understand the truth you get this great thing called judgement. If you understand the world around you, you get decide not what is the right answers but what is the best answer. Teaching judgement is something we should do, not "how to succeed in a white world". We strive to up test scores and increase college admissions but is that what success really is? If you look at things biologically, minorities are actually succeeding in the sense that they breed more, that is after all why we are here. White folks trying to make a ton of money or achieve greatness don't breed like disadvantaged minorities and in the end, whatever breeds, wins.

So you want happiness? You want success and pride and honor in your life? Judgement. Learn how to look at your surroundings and chose the best solution. An immigrant that comes to America needs to understand that their culture cannot be exactly the same as it was in their native land. If it was, all the baggage associated with it would come along with you and then you wouldn't be in America, the land of opportunity. If you can understand the truth then perhaps you can take the good with the bad. You can see where you can bend the paradigms and perhaps fit in. Maybe it isn't exactly what you want, but rather than stuff people in the "right" mold, why not offer them the truth and allow them to make the decisions on their own. That is after all what being human is all about. If someone wants to do drugs and ruin their life, we cannot stop them. All we can do is articulate reality the best way possible and let them decide for themselves. Forcing a person down one road or another will disenfranchise them because they are in essence giving up what god/the universe gave them, free will. Besides, doesn't feel better to earn something you want then something that someone tells you, you want? Decide for yourselves folks, learn the truth about your reality and decide for yourselves.

Judgement folks, the wave of the future.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Life is Meaningless, just try and get....

2008-06-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

...whatever it is you want. For me it's science, ultimate, and asians, but hey, thats just me.

I recently was watching this thing on 60 minutes about genotyping and companies that may or may not be giving people a legitimate idea of what their genetic makeup is and what similarity they share with people throughout the world.

What I found interesting about it, was the fact that the people involved had such a sense of euphoria (for lack of a better word) in realizing that there was someone out there that they shared a genetic identity with. They seemed so surprised like god had touched them with his finger of creation and gave them some gift of enlightenment. However, as a scientist, I am already convinced that we all share genetic material from people around the world, mainly because we all came from more or less the same crop of organisms.

I know that this will go against a lot of religious beliefs and truth be told, i think if people get some kind of meaning from this information, than good for them. However, in my opinion, the identity of this planet and everything on it, is purely a matter of chance. The universe and the amount of time that is involved in its creation/development is so far beyond the scope of human beings. With that being said, we cannot understand that in this universe the probability of random arrangement of molecules forming our planet and its constituents is just as likely as a black hole, a brilliant super nova, or, in most cases, empty space. The fact that this planet is even here is more or less like being struck by lightning or winning the lottery. It's a 1 in a million gagillion shot.

The reason why I think people have issues understanding this is because they are so focused on the top half of the fraction, as opposed to the bottom. We think we are the 1, we are the most valuable, precious material on this earth or in this universe. However, we don't realize that we are actually just 1 in a sea of unimportant numbers. The water particles on some comet orbiting another galaxy are made up of the same initial startup components as we are and there is as much meaning in them as there is in us.

We are just the lucky lottery winners. There is no rhyme or reason to our existence, no purpose. Just like any person that gets struck by lightning or finds a hundred dollar bill on the street, we were just lucky.

Where things really matter is what we do with our time here. If a person wins the lottery, would they spend all their money trying to understand how they won in the first place? Would they attempt to find meaning in their winnings? I would hope not, simply because it would be a waste of time and energy. In my opinion, the best course of action would be to enjoy the money while it lasts.

The transition to life is fairly simple when you look at things in this manner. We as human beings (rich or poor, tall or short, fat or skinny) are in the 0.00000001% field, much like lottery winners, and should be happy that we are even here at all. The other 99.999999% of the carbon, oxygen and hydrogen atoms in the universe failed to manifest in a manner that precipitated life, ie they were the many that lost out.

I suppose there are people that need meaning, that need to think that there is some underlying purpose to why we are here. However, after a decade of higher education, I have found that the true purpose of life is the same for humans as it is for any other organism on the planet. Breed, do what you can to not get eaten, and try and fill the hours with stuff that is entertaining.

I think people tend to take themselves too seriously and we as people definitely do this as a whole. We are self-aware so we think we have some inherent purpose on this earth, but in all seriousness we have the same worth as a rock or a tree. The task then becomes, not what does life mean, but what does life mean to you. People are so consumed with expectations (external or internal) that they begin to think that there is some sort of operating manual for the human experience. However, in reality, you are as unique as it gets and the best way to live (in my opinion) is to simply enjoy the limited amount of time you have on this earth.

With that being said, things like money and materialism are really the evils of our world. People want to convince you that money and commodities matter because odds are they have a vested interest in your spending. Companies that market products want you to buy them so that they can have revenue. Yes their product might offer you something but in the end, you are giving them something back.

The reason I bother to bring this up is that people should always make informed decisions. Do you really want an iPod or do you just think you do? Do you really want a BMW or do you just think you do? I know that there are the gadget kids out there that want all the toys, but I find it really sad when people feel intense pressure to look or act a certain way, when in reality, life is to short to try and be someone/thing you aren't.

The bottom line is that there is no perfect way to live, there is no ideal existence. There is only what you have, based on the choices you make. In addition, failure is also a subjective term. If you can't reach a goal you have set for yourself, despite your efforts, it doesn't mean you are a failure. I have recently had to deal with this kind of thinking as a scientist with people putting pressure on me to become what they are in the scientific community, but truth be told, I just want to do what I want to do. I love to write and talk and teach and maybe I don't want to be a professor at a major university which means I'm not going to make the sacrifices to even try, it just isn't what I want.

I for one want to live the most bad ass life possible and I don't need/want anyone telling me how I should live my life. I know that there is no big plan or reason why I am here. I am not here to figure out how I got here. I am here to enjoy the time I have and I suppose I find it funny when people search for meaning when in reality, they are wasting the time god/the universe has given them.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Ignorance is Bliss

2008-06-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Its funny, I saw this movie, Renaissance Man, with Danny Devito and in the movie one of the characters says, "he who increases knowledge, increases sorrow". This is a biblical quote from Ecclesiastes 1:18, and as I have gotten older I have realized how very true it is.

The World Sucks

I suppose the easiest way to start things is by looking at the world through an educated person's mind. An educated person usually is out to find a place for themselves. They want to do something that is unique, something that only they can offer. Maybe they are successful, maybe they aren't but the goal is still the same.

However, in order to achieve this, you have to be able to detect weakness, you have to be able to look at your environment and see where it could be improved, hopefully by you. Now this is great if you are a scientist, like myself, because you can look at the research that has been done and you can look for answers that have yet to be uncovered. The more skeptical and picky you are, the better your science will be because it will be difficult to dispute.

The problem comes when you are off the clock, or simply thinking about anything else besides your work. Those same gears that you apply to your work are automatically applied to everything else in your life. Maybe you don't have the motivation to correct weakness in everything around you, but that doesn't mean you don't pick up on it. This is where being intelligent sucks. I think that I am more intelligent than your average person and I can say that while it is nice to be able to think critically, it gets to be burden. Once cannot help but see weakness everywhere and what's worse is for the most part there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

Gas prices, inflation, politics, crime, etc.. The smarter you are the more you realize that a lot of these things are extremely complicated and the more you know the more you realize how feudal they can be. This can come as a major source of frustration, because in the work place all you do is think about ways of solving problems so when you get to one you cannot solve, it becomes such a conflicting experience.

In addition, you're mind begins to turn on you. For less academic people, just "letting it go" or "getting past it" is easy. You just don't think about it. However, for me, thinking is all I do. It is what I am good at. I refuse to "let things go" because in the work place, it is my job to think it out and giving up is quitting and I just can't do it.

Insanity

After a few years of grad school, I have begun to sympathize with John Nash, the dude from Beautiful Mind. I feel like most people can't understand his situation, not because they aren't smart but because their livelihood does not revolve around thinking. For a lot of people their job is "to do". Sell something, teach something, manage something. However, for academic people, it is purely to think. Focus on a problem and figure out the most intelligent way of solving it. This may seem like the way to go, but it can be hell.

In addition to the frustration I mentioned previously, when thinking critically about work, it is difficult to not think about life in the same way. This is where I think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder comes from. When I think critically, I think of the best way to do something. Now for somethings, doing it the most intelligent way is useful, say picking a house or job. However, for other things, simply making a choice is all that is necessary. Like with what food to eat or what to wear. For all intents and purposes, it doesn't matter all that much but for me it is sometimes difficult to NOT over analyze, because that is what I get paid to do. I have think each choice out carefully which can irritate those around me or potentially freeze my activity which is not a good thing.

Distractions also pose a huge problem with very intelligent people. Telephones, other people, anything that disrupts your train of thought can be extremely agitating. For me, as I develop mentally, I tend to forget where to draw the line with what is or is not important. I find myself getting all worked up over very dumb things, simply because they don't work out the way I want or they detract me from something I want. I suppose this is more or less a second level of immaturity and I have begun to understand that. Recently I have been dating a woman who has a regular job with regular problems and her difficulties with her bosses are not unlike most other people. However, as I have spent time with her, her work issues (which she gets over quickly) frustrate me so much. She has to deal with so much inconsistency, contradictions, and hypocrisy and it drives me fucking crazy. Sometimes I wish I could just forget about it.

I suppose my biggest fear is going insane. My mind is so powerful that in reality it could take over my body. I feel like I can think my way through anything and when I cannot I get so incredibly frustrated. If there is some outside variable which I cannot control, say the weather, or another person, or a child, and it does not respond the way I want, I lose it. I like to think things through completely and when they don't pan out, I don't understand and I feel dumb. I shouldn't feel this way because there will always be things outside my control, but when those situations come, yikes. I suppose I fear that the more they pile up or the more I come across them, I will have to come to a simple choice. Fixate on it, or let it go. As I have gotten older I have learned to let somethings go, but being a grad student has also made me impatient in different ways. I spend so much time focusing on my own life (because I have to or i'll fail out) that it is hard for me to relate to others sometimes, or even be patient with them. When they do not see things the way I do or they respond to me in a way I cannot rationalize, I get angry. I wish I didn't but I do. If I didn't, I would not have made it this far in my academic life.

Sports

As an athlete and now a writer, I have also come to realize that in sports, like everything else, ignorance is bliss. Take a professional athlete like Kobe, or Lebron, or David Ortiz. Lets say they hit a game winning shot or homerun. The crowd goes wild, the reporter shoves a microphone in their face and what kind of answer do you get? "I got an open look and took it" or "I got a pitch to hit". Usually the reporter is aiming for some kind of emotional response to give to his/her readers but in reality, these athletes are not perceiving the game the way the fans are. They just don't think about the pressure. This is a skill I wish I had. I play a sport and when I do, I want to play it the best way I can. However, I cannot help but think that some of my mistakes come simply because my head got in the way. Coaches tell their players "don't think, just execute" and this makes sense. As athletes (and even soldiers) we are more or less trying to be machines. We are trying to do something the way we have a million times, without screwing up, just the way a machine would. Thinking is not required and therefore only acts as a distraction and a potential problem.

This is where I struggle. If there is pressure, I feel it. My analytical mind plays scenarios in my head. What could go right, what could wrong., how much is at stake, the works. This is dangerous thinking, but it is who I am. Its like being tall. Yes, it is awesome to be tall when you are playing sports, or meeting women, but when you are traveling it sucks ass. You can't pick and chose when you are tall however, and are stuck with the cards you've been dealt. Likewise with my brain, i am stuck thinking about everything in its entirety. Sometimes, I wish I didn't but hey, I don't get to make that choice.

The Solution

In my opinion the solution comes with a compliment. Finding a mate that fits his/her strengths/weaknesses with another's strengths/weaknesses is ideal. I find it hilarious when people talk about what every guy wants or what every girl wants because it is such a ridiculous statement. For starters, it doesn't matter what everyone else wants, it matters, what I want. And secondly, everyone is SO different that they must want different things, right?

In any event, I have come to realize that I want a secretary. I need a woman that can help me navigate my bullshit. Some people would assume I want to date a scientist like myself and I could not disagree more. I don't want to date someone like me, I am crazy. I need a sane person to keep me in check. To ease my mental strain when life throws me curve balls. Yes I am smart, dependable, and entertaining, but the little things give me so much trouble. People say Einstein couldn't tie his shoes or didn't know his address, and I can understand why. For someone who thinks for a living, a lot of these things become meaningless because everyone knows them or everyone can do them. What makes a scientist valuable is their ability to be unique. However, the problem comes in those inopportune moments when you need to know those mundane details and that is when your perfect mate really reveals his/her worth. I am lucky to have a person that does this for me and I can imagine that as I emerge from Yale and go forward in life as a thinker, I will need her more and more. I love her very much and thank god she's asian.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

A beach day In New England

2008-06-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, this what an experience. I recently went to the beach in Old Lyme, CT with my girlfriend and, holy crap, was it weird. The east coast is so bizarre and I thought I would just give a run down on why.

West Coast Beach Experience

A day at the beach in Orange County or Malibu or Santa Monica mainly revolves around actually getting in the water. Folks bring boogie boards, surfboards, fins, snorkels, the works. And even if they don't go in with anything, they'll still body surf or something. I will concede that some folks are just hanging and getting tanned but for the most part they are engaged in some sort of activity, whether it be in the water or tossing a football/frisbee around.

In addition, the demographics of these people are usually white and then some sort of minority, hispanic, black, or maybe asian. Groups of each tend to be inter mixed unless they are families but for the most part there is a fairly decent mixture of people. Not to say that southern california is a poster city for integration, because it isn't, but the ethnic divides are fairly blurry. In addition, folks genuinely seem interested in themselves and what they are doing. The surrounding population may have some relevance for "mate seeking" but more often than not, a beach trip involves some sort of purpose and groups tend to focus mainly on themselves, rather than folks around them, or at least that has been my experience.

East Coast Experience

Now, the reason I point these things out is that the east is so fucking different. First off, there are soo many different kinds of white people and this makes sense. If you look at the way the US has developed, the different ethnic populations congregated on the east coast from Europe. Some of them got itchy feet and headed westward but, for the most part, the ones that stayed really stuck with their ethnic identity. This is why I believe you have such large populations of Italians and Jews on the east coast and on the west its a lot harder to draw those lines. White people out west are such a mix, probably because they all had babies as they headed westward and now its a giant melting pot.

In growing up in Southern California, I developed a fairly narrow view of what people were like, which makes sense, but in picking up and moving across the country, wow, are things different. At the beach here, everyone looks the same. It seemed like the major demographic was Italians and WOW, talk about some cliches. First off, they all dress the same. You have your buffed out males with their blown back hair. They all have a cross around their necks (good catholic boys) and have dark sunglasses. Lastly, they all have have tons of tribal tatooes which I find so ridiculous because if I were going to label my body, I wouldn't want something everyone else has. Now I will concede that perhaps people all looked the same with their blonde hair and board shorts where I grew up, but man, these folks are so similar.

As for the women, they are basically the same as well. They all have tons of makeup on (at the beach?), they have really dark hair but light skin, which kinda looks weird, and they all have the same bikinis. I think I saw at least a dozen women wearing zebra print bikinis. I couldn't believe my eyes. Are you guys trying to look alike? It was so uncanny.

And to sum it all up, no one was in the water. it's like they all came just to be seen. They layout and just sit there. No one moves. A few folks are tossing the football around or playing volleyball but 90% of the population is just soaking up the sun. Oh and a bunch are smoking. SMOKING?!?! At the beach? Thats like drinking at work, in the sense that they were using a stimulant that seems to go in the opposite direction they want. At the beach you are supposed to relax and all these people are sucking on cancer sticks. It was sooo weird.

I suppose what makes things even weirder is that I have an italian roommate. I get to see first hand how these folks think and I can't believe the conformity they follow. Matt grew up in Philly and is half italian and he has no desire to live anywhere but the east and he wants to marry an Italian woman. I find this so amazing because he has such a narrow view of the world. He voluntarily blocks out several options and goes for what every other person like him goes for. He even dresses like every other italian guy and works on his biceps in the same manner. Not to say this is bad, because he genuinely wants this and knowing what you want is the best thing in the world. But, I just don't understand it.

Conformity

I suppose it all comes down to being comfortable with who and what you are and a lot of these people have strong ethnic ties and I suppose thats a good thing. I definitely think that out west people are more individualistic because their ethnicity is not nearly as prevalent. I suppose that is why I am hell bent on being different from everyone else. I hate the idea of being pigeon holed or being pegged as this kind of person or that. I am a scientist but you've never guess if you hung out with me. I'm also a social juggernaut which you couldn't tell from my career choice. In the end I just want to be my own person, like none that has ever been (or that I've come across) and in looking at hoards of like minded people, I think my lucky stars that I am who I am.

In the end I guess this is what happens when you pack up and move across the country. The east coast and the west are basically different countries and I suppose the South, the Mid West, and Texas are just as different. It's amazing how different our county is and while it might be advantageous in resources (ie farming, industry, etc..) but being so large definitely offers problems with culture clashes. I am glad I moved all the way to New England because now I have a perspective on this country that is soo rare. For the rest of my life I will be able to integrate cultural differences or at least appreciate the difference between my life and those around me.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

War and Sports

2008-06-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about sports and why they are so popular among men and I realized that sports are THE model for War. Think about it, what do sports do? They increase physical fitness, they teach strategy and muscle memory, they are extremely quantitative, and participants are always trying to determine a winner.

What got me thinking about this was when I asked myself the question, "why do people want to win so bad?" Who gives a rat's ass? Yeah you won, but peripheral to money or women, what is really the gain? I say women here because I think men are much more competitive than women, sorry, just my opinion.

In any event, I realized that sports and games in general are a means of conditioning and training our mind to think critically in a competitive manner. If you think about this evolutionarily (I know, I do this a lot, sorry) man has always competed with other men for resources, be it food, land, or women. If you think about it, sports and games have been a safe way to compete and train for real battle. Take any major sport, most professional athletes are ideal examples of soldiers, especially for historic war fare. Take a beast of a man like Ray Lewis. If you could pick any random person to fight a long side you in battle or protect you, wouldn't Ray Lewis be a perfect example? He is aggressive, hungry and scary. The parallel to a dark age warrior is not difficult to draw. And I say dark age because now a days warfare has become a bit more complicated so for this example, ancient warfare is a better model.

Now lets take a close look at football (you could do this with any sport). Each player serves a purpose. A team (which could be a country's military) has to be organized into different groups to maximize utility and efficiency. Certain people serve different roles and purposes. Take a quarter back, a great leader or "colonel" on the field (the coach could be the general). He is responsible for coordinating several participants in an offensive campaign towards victory. Death and destruction isn't the goal but penetration into a team's territory is and eventual conquest of their endzone is the goal, which could be like getting across enemy lines and planting your flag/government. Success is determined by a point total and at the end, whoever has the more points wins. This is just like a war, but no one dies

Even the vocabulary is the same. In sports and warfare we use words like weapons, penetrate, demoralize, contain, strategy, execute, etc... I find this to be eerie but it makes a lot of sense. Why would males have such an inherent urge to win. It has nothing to do with the accolades that are offered because they are fleeting. A superbowl ring gets forgotten and previous winners mean very little, just like previous battles. If a country wins a great war, fantastic, but winning now means more. Who gives a shit if you won in the past, if you lose now, you lose everything.

In essence, I think this is why competition is so strong in people and why they work so hard to win. It isn't about enjoying the game, it isn't about money or fame, it is about defending your turf. That is why fans exist, they are like civilians. It is even easier to draw the similarity because people tend to root for their home team. This makes sense because it's like rooting for your tribe's or country's army in battle, of course they would be your team. If your team wins, your region is dominant and at least for the time being, you reign supreme. Survival of the fittest.

I find this to be an interesting situation because it shows how people have evolved to develop their warfare abilities. In addition, it's also interesting because despite our advancements as a species, we are still as primitive as ever. We as humans have such an inherent drive to distinguish ourselves from one another and to organize into defendable units. In looking at the world this way, it is easy to see that things like World Peace will never happen. We are animals just like lions and fish and we will fight one another just for the piece of mind that we are the best. We need to feel dominate and sports train us to do so, or at least are a way of exercising those tendencies without death and destruction. I think that is why people stick at risk kids into sports programs. It channels your anger and aggression into a useable medium.

I suppose then, that the idea of "can't we all get a long" is not possible. It would be like trying to convince the NBA to form one giant team that just practiced. They would never do it. Athletes are competitors that want to duke it out between one another and figure out who the best is. We as fans want that as well. We need to know who the best is because we need to know who to follow. We need to know who is the alpha male. That is why we have things like MVP's and Hall of Fames. Just like museums that celebrate historical figures like George Washington, Ulysses S Grant, and FDR, we have shrines that celebrate great athletes. They aren't much different than soldiers if you think about it.

What's funny, is the parallels of fighting wars poorly and sports is very interesting. Take the Vietnam War or Iraq. Our campaign is like sending in a great athlete to compete in a different game, no wonder you aren't successful. Imagine it as a tennis match. Going into a tennis match with a basketball player against a Federer or Nadal would be pretty useless. Even if its someone like Kobe Bryant or LeBron, athletes with amazing abilities in their sport, you are still going to get owned by an opponent who's playing a different game. It's not that one athlete is better than the other, one is just good at a different game and if your opponent choses the game you have to attack them intelligently. You can't go with your primary option (ie football or baseball or basketball), you have to go with theirs, if its on their home turf. That is why invasion of far off countries rarely works. As an aggressor, odds are you aren't going to play your opponents game better than they do, it's just not possible. maybe some places play your game, but not everyone will and you better adapt or you are just wasting your time.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts on the subject. Thought it was kind of interesting.

match unleaded

Why it pays to be fat

2008-06-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

On this blog I tend to bitch a lot about my upbringing but I suppose the take home message is that everything that sucked when I was a kid has made me a better adult and as I develop as a man I have come to realize the benefits my childhood suffering has offered me.

Jelly Belly

I'll never forget the moment I realized I was fat. I as 10 years old in an after school day care center at my elementary school. I was bickering with some kid about a board game we were playing and at some point he called me a jelly belly. Now when you are a kid you are pretty clueless to the world around you, ie innocent. Up until this moment, I really hadn't paid any attention to my appearance relative to everyone else. However, after this, I began to develop serious feelings of self-conscienceness concerning my body. In the coming years I would experiment with diets, exercise, clothing choices, and athletics. In the end, it has been one interesting experience after another and 15 years after this moment, I am still self-conscience but I have come to realize the power that it has offered me.

Late Bloomer

I am definitely a late bloomer. I was socially awkward for a significant part of my life. I was over eager frequently, too hyper and just too over the top. As I developed, I learned to curb my behavior and channel it in ways that were socially beneficial both for me and my surroundings. Like my social development, my body also developed late. I was over weight from about 10 to about 17 at which point I really started to grow. When i was a sophomore in high school I was 5'4" and weighed about 150lbs. However, by the beginning of my senior year I sprung up to 6'2" but only gained 10-20lbs. My weight redistributed and my appearance was drastically different than a just few years before.

I was also a late bloomer when it came to women. Because I was socially and physically unhappy, I was not exactly a Don Juan. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18 and my first really consistent girlfriend didn't come until I was 22. However, once I matured as a man, I really made up for lost time. My teenage social ineptitude was complemented by a vastly different experience in my 20's that I am still enjoying at 25. However, the point of all of this is the idea that all those years of suffering alone really taught me a lot of things that I use today. Being unwanted and alone for a decent portion of my life had the affect of really forcing me to work for what I want and to enjoy what I have once I get it. I rarely ever take anything for granted and when it comes to social situations I really enjoy being the friend that I never had. It has panned out very well for me in the sense that most people like me, which I think is because I know what it is like to be unliked and I never want people around me to feel that way. In any event, the bottom line is that I sucked at life early, but having a good memory and some patience has really paid off.

10 Year Reunion Woes

Being fat as a kid drilled one thing into my brain, don't be fat. My brother was a twig growing up and I was always frustrated that he could do whatever he wanted and not gain an ounce. His metabolism was vastly superior to mine and I was always jealous. However, one thing that being fat gives you (and skinny kids will never understand this) is the drive to stay in shape. When i was 16 I was fed up with being fat and I decided I was going to absolutely tear my body apart. I was going to run/workout every day and not quit until I was satisfied with my appearance (I'm still not in case you were curious). Nine years later I still see that fat kid in the mirror and despite the fact that this may seem a bit odd, it has really helped me stay motivated.

My brother on the other hand has not maintained his twig-like status. Like most folks that were skinny without effort, he packed on the Bud Light pounds and he is not what he used to be. He has the benefit of not caring and I envy him there, but he still isn't the physical specimen he once was and he cannot compete with me now. Just like many kids and athletes in high school that are in shape without much self-motivation, once your metabolism slows down or once your coaches are gone you really let go of yourself. I have seen that people really stop pushing their bodies once they don't have an immediate reward and they get fat. In the end, these people reassemble for their high school reunions and BAM, they look like shit. Well, maybe not shit, but they definitely look like they peaked early.

Fatty's Motivated

So I suppose what I am getting at is that I am glad that I was once a porker. Being so awkward and so afraid to bare my torso has really motivated me to take care of myself into adulthood. I used to eat fast food all the time as a kid and now I won't go near it. Some people pick up a Big Mac and say, "ehh I know this is bad for me but, fuck it". However, I see what I once was and those same feelings of self-loathing and fear come back to haunt me. I say no to grease and slop because I know where it goes. Some folks let those pounds slowly creep up on them but they scare me to death and I will do anything to avoid them.

Likewise with working out. A lot of people go gym membership to gym membership and really have a hard time staying consistent with their workout regiment. Now the only reason why they do this is because they are not motivated to change. Their current comfort, is better than their future comfort with some suffering involved. They are complacent and despite fledgling statements of frustration and self-dissatisfaction, they really don't do anything about it. However, with a decade of fatness in my past and years of sweat and jogging under my belt, I have earned the body I have today and I'll be damned if I am going to lose it. I am not exactly happy with my appearance but things could be worse. I have made serious progress over the last 9 years and I am in the best shape of my life. However, I always know that every time I skip the gym or pass up an opportunity to sweat, I know that is one day that "Fatness" won. All my work means nothing if I don't stick to my workouts because every pound I have worked off can come right back.

This is something that may seem a bit intense or even unhealthy, but it keeps me motivated. I get up every morning with a schedule in mind and more often than not I find some time during the day to suffer. I strive to put my body through hell on a constant basis because that is the only way I will keep/get the physical form that I want. It may take the rest of my life to get there but in keeping the engine burning, in staying unsatisfied, I have the ability to keep it up, to keep going and when everyone else becomes complacent, I will be resilient.

Closing Thoughts

I suppose this goes out there to all the fat kids. I play a sport and most of the people I come across in Ultimate have never had to deal with these things first hand. They were child athletes and have always been in good shape. In addition, they, like me, want to keep it up in adulthood and in competing in a club sport, we all keep our bodies fit.

In the end, everything comes down to motivation. No one works or studies, or does anything on a whim. The best accomplishments are achieved only when a person is consistently motivated. The real problem is how to become motivated. Kids with no work ethic, over weight adults with no drive, people that just don't care enough to work hard, are all people lacking motivation. So how did I succeed where these people failed? Be afraid. Human beings definitely have stronger emotions when it comes to fear than happiness. People feel more afraid of something bad, then they feel happy about something good. With that in mind, one cannot motivate themselves (to workout) based on what they want to become, but on what they DON'T want to be. Focusing on getting rid of what you don't want and fearing what you are is a far greater stimulus than wanting to look good or to be well built. This has the effect of never being satisfied, never being content because you can always go back to what you were. That fear is what motivates me and it has worked for roughly a decade.

I suppose I should say something like, I hope most of you never have to deal with this, but in the end, if you are/were a fat kid, like me, and you get something out of it, you will work the rest of your life to stay in shape. You know what you want and more importantly what you don't want and that motivation will keep you moving throughout your life. Maybe being a kid sucked, but being an adult will be better. You'll never slip because those crucial 10 years between 10 and 20 make you what you are the rest of your life and if they are riddled with frustration, like they were with me, you will spend your life working to overcome it. However, for those without such suffering, they won't know what they have until its gone and once its gone, they will not have the motivation to get it back.

Stay strong jelly bellies out there. I was one of you. Hold onto the fear, hold onto the frustration, the bad memories. They will keep you motivated when you're older and when you are fit and appealing for the last 60 years of your life, you can point and laugh at the skinny people that got fat and died young because they were handed something when you had to earn it.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Where does confidence come from?

2008-05-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted to write something like this because like so many young males out there, I was not accepted, I was not well liked by women, I was picked on, and I was anything but confident well into my late teens and into my early twenties. Like most aspects of my life, I have been a late bloomer and now that I am 25 I could not be happier with my life and I have learned a few things that would have been nice to know a decade ago.

Figure out what you like
This is something that everyone in the world will try and “help” you with but it really must come from inside. As a person matures from an awkward pre-adolescent into a young adult everything from women to sports to video games, music, movies, food, the works will be presented to you.

Depending on how effectively they are articulated or advertised, you will perceive them differently. Maybe you have a phenomenal English teacher and he/she conveys the subject so beautifully that you decide to follow it for the rest of your life or maybe you get force fed sweet potatoes when you were a kid and now you hate them. Regardless, all the experiences you have, positive and negative, shape what you like and hopefully there are more likes than dislikes.

In any event, it is really important to realize what these tendencies are and equally important to put them to good use. Perhaps you have that one T-shirt or pair of pants that just fits you well or that you just like to sport. I am extremely self-conscious about my body but I have those select clothing items that I know I can pull off. I am also a person that cares a lot about symbolism. A T-short may seem meaningless to one person, but that article could be something that was passed down to me from a mentor or close friend that I wear it in remembrance and pride.

In any event, the point I am getting at is to figure out what you like. This is very different from convincing yourself you like something. This is where this action gets tricky. Forget what you see on TV, forget what your friends tell you is cool or not, forget what everyone else is telling you to like and just go with what YOU like.

This is something that I think women do very well and men not so much. I believe that women routinely know what they want and that is why they like to do things like shop and go for jewelry. They know what they want and they go for it. Perhaps this entirely superficial but hopefully it has some merit. However, men have a tougher time. Men are functional. They like what works and what they need, but what they like? A clothing item, a kind of car, food, etc..? Usually men are fairly ambivalent. If not, good for you, but I think a lot of men are.

In any event, may be you don’t know what you like, but you must know what makes you feel good, what makes you feel comfortable. For whatever reason you like something. Recently, my wallet fell apart and I needed to get a new one. I thought about all those wallets that I could get, the black leather tri fold or whatever, but I realized that I have always thought that the magic fold wallets were soo bad ass. The way they fold, it’s just cool. Maybe it isn’t the most functional thing in the world, maybe it doesn’t hold all that much, but it’s what I like.

I went on ebay and I purchased it. When it arrived I had a smile from ear to ear and it still shows up whenever I think about what is sitting in my back pocket. I hope most of you have had this feeling, the knowledge of knowing/having what you want. It doesn’t matter what it is or why, it just matters that you know what it is. It is even better if you cannot describe why you like it, because then it is a true expression of positive emotion, things that we have no control over.

And lastly, you can’t really control what you like so best stop trying. It is extremely important to try new things so that you can be exposed to a lot but I feel like a lot of people try to convince themselves of what they want. The right hair cut, the right clothing line, the right car. But when/if they get it, they sport it incessantly because they are insecure. They want to show how much they like it, when in reality they are just trying to convince themselves.

Confidence – What Women Want
Ever wonder how guys that appear average get really hot women? Confidence. Women like confidence and there is nothing like a man who knows where he is going in life. But where does this come from? That’s right, knowing what you.

If you live a life surrounded by things you like and things that make you comfortable, you are secure. You know that you are encapsulated in your own unique environment, one that you have developed after years of life experience. Maybe it’s a certain kind of art or furniture or clothing or whatever. The kookier the better, women love what is weird and intricate about a man. It makes them interesting and most of all, desirable.

What does this translate into? Once a person is comfortable with their surroundings, ie what they like/want, you cannot help but be comfortable in your actions and your opinions. This may come off as being a dick (the age old strategy guys try and implement) but this is actually confidence.

This kind of confidence is easily seen with resistance to conventional ideas. Say there is something very popular that you have always been uncomfortable with. Maybe a movie or a location, maybe a subject or an idea, maybe a clothing style or trend. I’ll use white women as an example.

Everybody thinks every guy wants the cheerleader with the perfect body. A Jessica Simpson or Katie Holmes. Yuck! Not me. White women have such a big flaw and that is a sense of entitlement. They want the ring, the house, the perfect wedding, just because they are a live. I like my asians and they appreciate the value of work and are happy with what they have. No expectations, awesome.

And another thing, people think the enlightened man wants a smart sophisticated woman with strong career goals and what not. Not me. I want a secretary. I want a woman that is a woman. I like gender roles and whether women want to admit this or not, they want gender roles too. I am driven and career oriented, I don’t want my significant other to be as well. How would we figure out where to live? Men and women were not meant to be parallel they were meant to compliment one another and I want a woman that takes care of me in ways I can’t take care of myself and vice versa. In any event this is something I get shit for because it goes against convention but I don’t care. It’s what I want, it’s what I like and it gives me confidence.

So with that in mind, go with what you like. Maybe it is something really against the grain but the weirder the better. If you are insecure about something you like or prefer, odds are it is confidence waiting in the winds. If you like Star Trek or the Golden Girls. If you like Michael Jackson (which I do) you should be proud because it is something you know you like.

Yes there are going to be people that knock you for your opinion but they only do it because they are insecure about their own. Seeing someone else happy is such a scary thing, especially if you are not happy yourself. This is where bullies come into play. When I was a kid I was bullied a lot because I was very different from everyone else. I talked to myself, I didn’t hate the social outcasts and I didn’t like the popular folks. People tried to bring me down, and for a long time, it worked.

However, now that I am older, I have realized that the “Fuck’em” advice, really is very good. People want to bring you down because misery loves company and despite the fact that it is scary to be all alone in your opinions, in the end, it’s worth it. I have been tossed around and fucked with my whole life but it has taught me that no one is going to make me happy but myself. You can rely on people for some things but emotional stability, security and confidence come from within. I feel so bad for those people that are lost in their own insecurities. They seem to be terrified of suffering, especially women that need a man to be happy. I feel like this sort of insecurity really brings about troubled marriages and adult problems that could have been avoided if people made better decisions when it comes to what they really want and need. I suppose I write this because I want everyone out there to be as happy as I am. Maybe you think I am full of shit and if so, great, I hope your life strategy works out well for you. I’m doing ok over here.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Iraq - The New Vietnam

2008-05-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

So this is a topic that is extremely controversial as well as redundant in a lot of ways. I think most of the observations I will make are relatively obvious and common place but I want to discuss it anyway.

Terrorism - Bush's Communism

So the first thing that makes Iraq so analogous to Vietnam is the overlying fear associated with the region. During the Cold War everyone feared Communism and if you were even suspected of being a red sympathizer you were shunned, especially if you held public office. More of the same with terrorism now a days. Because of the Arab association with terrorism, the labeling and prejudice against this demographic has been wide spread and, for all intents and purposes, been ignored by the unaffected parties.

In the case of Vietnam, it seemed that the main fear was the association of China with Vietnam and the idea that if Vietnam feel, it would inspire a domino affect that would spread communism throughout the the Eastern World and eventually result in an anti-capitalistic conglomerate that the US and Western Europe could not handle. In the case of Iraq, it appears that insurgents are the main issue and Iran is the background country that the US fears the most, not unlike China during Vietnam. However, rather than face the actual enemy (which I do not suggest we do) we go head first into a region we are not prepared to fight with, which brings me to my next point.

Urban Warfare - The New Canopy Jungle

It seems like with any warfare involving an army that is from a distant country, success is pretty minimal. Rather than fight using conventional warfare as we would like, ie weapons used for large scale warfare between super powers, we are stuck with expensive weapons that are ineffective against guerrillas and faceless enemies. By ineffective I do not mean that they do not offer major destructive power, but rather they are not useful in deterring enemy attack.

What makes matters significantly worse is that rather than adopt analogous means of fighting, we seem to push our accustomed tools like tanks and missiles. It seems like in this case, we are using weapons that are not effective because they do not fight the enemy directly. More often than not, civilian casualties are a result, despite some possible gain against the enemy. In my opinion, the issue here is very similar to Vietnam in the sense that in the 60's we were up against VC hiding in fox holes and jungles and despite our vastly superior resources, were unable to effectively deter our opponent. Much is the case here. A great line from Ho Chi Minh was "you will kill 10 our men, and we will kill only 1 of yours and in the end it will be you who will tire of it" and this is definitely the case here. Almost always, the most fundamental group usually wins in these kinds of battles because the losses they feel are insignificant relative to what they feel they have to gain.

In the case of insurgents, they are fully to prepared to die, suicide bomb, etc.. for their cause and that is an operating system, we as the US have no answer for. For them, the ends justify the means and the US policy with respect to this is usually the opposite. This raises 2 potential options. Fight fire with fire, meaning utilize the necessary means to render a victory which could mean outsourcing to the Israelis because of their experience in similar war fare. This is a very controversial issue because it would possibly provoke other Islamic nations to intervene which is something the US does not want for a variety of reasons. Second, all out nuclear annihilation of the country, one of those, "the only way to save them is to kill them" which no one wants but as far as warfare goes, it is an effective solution, which brings me to my next point.

Iraq - Political WWII

It seems that the politicians are in control of this war, not unlike Vietnam. The justification of the US in Iraq is a function of opinion and belief and because the US is so married to history and oil, we are absolutely terrified of letting the region go. Much like Vietnam, the US government intervenes in a region that is hostile towards help and at the end of the day, the people that lose are the US soldiers and the Iraqi civilians. Similar to innocent people that were killed out of frustration and ignorance in Vietnam, civilians in Iraq are pushed aside and marginalized because they cannot be differentiated from the enemy. This is something that the US has never utilized in warfare and it is a tough tactic to beat. The enemy knows the gold hearted nature of the West and challenges their stomach in these situations. Making the line between enemy and civilian fuzzy is to their advantage.

It is my belief that to succeed in Iraq you have to either hand over responsibility to a militant body that can actually succeed in the region, ie Israel, or take the necessary steps to put down the threat via suspect war practice and brutality. Neither one is something the US is willing to do but the bottom line is that to succeed in war, you have to do what your opponent can't/won't and the US will not do either. Fighting a war like this is like fighting an infection half-assed. When given an antibiotic prescription, it is stressed that you take every pill because if you do not, you end up with a relapse bacteria that is now resistant to the antibiotic. Without completely wiping out your opponent whatever the cost, you cannot win and it seems that with a political war, there are degrees of victory when in reality it is win or lose.

I believe that in the case of WWII we had the motivation to carry out our task to completion and nuking Japan was not necessarily justified, but we had an argument for such an extreme tactic and we were victorious. In the case of Vietnam and Iraq, we do not have such a clear opponent or moral reasoning for being in the area, because most of our government is concerned with keeping allies and our economy. This doesn't mean that we are weak, but it does mean that we don't belong in a war. People do not like being "occupied" and things never seem to work out despite the over bearings power's ability to rationalize with their homeland population and other major nations. In addition, once again like Vietnam, we are actively fighting group we do not care to understand and such an over sight drastically reduces our capability for success

Islam is the most misunderstood/represented religion out there and so much of our efforts are out to defeat an opponent we wish was us. Fighting a war is like sports. Every NFL head coach watches film of their opponents because their defense needs to know how to handle a different offensive strategy. If you only know how to stop your own offense, success against a different game plan is limited. Most of our ideas about Islam are routed in fear, not unlike our feelings towards communism during the Cold War and once again, rather than try and understand our opponent, we have simply decided to fight them our way. Hiring Iraqi ex-patriots, teaching Arabic to soldiers, or just taking a more cerebral route to this whole endeavor seems like a much better option. However, the end result of intense mental effort in this case is basically to just get out of Iraq which leads me to my next point.

Changing of the Guards - No one kill Obama, PLEASE!!

The election this year doesn't exactly follow the timing of Vietnam but it does have certain similarities. Check out this clip from JFK, it's awesome. Sums up the "how's" and "why's" a government would want to kill JFK for getting out of Vietnam. Barrack Obama is clearly the favorite to win both the democratic nomination and the presidential election this year and because he has new ideas and a new mind set about Iraq (relative to the current administration) he is definitely a threat to the "Industrial Military Complex". For this reason, Barrack definitely draws parallels to JFK. He is young, idealistic, and committed to ideas that conflict with the old. I think he is the future of this country because he challenges our assumptions and that is something we need.

Under the current administration we have feared our oil dependency, and with good reason, but they have done nothing about it. It took a failed presidential candidate to make something like An Inconvenient Truth and rising green minded lobbies to induce car companies to produce hybrid cars to keep us from slipping into scare tactics and efforts in the Middle East. We are a nation that has landed on the moon, successfully transplanted organs, sent radio controlled robots to Mars, and developed into the World's strongest nation in less than 200 years. Is it possible that oil is something we cannot live without? Are we completely incapable of utilizing things like wind, solar, hydroelectric or other energy sources to the same degree as oil? It is a bitch that infrastructure has such a lobby in these instances and it is a shame that our government is run by people with self interests. I sincerely believe that Obama can and will change things and restore the patriotism in this country. The feelings this nation had on 9/11 are more or less the same our parents had on 11/22/63. Fear, shame and the government left to lead us did not act in our best interests. They used fear to rob us of our pride and rather than rally us the way FDR did after Pearl Harbor, we have spent the last 7 years seeing our prosperity dwindled in the wind.

Closing Thoughts

It is my belief that the US is capable of returning to glory and this will happen with a new president. When Bush was elected in 2000, I remember thinking to myself "Bush, Gore, what's the difference" and 8 years later I know. I think we will see great things from our next president and being a scientist, my main focus will be on a transition in spending from defense back to domestic concerns like the NIH.

To sum up my Iraq discussion, it seems like democracy is the new Christianity. The last few years we have seen forceful insurgence into a sovereign nation for the purpose of saving the locals from themselves. This seems to be the same rationale as missionaries spreading the teachings of Jesus to natives from Africa to North America but like religion, certain kinds of government are not for everyone. These two institutions have the same goal in mind, keep people under control, and despite our love for the 10 commandments, Jesus, Charleton Heston movies, the electoral process, and the US Constitution, democracy and Chrisianity aren't for everybody. Different strokes for different folks and while I do believe some practices in this world are egregious, there are some things we as a nation cannot fix. Like Vietnam, we cannot win in Iraq and sooner or later, we are going to have to think about what is best for the US and rather than make the same mistakes again, it is in our interest to do what we should have done in the early 60's. Rather than drag out Iraq the way we did Vietnam, we should just cut our losses and our government should start paying attention to the people they represent, Americans.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Why I don't want to be rich

2008-05-04T12:17:00.001-07:00

It seems like a lot of folks out there want to make a ton of money and some actually get their wish. However, for people in my field (science) making a ton of money is a tough pull but I am not really upset about that fact. I would rather not make a ton of money and here is why.

Money - A Stable Medium Human Beings Can't Handle

It is my belief that human beings have not evolved to be able to handle money. I am a big fan of justifying things with an evolutionary basis, so I am going to continue that here. Take your run of the mill animal out there, say a bird. The tasks of a bird are relatively limited, eat, breed, and stay alive as long as possible so you can continue to breed. This is more or less the operating system of every animal on the planet, including humans. Now what is cool about animals, and what sucks about people, is that there is no such thing as excess. Animals (and probably plants) live in such a state of equilibrium with the world that they only get exactly what they need. Have you ever seen an over weight wild animal? No way, they hunt/scavenge/graze/etc.. and ingest only enough food for their survival. When they are satiated, they stop and go look for a mate or take a much needed nap.

Now lets look at humans. Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, we have this thing called money. Money is basically a stable medium that enables us to obtain goods and services at a time of our choosing. Rather than have to go meal to meal we can put a few bills in our wallet and save them for when we are hungry and stop off at deli when the time is right. Don't get me wrong, money is a good thing because it allows us to focus on other topics which has allowed for our mental development. However, people in this world, namely Americans, have developed a poor relationship with money and are falling into bad habits and behavioral trends. Because Americans now are benefiting from prosperity we didn't earn, we are more or less the lazy son that loafs on the coach in our rich parents living room. We were brought up in the hay day of the red white blue with things like winning WWII and the Cold War, being the dominant super power in the world, economic superiority over the rest of the world, and the Olympic Dream Team. But now, we have no contemporary accolades to showcase and our laziness is a product of us not valuing the dollars that our predecessors established.

Obesity in this country is well over 50% and every American is expected to get fat at some point in their life, especially in their senior years. Why is this the case here and not the rest of the world? Money. Because we have become so wealthy, we are no longer motivated. The passion, the drive, the will to overcome has been replaced with complacency, with comfort, and with impatience. In my opinion, no one does anything simply for the sake of doing it. People have to be motivated, there has to be pressure on them to do what is necessary to succeed. However, because there is so much money in this country the incentive to work hard diminishes because there are so many distractions and easier options.

Now, instead of going to work, you can work from home. Instead of working out, there are a million and one diet pills/plans. Instead of cooking a meal, you can go to McDonalds's or Burger King and you know that once these fast food companies start pushing the same crap they are either going to drop their prices or give you more for your buck. What has that turned into? A sea of people eating gobs and gobs of greasy garbage. If you talk to most foreigners, they'll tell you that one of the most surprising things about Americans is how much they eat. The serving sizes in this country are almost twice the size as they are in other countries and it is no wonder why we are fat, we are stuffing so much food in our mouths. And instead of following that diet with some heavy duty exercise, we sit our asses down on the couch and watch TV, or play video games, or do anything but sweat. Comfort like this is something most people in this world don't have and Americans need to have less of.

Getting back to my evolution argument, human beings have not learned how to live with excess. We do not understand the value of balance and just want to maximize gain in the true capitalistic sense of the word. What does this translate to? We as Americans have become so consumed with wanting to make money to buy stuff that we forget that it should be the other way around. We should strive to work for something and have money be the avenue we use, not work for money so that we can find things to do with it.

Lets say instead of trying to make as much money as possible, someone were to figure out exactly what they want in the world. The right job, live in the right place, find the right mate, maybe have kids, all that crap. Once you know what you want (which most folks do not) then you should set out trying to earn the money to achieve it.

Ok, what's the point Match?

The point I am trying to make is that most people work for money not for what they need it for. They want cash, but have no real idea what to do with it, or they have a general idea but it isn't what they really want, but rather what someone has told them they want.

In the event that they actually make the dough and the family is loaded, what happens? Warped families with distorted priorities, greed, and no real commitment to anything but green. Now I'm not saying that money is bad or that people should not be rich, but a person should not have money just sit, it serves no purpose. Why have a ton of money just sitting around? It only causes problems. The overall point here is that I would only want enough money to get what I want, no more, no less.

I had an interesting conversation a while back when I was visiting some friends in San Diego. I said "You know, ever since I moved to New Haven from San Diego, I really haven't thought about money at all. I don't make all that much but I never think about it and I wonder if making a ton of money is really necessary for a happy lifestyle". My friend replied with a very true and scary statement, "wait till you have a family, then you'll need/want more money". I thought about this for a few seconds and my heart sank because I knew my happiness was fleeting and one day it would be gone. But then I popped up and with a very confident tone I said "Fuck it, then I don't want a family".

This had me thinking some more. People in America are so consumed with things like the perfect career, owning a house, having kids, all that crap. Is it possible that every person out there wants this? My whole life I have never wanted to own a house. Dealing with plumbing and roof leaks, hiring a gardner, equity bull shit, all that crap. Do I really want the head ache? Yes it is a good investment, but who cares. I would rather not worry about shit my whole life and enjoy the time I have on this earth. I don't want to be married to the ground. I want to be free to do and go wherever I want and owning a house seems like such an emotional/physical/mental burden.

This is not to say that people should not buy houses, but don't buy them just because you think you have too. My mom told me once when I was bitching about this and she said "Michael, one day you will buy a house" to which I replied "Really? Says who?". Maybe my mind changes in the next 30 years, but right now, there is nothing I want to do less than buy a house and that hasn't changed in 7 years.

Maybe I am just young and maybe I don't understand the way things work, but this is what I do understand, being happy. A few of my friends have bought houses and they seem miserable, or at least I would be miserable if I were them. They have wives or finances and they basically have no life because they live and die for some wood and dirt. Why deal with that? Maybe if you have a ton of cash and you have to put it somewhere, buy a house, but like I said at the beginning, I have no desire to be rich. I don't need to be. All I need is enough money to get me the things that I want.

Nothing in the world feels better than knowing what you want. Knowing what you want gives you focus, it gives you drive, and it motivates you to do something with yourself. If you are motivated to just make money, you are a shell of a human being. Even if you earn the money, what are you going to do with it? Buying cars and clothes and having the accessories to get the woman/man you want is not going to give you happiness, because you are chasing a fabricated idea. You are working for paper and in the end, it can't buy you happiness. It can only distract you from what you really want.

On the other hand, if you work at something you like (which is another way of saying, doing what you want) then you should have the ability to get what you really want. Granted, maybe a scientist like me won't get a mansion and a porche, but I don't really want that. All I want is to be happy. I want an asian woman by my side (love'em) and I want to do cool shit. Travel the world, have job satisfaction, earn my way through a great career etc...

Things like children, houses, country clubs, etc.. are manifested goals that are pushed on us by people that chose something and want us to follow the same path. It's just like religion. If everyone is buying houses and having kids then I am safe in buying a house and having kids. However, what happens when you are miserable? Money and children have a funny way of putting pressure on a marriage and considering that monogamy is not something human beings are all that great at yet, it's no surprise divorce happens. So you get the family and the house and the money and you aren't happy, what's the deal?

Maybe this is a lifestyle people like but growing up with 6 parents and more divorce than I could shake a stick at has lead me to question the whole family thing. In any event, my goal for the rest of my life is to figure out what I want and try and get it. Life choices are like taste in music or movies or women. Everyone is different. Everyone has a separate set of proclivities and trying to cram everyone into the PTA/home owner mold is pretty bogus.

Bottom line, I don't want to be rich. Having money is not something human beings handle well. People that are rich develop things like greed and even worse, entitlement. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks they deserve something just because they are alive. This is one reason why I don't like white women. They are conditioned to think that just because they are alive that an education, a wedding ring and the perfect family will come there way. BULL SHIT!! I have had to work for everything I have and everyone should be the same. When you work for something, when you struggle, when you get frustrated, you learn what you like and don't like. You learn about what matters and what is superfluous. You learn how to be happy.

When you get what you want, that feeling of satisfaction is so amazing and no one will understand it but you. A smile on your face will be challenged by those around you because they want happiness and they don't like the thought of someone else having it, especially if they don't understand it. Yesterday I drove all the way to Costco just to get a hot dog and a slice of pizza. It was a 15 minute drive for a $4 lunch and to an outsider, this seems to be completely retarded. However, what they would never understand is that this $4 lunch is what I wanted. It is what makes me happy. I will go through the hoops to get what I want and once I ate it, the satisfaction I felt was indescribable.

In the end, all I am really trying to say is that money doesn't get you anywhere. It is nice to have money so that you can buy things and go places but if you really don't want those things in the first place, then don't bother trying to make the money. Figure out what you want first and then go about trying to earn the money to pay for it. I have a few friends that do investment banking in NYC and I have never known someone with such low job satisfaction and contentment. All they do is work and earn money they don't have time to spend and if they get out, they'll have a bunch of green in the bank and have no idea what do with it. Oh and they missed their 20's as well.

In my experience, just do what makes you happy. What you want is not a product of what someone tells you but what you figure out for yourself. Earn your way and your adult years will kick ass. Try and earn money for someone else's wants, and you'll have front row seats to a life of disappointment and faceless frustration.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Like a monkey ready to be shot into space...

2008-04-26T12:13:00.002-07:00

space monkey!

Ok, if you've never seen Fight Club, stop reading now and go netflix it. It's my favorite movie and I have always had this cool idea about it and I thought this would be a good place to articulate it.

The Hair is mightier than the Clippers

In the movie there are a variety of characters with varying levels of importance. You have Ed Norton, the central character, Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden, Helena Bonham Carter as Marla Singer, Meatloaf as Robert Paulson, Jared Leto as Angel Face and Holt McCallany as the Mechanic. There are others, but for my purposes these 6 are all that I will really need to reference.

Lets take a look at where these characters fall in the power levels in this movie. You have Brad Pitt and Ed Norton who are obviously the main entities despite the fact that one is much stronger than the other. However, they compliment each other well and given the conclusion of the movie, it makes a fair amount of sense. They are each in control of Fight Club at varying times in the movie meaning that they stand out above the rest. Notice here that I choose my words very carefully. They STAND OUT and they are ABOVE the rest in the sense that they are in control. However, it would seem that the dynamic of this group would challenge authority because they are challenging the general authority of a capitalistic government. We'll get back to that. But let me just say here that both characters have hair, it isn't really long, but it's there.

Now lets take a look at Marla Singer. She is a complicated character in both Brad Pitt and Ed Norton's respective roles. At times she is the dark angel that brings twisted joy into both their lives but she is also someone that is feared by Project Mayhem at certain points in the movie because she "knows too much". She STANDS OUT in this collection of faceless characters and threatens the goals of Project Mayhem towards the end of the movie. She, in addition to Brad and Ed, has hair, not really long, but hair none the less.

Ok so these are the three main characters that find each other outside the realm of Fight Club. They have their lives and their varying styles which include hair length, ok no big deal. Now lets take a look at some of the characters that join the ranks later in the movie.

Once the Fight Club thing has been rolling for awhile new members begin showing up to the door at the house on Paper St to begin their training in Project Mayhem. They have to sit outside for 3 days without "food, shelter, or encouragement" and they can then come in. The first person to do this is basically nameless and he sits outside for his required duration. However, once he gets inside what is the first thing that is done to him? He shaves his head to which Brad replies "Like a monkey ready to be shot into space. Space Monkey!" At this point, whatever feeble identity this character had is now absolutely gone. He has his hair butchered and now he is a cog in the Project Mayhem wheel.

Now who are the next two characters that join the ranks? Meatloaf and Jared Leto. When Tyler first discourages Meatloaf because he's "too old, fat man and you're tits are too big", he puts his tail between his legs and heads out. Ed stops him however and lets him know that he has to sit through the battery if he wants in. In any event, at this moment, Ed Norton's and Meatloaf's relationship transcends their initial "self-help" group relationship to something within Project Mayhem. There is emotion there and rather than have Robert Paulson be just another cog in the wheel, Ed Norton sees him as something else. Why do I mention this? Well after Meatloaf makes it in the door he DOES NOT shave his head. He hangs out, does his duty as a member of PM but he doesn't lose the do.

More of the same with Jared Leto. He steps onto the doorstep with his "too fucking blond" hairdo and waits out the 3 days. Angel Face's character is a bit more complicated than Meatloaf's. His importance does not come in until later but like Meatloaf, Marla, Tyler and Ed Norton, he gets to keep his hair. The time in the movie where Angel Face's significance is realized is when they apprehend the man in charge of the investigation of the "underground boxing clubs". Once they scare the crap out of the guy and then disband, Brad Pitt and Jared Leto are seen being friendly with one another while Ed Norton watches in jealousy and hate. This is where emotion enters the arena for this character. Ed Norton has a collection of ill emotions towards Angel Face and Jared's brilliant blond hair is a symbol of this. It is flaunted as a reminder that Jared STANDS OUT in the sea of bald hooligans.

So here are 5 characters with varying levels of emotional attachment and importance to one another. Now, lets talk about the representative of the faceless army crowd, the Mechanic. What a perfect character name for this person. He is die hard for PM and carries out every "homework assignment" with the utmost dedication and precision, especially the "two birds with one stone" job with the destruction of corporate art and franchise coffee bar. This character, like most of the bodies in the Paper St house, is bald and nameless. He, like the rest, doesn't matter, they are just worker bees that live and breath as one. A great line in the movie comes when Ed Norton thinks to himself, "the house had become a living thing" with all of these cells working as one. They carry no emotional attachment to Ed Norton and in essence DO NOT stand out.

So why all this dialog about hair length? Who cares? In my opinion the most exciting part of this movie comes when Ed Norton realizes that Brad Pitt is not an actual person, but a figment of his own imagination. When this happens, Brad Pitt magically enters the room bitching to Ed Norton about how he "fucking talked to her about me". But he has changed. His style still remains, but now instead of his short scruffy hair, he is now bald.

Now, instead of having Brad as an emotional entity in Ed Norton's life, he realizes that he is a figment of his imagination. He isn't real. Ed Norton may battle with his psyche about what is real and what is not, but for all intents and purposes Brad Pitt no longer stands out. He ceases to have an individuality and that loss of individuality is represented with his loss of hair. Now, unlike Meatloaf, Jared Leto, Marla and Ed Norton, he stops becoming a separate entity and is relegated to a cog in the PM wheel. His hair looks just like every other member in PM and his commitment to the destruction of corporate america is just as real as every other "space monkey".

So I say STAND OUT and emotional entity, but what does that really mean? Maybe hair length is the symbol of the real world beckoning Ed Norton to not slip into the depths of conformity along his PM lineage. It is ironic that PM has become the single, one minded, entity that Fight Club set out destroy at the onset of the movie. Perhaps it is poetic justice that Ed Norton destroys his alter ego and PM at the end. It is almost as if the two battling foes must destroy each other and from the ashes people can adopt a culture their own, without capitalistic influence. In any event, I think hair length is the shadow of Ed Norton's emotions and these emotions are what keep him from falling completely into PM. His twisted love for Marla is manifested into her deranged and unconventional appearance. His loyalty and morality is shown with his relationship with Meatlof. Although Robert Paulson may be a titted 50 something freak, Ed Norton sees the weakness within himself in this sad character and his commitment to protecting him is shown with Robert's hair.

Conversely, the twisted nature of Ed Norton, and perhaps the writer Chuck Palahnuik, is shown with his hatred for Angel Face. For the mainstream, Jared Leto is ideal, which is probably why he was cast as the character. He is attractive, non-threatening and has a beautiful head of hair. However, Ed Norton is an unorthodox character and perhaps he hates all that he is not or all that society wants people to like. Tyler's favoritism to Leto is only the beginning and his hate and anger is manifested in Leto's blond locks.

As for the Mechanic, Ed Norton has no emotional connection to this character. He is just puzzled at their behavior. "You guys were running around in ski masks trying to blow things up. What did you think was going to happen?". Words he mutters as he is trying to protect Robert Paulson from being buried like an animal instead of "a person". The Mechanic has no hair because the emotional exchange here is not towards the Mechanic, but for Robert Paulson. He may be frustrated but more than anything, he is afraid. He is afraid for Robert, he is afraid for Marla and he is afraid for himself, which is why all of these characters maintain their hair.

However, once Tyler loses his emotional connection to Ed Norton or perhaps a better way of wording it, is that Ed Norton's connection to Tyler now becomes internal. Ed's fear extends from Marla and Robert to himself. He is now terrified at what his life has become and Brad loses his hair because now the emotional response that Ed had for Tyler, in friendship and respect, has now been turned inward as fear and panic. Regardless, Ed's hair remains and Tyler's does not.

Ed Norton has basically snapped out of it and his emotional development has come full circle from an insomnia plagued corporate drone to an enlightened but hopelessly confused individual. Regardless, his development is very real and he has Marla to share in his new identity. It seems as if the destruction of Corporate America is a huge casualty of war in the struggle for self-discovery, but perhaps it is an irony that the author is trying to articulate. The whole movie is based on the idea that all things that do not matter should simply slide. In stuffing mainstream junk down our throats, Corporate America has in essence eliminated our self-discovery and only with the destruction of these conglomerates, can we begin to realize who and what we are and what we want. It is quite a price to pay and the route Ed Norton has chosen to take is quite bizarre. Project Mayhem was just that, Mayhem. I suppose the use of such an extreme by the author shows what we are capable of and what we are missing out on. Needless to say, Project Mayhem almost became the force that it set out to destroy and in the end Ed Norton had to eliminate it.

In any event, this is just something I have thought about for a long time and I always thought it was interesting. This is movie is amazing on a variety of levels and this is just one of them. Next time you watch, take a look and maybe you'll see something I haven't. Remember, every stupid nuance, every weird element to any artistic movie has a meaning. The author or director has a message in all of these elements and if you can find meaning in them (even if it is not the intended one) you have been moved by a piece of art.

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Growing Up sucks...

2008-04-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

because if it didn't, adulthood would suck more

As an adult I have come into contact with a variety of people from all over the country. I was born and raised in Southern California. I spent a lot of time with your stereotypical rich white suburban, snow boarding, OC folks and then I went to college in San Diego. There I got the gambit that is California from San Diego to Redding. The west coast folks are similar but the NorCal vs SoCal distinction is still fairly prominent. I think NorCal folks are a lot like New Englanders in the sense that they are very liberal and educated. Very green minded people that like public transportation, Trader Joe's, and independently produced music. SoCal people are a bit more superficial. They don't shop in thrift stores as much (ie brand names matter), they are a little less liberal because LA has a lot of old money (no silicon valley/tech millionaires), and folks are a bit more chill meaning you get a lot of surfer/snowboarders with beach bum attitudes.

Ok so California has a crop of folks that are sort of interesting, big deal. After college I sacked up and moved to the opposite end of the country and landed in NE for grad school. Here, I have come across SOO many different kinds of people and because of my ultimate background, I have been across the country and have met people from varying walks of life and I have come to some conclusions about growing up and what it takes to be a well adjusted adult (at least in my opinion).

Life Experience - Something everyone wants but no one wants to get

In today's Internet world, life, beginning to end, all across the globe has been mapped out and documented. At birth people are thinking about college funds and educational paths that will land their son or daughter into the best high schools. Then you get through the educational melee only to go for the best of the best schools which will get you the best internships and the best jobs.

And don't forget about your retirement. Gotta get that 401K started early and make sure you have life insurance so that everything beginning to end is secure safe and perfect. You've also got Dr. Phil telling you how to raise your kids and a bunch of politicians trying to legislate morality and ethics.

So what is my gripe? Life sucks and there is a reason for it. Growing up isn't just about getting your training wheels off or graduating high school, it comes from fucking up. We have all been there. We say the wrong thing or hang out with the wrong crowd and get ourselves in a whole heap of trouble. No big deal, we all screw up, thats how we learn.

So what's the problem? Well the way I see it, everybody wants the perfect life now-a-days and beyond that, people just don't want to get screwed over. Parents shelter their kids with private schools and strict rules to prevent them from falling into the wrong crowds and getting busted. They are encouraged to stay abstinent and drug-free and for all intents and purposes these are all noble aspirations, but this really inhibits growing up. Yes, underage kids should not drink and do drugs but the rationale goes wayy beyond that. Avoiding these things should be the product of understanding them and choosing to avoid the consequences rather than dodging them because they are illegal, which seems to be the rationale.

Take alcohol for example. I never touched the stuff until i was 18. It was the week before my prom and I was going to stay at a beach house after prom for the weekend with some friends and there was going to be drinking involved. Rather than keep everything a big secret, I told my mom everything. We have a very close relationship and she understood the position I was in because, low and behold, she was actually 18 once. In any event, rather than dodge the issue and drink behind close doors with a bunch of teenagers, I asked her if I could get wasted at the house the week before. This may seem like poor parenting, but in reality, she gave me a relatively low risk environment with which to experiment. I got blitzed, I was hung over the next day and I learned in 1 safe sitting, some of the dangers associated with drinking. Had I not done this, who knows if I would have gone over board during my prom weekend and I knew going into college what I was in for and I avoided trips to the health center because I didn't over do it.

So when it comes to negotiating the alcohol issue with teenagers, telling them not to do it because it is bad and illegal is pretty useless. Yes the legal drinking age is 21 but kids rarely wait that long and even if they do, what? Are they are supposed to have maturity all of a sudden? I had a friend wait until he was 21 for the sole reason that it was illegal and on the day of his 21st birthday he had a great time and the thing he kept saying over and over was "Why did I wait so long? What a waste." He learned a lesson that day. Don't do something just because someone told you not to.

Anyway the point is that in order to learn you have to suffer and that suffering can come in a variety of ways. You can either get safe exposure to alcohol when you are younger and get an idea of the pros and cons or you can avoid the topic completely and then when it is handed to you, have no idea what the hell to do. Guess which situation results in more suffering? Things like girls getting taken advantage of at Frat parties and freshman alcohol poisoning, I think, result because people are unprepared. In any event, its ok to break the rules a little bit. They are political and bogus and the reality is, the drinking age is 21 because if it isn't states will not receive federal funding for highways. I dunno about you, but that is not the moral/ethical rationale I want governing my life.

In addition to alcohol, another topic that I think goes down these lines is sex, especially in women. Take the virginity issue. Women are conditioned to be abstinent to avoid things like teenage pregnancy, STDs and just making choices that they will regret. However, blanket abstinence is NOT the way to go about this.

Take the actual event of losing your V-card. This is usually going to suck for all parties. Take the ideal example and some girl gets her fairy tail wish of candles and soft blankets and her one true love and all that crap and has her first time in a beautiful environment. The only way that she will ever be pain free is if the guy marries her and I am willing to bet that most guys are looking to NOT marry their first. Anyway, they either get married or they break up. If they get married, for the rest of their lives they will have a very limited view of reality and when it comes to things like parenting and what not, they will just tell their kids "I married my first" which may have worked for them but good luck with your children. And if the couple doesn't get married, the woman will suffer the pain of NOT marrying her first and have to be relegated to find someone else and probably some one else after that and so on. In any event, the bottom line here is that life sucks and you don't always get what you want. People are self-interested and things don't always turn out the way you want.

Lets take the sorriest example (which I have come across a few times) and talk to a woman that didn't lose her V-card at 16 or 17 like most people and is now 23 or 24 living in an adult world. They now have NO idea what the hell they are doing. Everyone they try and date has already been through that experience and has learned from it. However, taking a woman's virginity at 24 or so is a daunting task because thats when couples usually start to think about getting married and scarring a woman at 17 is different than 24. You now have a woman who has held onto something her whole life because she was told to and now she has it and all she wants to do is think about something else. She has zero understanding of sex and having relationships in an adult world without an understanding of sex is pretty tough. Sex is like money, you can't understand it if you don't have it. Can you imagine taking financial advise from someone that has never worked a day in their life? They would have no idea what the value of a dollar was, how easy/hard it is to earn/spend or what to do with it.

In any event, the bottom line here is that you have to suffer to grow up. You have to go through a perilous experience that results in tears and frustration because you get SO much out of it. 1) you learn that life does go on, so when/if something like that happens again, you will have the knowledge that you can get through bullshit 2) you can anticipate dangerous situations both for yourself and people you care about and 3) you develop a more complex understanding of the topic at hand. If you talk to someone that has never drank, all they can think about is alcoholism and hangovers, but if you have drank before, you'd know that you can get a buzz without a hangover and you can drink without being an alcoholic. Same with sex. After learning that sex happens and people go their separate ways, you'll understand that just because two people have been intimate doesn't mean they need to marry each other. Say you are sexually frustrated in a relationship, which happens, if you have experience you know what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. If you are sexually inexperienced you have no idea what the hell you are doing and I am sure that while most parents don't want their 16 year old screwing around, they REALLY don't want a 30 year old child interacting in an adult world that can hurt and destroy an innocent mind, one with no protection.

So the take home is don't be afraid to get screwed over. Maybe this message is for teenagers, but I feel like risk taking is what life is about. Yes you can get hurt, but you'll never know unless you try. Life experience is learning from life and that only happens when you fuck up. It would be nice if we remembered our successes as much as our failures but we all know we remember the later more than the former. That is why growing up is so hard. You have to learn these lessons the hard way and what better time to do it than when you have your parents to help you out. Yes alcohol, sex and drugs can ruin someone's life, but that doesn't articulate the point well enough. All of them carry taboo standings because of political reasons which may be nice for elections and policy but is that what you want controlling your daily life? Wouldn't you rather understand what you are afraid of? Recreational use of each is possible, as is abuse and knowing the difference is what separates a child from an adult.

So parents, level with your kids. It isn't enough to keep them from danger, they have to understand it. Telling them to look both ways before they cross the street is easy because the consequences are real and immediate. However, avoiding sex, drugs and alcohol are not that simple, especially because they are "fun". The more you discourage "fun" the more "fun" it becomes. Rather than skirt the issue, why not attack it? It is no wonder that Europeans have kids drink at an early age because they begin to understand it, just like anything else, so that when they are 18 they don't start getting bombed at house parties and make all kinds of stupid mistakes because they don't realize what they are doing.

Same with sex. Abstinence is such a retarded concept. Preaching abstinence is useless because it fails to educate. People don't just all of a sudden realize what being "in love" is and when the time is right. They have to have the experience of having sex when it isn't time and when they aren't in love. This scars them, makes them hurt but it also helps them learn to not make that mistake again.

In end, life isn't perfect. It sucks A LOT and losing innocence is going to happen sooner or later. Perhaps it would be good to learn the sex, drug, and alcohol lessons when you aren't all on your own. I had a really tough childhood but now I know what I want and what I don't want. Very little scares me because I have been fucked over so many times. I have learned lose lessons and now I believe that I am a well adjusted adult. It took a lot of rough times, but I was a kid for 18 years and will be an adult for 2-3 times that. Wouldn't you rather suffer first and be happy second?

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Intelligence vs Ambition

2008-04-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

In the 7 or so years that I have been in higher education I have learned a lot about people and their career/academic development and have come to some conclusions.

Intelligence

Being intelligent is definitely a good thing. You have those bright kids that learn quickly and perform very well in school at a very early age. Starting in, lets say, 2nd grade, they are quick to learn math and science, maybe they have a good memory so history is easy for them. Perhaps they are socially inclined so language skills come natural. Regardless, these sorts of kids get used to doing well which gives them confidence and they go into high school thinking they are on top of the world.

High School comes and goes and some of these kids barely have to lift a finger to do well. I can remember hearing so many different people in high school talk about how easy it was, thereby reflecting their intelligence, when I was a freshman at UCSD.

But then what happens? College is tough and things aren't so easy anymore. Things stop going from how fast you understand it, to how hard you are going to work for it. Maybe you can get C's, or even B's, by just doing what you did when you were in high school and after 10 or so years of having things come naturally, your work ethic is pretty crappy. I can remember hearing so many people say that they procrastinated a ton in high school or even college as if it was something to brag about. Lesson to the young ones out there, THERE IS NOTHING MORE PATHETIC THAN PROCRASTINATION. You want to fail in life? Put things off, see where it gets you.

After about a year or two in college these kids realize how hard things are and rather than do things that require work and effort, they stick with things that come naturally so that they can continue their effortless lifestyle. This is where majors like Communications and Political Science are advantageous. Not to say they are worthless, but they are easy to fake and just like science, there is a big difference between getting a degree in a major and using it in your career.

In the end, they get a degree in something they can't use because they aren't actually interested in it. Then they look for a job and they realize, "Oh Shit, I have no experience, passion or drive. What the hell am I going to do now?". This is when intelligence becomes useless. Everyone out there caught up and instead of being naturally brilliant, they had to struggle and they picked up a thing or two along the way. Now they are the ones succeeding and the intelligent folks out here sit back and know they could have done it better, had they just wanted to.

Ambition

This is something I like to think I have. I did well in school as a kid and college student, but not because I was smart. I wanted to do well. I wanted to to achieve and most of the time, I had to bust my ass to do so. I wanted to do something useful, something I liked. I had friends that were smart and only had to work half as hard as I did but I sucked it up and put in my hours.

Then college came. This was a great time. Freshman year a few "brilliant" friends of mine slacked off. This doesn't mean they partied and I didn't, because I actually partied harder, but they were lazy. Just like procrastinators, some folks would brag about being lazy. Is there anything more pathetic? Why would you openly say that you have wants and desires but don't have the drive to put them into place? Laziness is why America is losing it's standing in world economics and I can't understand why people just sit on their ass.

So these brilliant kids would sleep in, ditch class and basically do nothing. They dodged 8am classes because "they were too early (pouting voice)". Are you fucking serious? Life is hard, suck it up and get your ass to class. Of course they knew everything and didn't have to study, but my dumb ass went to library instead. Come test day, guess which one of us was reeling in the A's and which one got C's.

Then graduation came. I had spent hours and hours in classes and labs and I knew what I liked and what I hated. After 4 years of work, I knew I wanted to get my PhD (actually I knew at about 12, but whatever) and because I had a decent track record I got into some good schools. Now I am at Yale getting my PhD and my future is in good hands, my own.

As for the "brilliant" ones, ambition waved bye bye to them. After graduating with easy degrees or degrees they wanted with little/no effort, they had the dumbest looks on their face.

"What do I do now?". Guess what? They went with what they had chosen their whole life, what was easy, what came naturally. Well in the work force, if you want money, you are going to either have to earn with your hands or your mind and considering they hadn't pushed their mental capacity since 2nd grade, their hands were all they had. Sure they could work a decent job here or there, but nothing close to their so called "potential".

Bottom Line

Anyway, here is the bottom line: Up until you are about 18 or so intelligence can get you as far as you need to go. This makes sense, human being have evolved to have sexual maturity at this age and so you pass your genes on and you basically have served your purpose. However, once you become an adult, it's all about your ambition. It all becomes what are you going to do with your raw materials. How hard are you going work? Your mindset SHOULD NOT be "what can I get with as little effort as possible", it should be, "what can I get with as much effort as possible".

I have many friends that are much smarter than I am but few have gotten this far. They wanted what was easy and that is such a tragedy. It actually is a necessary tragedy though. We need middle of the road grunt work. I don't mean gardeners or construction workers, I mean intelligent people in non-creative, non-mobile careers. Accountants, engineers, and "consultants" that can do their jobs, but hate them. They don't like it, they just do it mindlessly.

So what's the secret to life? What's it all mean? Spend your youth developing your work ethic because in the process you will learn what you like and don't like and spend your adult hood simply enjoying what you like. Work for something, if only yourself. Don't be a couch potato, even if you can be. There is nothing more pathetic than someone talking down success because they didn't care enough. You aren't in 10th grade anymore trying to impress some chick with your rebel without a cause attitude. You want to get chicks as an adult? You want to be happy as an adult? You have to earn it. Get off your ass and do something with your life.

I suppose the first question a person would ask me is, "Why should I listen to you?". For which my response is, "I could not be happier with my life, even with all my bullshit and my failures. I have made many mistakes and done many things I regret but the golden years of my life are the ones I am living. You have a better route? Take it, screw me and my opinions. You write a blog entry about it and I'll listen. Till then, take notes."

just my thoughts

match unleaded

Please sir, I want some more

2008-04-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

(Ok so I love to write and I have a lot to say about a lot of different things. Yes I love ultimate, A LOT, but I also like a lot of other things as well. I wanted the chance to get some things out that were not ultimate related so I thought I would start a second blog for that.)

Modern Evolution

So I saw this movie called Waking Life a while back and it really had an impact on me. Granted, you need to be a little "sizzled" up for this sort of movie to make any sense but it is very interesting if you have the mental capacity. Anyway, the basic plot line revolves around free dreaming, ie realizing that you are asleep in your dream, thereby giving you the control to do whatever you want. This is a fun topic but I am not interested in it. What I am interested in is the second topic that is popular in this movie, Modern Evolution.

So this is a weird topic because it challenges a lot of preconceived notions. At first mention, a word like "Evolution" inspires thoughts of dinosaurs, and cave men, maybe some amphibious sort of fish thing. However, the topic itself is much more than that. In my opinion, human beings think that we are done evolving (and one can argue that we are close) but in reality, we are just impatient. Evolution takes so long and moves so slowly that it is hard to see it in a lifetime or even a century or two. However, evolution is still occurring whether we can see it or not.

So what am I talking about? I thought I would discuss a few elements of human evolution that I think are going on and they make sense if looked at in the right perspective.

A Bit on Perspective

What do I mean about the right perspective? Everything happens for a reason. Our fingernails, appendix, social inclinations, even why asians glow when they drink, all have an evolutionary basis. No element of our bodies just hangs around, there has to be selective pressure for it and the trick to is to understand the selective pressure.

The Asian Glow

This is one of my favorite things to talk about at parties, usually because I seek out asians and it is a good conversation starter. Anybody know why asians glow in the first place? There are a variety of theories on this but the one I like is the parasite hypothesis.

In alcohol metabolism there are three steps, ethanol -> acetylaldehyde -> acetate (which is a metabolite the cell can use). The 2 arrows correspond to 2 enzymes, alcohol dehydrogenase, and aldehyde dehydrogenase. The names are unimportant, but what is important is the first enzyme. It is overactive in some asian populations and generates more acetylaldehyde than normal. This intermediate is highly toxic to our bodies which is why asians have that red glow and can feel warm. It is basically an inflammation response like a cold or infection.

However, this intermediate is also toxic to other organisms, such as mosquitos and parasites. Meaning that a million years ago, if an asian person was working in the fields or simply just hanging out in a humid insect filled environment, all they needed to do was drink a little bit of rice wine, get a nice buzz going and "presto", you have a natural insecticide.

Staving off parasite infection was thus the necessary selective pressure to allow asians to survive and pass on their genes and now in the 21st century we have a relic phenotype that a lot of people are self-conscience about and should not be. Those people are living representations of modern evolution and despite the stigma, should be proud of their genes.

The Appendix

So we all know that the appendix is basically the tonsil of the digestive tract. It isn't really needed but if it goes haywire, it can cause sepsis. So why have it in the first place?

Millions of years ago, human beings were not as capable as we are now. Things like fire were a bit beyond our grasp and we had to rely on eating things we don't eat now like raw meat. At that point, the appendix served as a dead end organ that housed high concentrations of enzymes and enzyme producing bacteria that would degrade and digest this raw meat. However, after the advent of fire, we didn't really need this sort of organ anymore. Most mammals, especially predators, have this organ and it is much larger. We are an offshoot of them so we have the same evolutionary beginnings, but now we have a shriveled vestigial organ that if ruptured, will release toxic bacteria and enzymes in our body causing sepsis and peritonitis.

Like the glowing asians, the appendix is another representation of where we came from and how we have evolved even in the last million years.

What's Next?

So with these two examples, hopefully you can see how we have evolved since we first took the Homo Sapien form. However, this does not mean that we have stopped. Just because we are the dominant species on this planet and are self-aware does not mean that we are above evolution. But what kind of evolution can we expect? A third eye? A 6th finger?

A friend of mine told me that you can't determine the direction of evolution but you can determine the velocity. Wow, that is a tough statement to understand. By "direction" he meant that we cannot see where we are headed as a species because we can't predict the future. We only have hind sight. By "velocity", he meant how fast human beings are evolving which is directly related to the death rate. If a lot of people are dying, then nature is selecting one phenotype over another. In the ice ages, intelligent man was favored because he could withstand the cold. Brute strength meant nothing, all that mattered was your ability to keep warm. However, with modern medicine, a lot of people are surviving to pass on their genes. Diabetics, cancer patients, congenital heart disease, all these things are carried on, despite the fact that in the wilderness, you would not have made it. The moral issue here is too much for me to discuss but I will say that because people are all surviving more, evolution carries a different sort of face, social evolution.

Lets take a look at western culture. There is selective pressure out there and I think it favors the "improvement" of modern man. Lets take monogamy for example. A lot of people out there (mainly males) will talk about how marriage goes against nature because we were made to have multiple partners and what not. That is a very narrow minded view of human beings because we are not done evolving. With more and more social pressure to get married and more and more financial pressure to not get divorced, there is selective pressure for monogamy. There may be a lot of "stupid people breeding" but I think with the incentive to go to college and the acceleration of world wide economics, surviving in this world will increasingly depend on your intelligence.

With that in mind, those people that have the ability to remain married and lead more or less normal lifestyles with a few kids that grow up to do the same, we as human beings can evolve. We can potentially shed our animalistic roots and be capable of more sophisticated male/female interaction and progress as a species.

Another element in modern social evolution that I think is interesting is the definition of evolution itself. The initial definition has to do with phrases like "survival of the fittest" and "only the strong survive". This type of evolution favored the jocks and the nerds would never get laid. However, with ideas like those developed by Nobel Prize Winner John Nash, the best course of action is no longer the bold capitalistic competitive initiative. Things like the Nash Equilibrium teach us that it is sometimes more important to take other people's incentives into consideration because a decision based on more than one perspective is usually better than only one. We now live in a world where winning and losing does not articulate our reality well enough. The US and China are at odds with each other politically right now, but economically, a war would hurt both parties. We now need to look at things a little more carefully.

Ok blah blah blah, what do I mean? Now, things like strength and size are out shined by things like judgement, loyalty and intelligence. The ability to cooperate and spread benefit around matters more than winning and losing. Take a movie like Dr. Strangelove. A dark comedy, but it articulates why winning is not good for anybody. In nuclear war you have MAD or Mutually Assured Destruction. Both parties are better off not competing but cooperating. We as a populace should lean away from direct competition and more towards mutually beneficial circumstances. This idea can be applied to everything from world wide economic theory to politics to male/female relationships. I already mentioned the China/US example (economics) but with things like gay marriage and abortion, a political view point is better suited with cooperative legislation as opposed to who is right or wrong. Same with boy friends and girl friends. In relationships, power seems to be the coveted prize but sometimes winning an argument is less important than seeing the far reaching implications of competition. This is where things like picking your battles and understanding other people's perspectives becomes important.

Communication between couples, nations and businesses is better than competition and with this sort of mind set, cooperation can occur and we as a people can evolve beyond our current survival of the fittest mentality. It has worked for us to get this far, but as our society evolves so must our ability to understand and utilize it.

just my thoughts

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